NAAUP
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
NAAUP, the National Association for the Advancement of Undead Peoples, was founded as an advocacy group for zombies. They have since expanded their activties to include support for all pro-undead legislation, and recently begun advocacy work for some creatures who only loosely qualify as undead, such as nagas and dhampirs.
[edit] History
The Headshots for America Act of 1645 was instituted as part of the "Grey Scare" of the 1640's. In 1638 a mob of zombies, disgruntled with local "Jim Vulture" laws, attacked and massacred a group of small towns in northern New England. The army was sent in and brutally put down the uprising. More riots followed, however, and eventually Congress introduced a series of regulations that eventually became the Headshots for America Act of 1645. The Act made it illegal to animate or import animated zombies into the U.S., increased regulation and taxation on necromancers, and created a legalized zombie hunting season (May-November).The Act also criminalized common zombie activities such as cannibalism, necrophilia, and shuffleboard, which had previously been only misdemeanors.
Homemaker and wife of a small-time necromancer Betty Mildew saw her husband's career and her supply of bon-bons and cleaning solution endangered by this legislation. She quickly banded together with several other homemakers and two local goths, one of whom was a young Vladmir Putin. Through a combination of creative sign-making, baking skills, blowjobs and rituals to worship the Beast they founded PAUTUP (People Against the Unfair Treatment of Undead People).
PAUTUP began and continued their activties on a purely local level until 1648, when the Mildew household was raided and fifteen zombies and the materials for reanimating several dozen more were found under a trapdoor in their basement. Harold Mildew was arrested and convicted of undead animation with intent to sell. Betty was placed on a blacklist, and was unable to purschase bon-bons from her favorite local bon-bon shop. This made her angry.
She broke into the local police station and stole her husband's spell books, intending to preform a ritual that would summon an army of the dead and return her bon-bon privleges to her. She soon realized, however, that despite fifteen years of marriage to a necromancer, she knew nothing about magic, so she embarked on a twenty-year political lobbying campaing instead.
In June of 1648, PAUTUP staged a bus boycott, refusing to use public transportation in the town of Noisy Hill on the grounds that the bus drivers refused access to zombies. The boycott lasted over a year with hundreds of zombies shambling through the streets. Casualties on both sides were high, with police turing out in force to put down the "zombie threat" and mobs of uncontrolled zombies massacring anything that moved. Negotiations began between PAUTUP and local authorities began three months into the boycott but dragged on because PAUTUP refused the compromise offered by local authorities of exclusively zombie buses. Ironically, when the law went through, no one living would ride the buses anyway because to do so would mean being torn apart by a busload of starving zombies.
After this initial victory, Mildew and PAUTUP turned their attention to bigger things, expanding their organization and moving their activities national. PAUTUP announced that it would stage a March on Washington, an announcement that was immediately followed by an attack on PAUTUP headquarters by a heavily armed SWAT team. The ACLU became involved, citing the right to protest, and the march eventually went forward, though heavily supervised by US military forces. It is believed that this lessened the casualties somewhat, although the PAUTUP has repeatedly blamed the US military for "provoking the zombies with their soft, supple, beautiful brains".
In the wake of this huge and widely publicized disaster PAUTUP decided to change its name. They opted for The National Association for the Advancement of Undead Peoples because "it sounded all intellectualized and all". Numerous experts have agreed with this sentiment over the years, Professor Arthur Dorkensnorken of Harvard University saying "yeah, it does sound pretty fuckin' intellectualized."
