Nachos

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“Don't double dip the chip!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Nachos

“Ohhhh you bought me a nacho hat! Nacho nacho man!”

~ Homer Simpson on Nachos

“I like nachos, yes!”

~ FredFredBurger on Nachos

“...”

~ Nachoman on This Article

1 Nachos: The Food of Legend
2 Modern Nachos: Industrial Wonder-Food (Wundernahrung)
3 Fun Facts Not About Nachos
4 Fun Facts That ARE About Nachos

[edit] Nachos: The Food of Legend

God created the first nachos from pieces of rawhide. They came down from heaven to earth and destroyed the dinosours buy exploding their taste buds, who were wandering off happily, not to realize they were walking into a volcano. Several Million years later the renowned Mexican thief Zorro stole them before God, aka Mike "Thumper" Ditka, who had been waiting for the cheese to mature, could even get a taste. But the nachos were too dry, he probably waited too long. Even the mighty chompers of the fabled Zorro couldn't cope with them. Fortunately his horse had been shot in the left hindquarter by an evil henchman, Diego Rasputin, and the wound was festering. Zorro squeezed some...uh...no, it's too gross. Obscene. We can't write this part, you'll have to fill in the blanks yourself.

Webster's dictionary calls them amazing, and Rogett's (sic) Thesaurus has Nachos as a synonym to divine and godly. Obviously nachos were invented to bring peace on earth. However, in Farsi "Nachos" means "Don't Fart", with "Chos" meaning the stinking smell of a fart.

[edit] Modern Nachos: Industrial Wonder-Food (Wundernahrung)

Nowadays nacho factories make nachos from ground-up guitar picks instead of rawhide. They bake the chips at 200 degrees Kelvin for 24 hours to make them crisp, then warm them to room temperature. The more traditional nacho makers still use horse pus for the topping, but some renegade chefs have experimented with spearmint sauce, cappuchino, and lizard droppings as well.

Some fancy nachos include such things as jalapeño peppers, ground ratmeat, pickled herring, and I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Durian® along with the traditional yellow-orange animal exudate on top of the chips. These are French nachos -- morceaux et merde. Like most French pastry, they can kill unwary diners.

Eating one full plate of nachos in less than 84.7 seconds is part of the initiation process to get in to Todd's gang. Recent reports have not yet confirmed the rumor that nachos are now illegal in a four block area of Toledo because of some conflicting legislation that, oddly enough, makes no mention of nachos whatsoever.

[edit] Fun Facts Not About Nachos

One out of ten iguanas will never learn to read.

The North Pole is named Czesciuslaw and lives in Tahiti.

Grandma Moses was not the real grandmother of Moses.

In Manhattan it is legal to burn your nephew's feet, but only if he has wooden legs.

[edit] Fun Facts That ARE About Nachos

Heres another fact: I really really like nachos. Really REALLY like them. I can honestly think of no greater munchies than nachos. Especially the jalepeno ones.