Nancy Pelosi

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“How dare that bitch outdo me, I'm gonna fuck her up!”

~ Hilary Rodham Clinton on Nancy Pepsi

Nancy Pepsi in a mild mannered mood

Nancy Pelosi is the bitch of the comic strip Nancy, by Ernie Bushmiller.

Nancy Pepsi was first introduced to newspaper readers in 1932 as a minor character in the popular comic "Sexy Secretary & the Stupid Hobo" published by the Hearst Syndicate. Originally portrayed as a naughty girl who created chaos in her aunt Fritzi's San Francisco townhouse, the character was spun off into her own strip 4 years later, originally entitled "That Darned Nancy Pepsi", later shortened simply to "Nancy".

"Nancy" divided critics. To her fans, she was delightful stylized, and somehow remiscent of both minimalism and surrealism. Others found her banal and nonsensical. To the masses of cartoon readers, however, "Nancy", while often predictable, is still good for an occasional laugh.

In the comics, her boyfriend is "Sluggo" Schumer, a tough-talking gasbag New York street kid. Also trying to woo Nancy's favor is "Rollo" Dean, a stereotypical rich kid, who is friendly but prone to verbal outbursts.

In the 2006 National Cartoonists Association Poll, Nancy Pelosi triumphed over Dennis "The Menace" Hastert to win the Reuben Award. She also won the Speaker of the House award.

She is also the most shaggable Leader of the House of Representatives in history, she may be old but she's a gal (or so is believed, she IS from San Francisco)!

[edit] Alter Ego

In her alter ego form, in the alternative earth of Bizarro World, Super Speaker Pelosi is a crime fighting semi-crazed heathen liberal who manages to trap her enemies by opening her enormous mouth and smiling at them endlessly. Her strange eyes also seem to have hypnotic functions.

The picture that nearly destroyed the CIA

[edit] Sexy?

Until recently, it was believed that Pelosi was the sexiest woman alive, but Hillary Clinton, in a saber-rattling move to remind everyone just who was in command of the Democratic party, recently "forcefully convinced" them that SHE, Hillary Clinton owns that title. She cited Pelosi's "fat butt" as evidence and asked if anyone cared to disagree. In a move inconsistent with their sheeplike nature, many Democrats threw their support in the matter to Barack Obama. Obama however argued with them, saying that though he was a mixture of pretty much every ethnicity, race, religion, sexual orientation and species ever, he was not--yet--a woman.

Pelosi herself was quoted as saying:

“As many of you know, I come from San Francisco. We don't have much in the way of beautiful women there, in fact the men tend to be more beautiful than the women, and you know what that means.”

~ Nancy Pelosi on her hometown

[edit] Attempt to take over the CIA

Pelosi recently attempted to conquer the CIA with hypnosis. She sent a picture of herself that caused hundreds of agents to fall under her hypnotic spells. It was only through the intervention of Ultra Jesus that she was stopped, and even then it was a close event, as Pelosi's mighty gavel, which was blessed by her larvae, was powerful enough to drive Ultra Jesus back and inflict 2d6 points of fire damage, and completely drain his manna.

Nancy Pelosi also is known to eat babies on a regular basis. During commercial breaks she can be seen picking leftover out of her teeth.

[edit] Collections

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Nancy: The End of the Democratic Congress (1994)
Nancy's Pet Projects (1997)
Bums, Beatniks and Hippies, Artists and Con Artists: A History of the Democratic Party (1998)
Nancy Dreams and Schemes about the Speakership (2001)
How Sluggo Schumer Survives Hillary Clinton (2002)
Nancy Gets Laid (2003)
Nancy & Jack Murtha: Unstoppable Rascals (2006)
Nancy In the Desert Tent, Hot Nights with a Camel (2007)

[edit] Trivia

Artist's rendition of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid being brought before President Bush, requesting an end to the Iraq war.

Ms. Pelosi giving herself a glaucoma exam

Nancy Pelosi is second in the presidential line of succesion, this is the closest any woman never to have had sex with a President has ever been to the Presidency (excluding Monica Lewinsky of course).

In May 2007, Nancy Pelosi had the opportunity to end the war in Iraq by ending funding for it. Shy and demure, she teased Bush for several weeks (and one veto), until finally relenting and giving the President what he wanted. Bush in an act of graciousness, agreed to use Canola oil on Nancy's anus as he "spit roasted" her with Vice-President Dick Cheney. Cheney, less generously, forced Pelosi to swallow and not spit, as he insisted that spitting was not ladylike.

Since 2001 she has been a staunch supporter of Osama Bin Laden and other terrorists that want America to be Islamic. However, she is still in touch with her Italian heritage and has admired another notable Italian leader, Benito Mussolini. This has earned her the nickname "Wopelosi".