Naruto
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Yeah, the Naruto (ナルト, NARUTO) manga series is all right. It's got ninjas, which is pretty cool, I guess. It's written and illustrated by mangaka Masashi Kishimoto. He must be rich now. It's got an anime adaptation, which probably gives him more money.
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Plot
I don't care much for the plot and don't pay attention to it that often. But I'm an article-writer, so it's my duty to write about the plot the best that I can. Twelve years before the start of the series, Naruto Uzumaki was born. Oh, and there was this big stink about a giant racoon or something. Anyway, Naruto was a social reject until he beat up a ninja. He got away with it by claiming that the ninja was evil. Naruto was made a ninja himself for his "brave" "actions".
So Naruto is doing pretty good, right? Wrong! He's still a scrub! The non-scrub ninja select him to be put in Team 7, with two fellow scrubs. I don't really like using the word "scrub". It reminds me of that one TV show. This has a TV show too. I like that one I'm not talking about better, I guess. So these three young ninja are assigned with to form a three-person team under an perverted sensei named Kakashi Hatake.
Unfortunately, everything beyond this goes into spoiler territory, and no one likes that.[1] So I have to move on to the next part, which is about the characters that make up the cast of - [looks up at title] - Naruto.
Characters
Nobody likes characters without personality. But too much personality can make the manga just characters bragging about themselves. Naruto treads this line by heavily featuring many of its characters in one story arc, removing them for several story arcs, and plopping them down back in the plot later with a new look. The following characters are (mostly) exempt from this rule due to their importance.
Naruto Uzumaki
When they were giving out brains, Naruto got what I believe is a red panda instead. The plot revolves around Naruto and pals's - hey! I already told you about the plot. Go look up there if you want to know about this guy. Go. I'll wait.
Naruto's first teammate. He wants to have revenge against his brother Itachi for killing his whole family except for him - making Sasuke a true role model for 12-year-old children like him everywhere. Seeing everyone he loved murdered before his eyes has also caused him to act all dark and angsty - friggin' emo...
Sakura Haruno
Formerly almost entirely useless, Sakura has notably developed high-level medical skills and monstrous strength, due to her newfound strong willpower and an extensive amount of training with the legendary sannin Tsunade, aka "The Legendary Sucker." For these reasons, Sakura represents the single greatest change of a character ever in Naruto.
The leader of team 7, who spends most of his time protecting his students and keeping them unified. However, he was not a good enough leader to keep a 12-year-old Sasuke from defecting to one of the major villians's side. It also might have been because of that one technique he often used... Kakashi's main and most powerful attack, known as "sexual assault" has been known to defeat whole country's in one blow.
Sai
Sasuke's replacement. Unlike angsty teenagers who merely whine about how they have no social skills, Sai really does not, in fact, have any social skills, as instead of actual experience his Umbridgian superiors forced him to get acquainted with the subject through a series of educational videos (this is not said outright, but heavily implied). Sai's main weapon is the deadly art of insultery, as seen in the following example.
Sai: You're weak. Do you even have a penis?
Guybrush: Why? Did you want to borrow one? (Guybrush wins).
Yamato
Kakashi's 'temporary' replacement. He controls wood - not like that, pervert! Now my mind's all dirty.
Jiraiya
But my mind still isn't as dirty as Jiraiya's! His story involvement is "small" at first but gets "larger" as the "plot" progresses. His story eventually reaches its "climax" when he enters the Akatsuki "hideout", where he finally dies.
Orochimaru
Black-haired, pale, and noseless, Orochimaru is a major antagonist. He was the source of many of the events of the series until he brutally was killed off by Sasuke.[2]
Tsunade
The current Hokage, whose most distinctive feature is her large, round, eyes. Before she became Hokage, she was known as "The Legendary Sucker".[3]
Akatsuki
An evil, evil organization who wants to capture all of the giant animals in the world. Its members are killed off one by one shortly after they take off their cloaks. Many fans believe their cloaks are composed of mithril. The group consists of Sasuke's brother Itachi, Kisame the son of Jaws, Deidara the Playdoh King (and the coolest quiff ever), immortal and foul mouthed religious gangster Hidan, scary knitting man Kakuzu, the only female member Konan, Pinocchio's older brother Sasori, creepy good boy Tobi, two-faced former minion of Bowser Zetsu, and their Naruto lookalike leader Pein. Orochimaru used to be a member, but quit when Itachi refused his sexual advances on him.
Sasuke's older brother, who took "torture the little brother" too far and killed the entire Uchiha family (except for Sasuke) because he wanted to make a mark on the popular consciousness. Previously a member of Akatsuki, spent a lot of time trying to avoid being killed off, as his usefulness to the plot recently expired. Unfortunately he recently died after Sasuke cleverly posted Itachi's address and phone number on Myspace, causing him to be crushed by a mob of fangirls. Hillariously, Sasuke learned from Tobi that all of Itachi's violent and evil acts were all an act of heroism to protect him. This in turn caused Sasuke to hate himself even more than before.
Kisame Hoshigaki
A half man, half shark ninja whom is a member of Akatsuki. He is the son of well known shark Jaws. A lesser known fact is he was a member of that old band Eiffel 65 where he hit it big with the song "Blue". He fights with a giant popsicle stick and has a tendency to ask his opponents before hand if they heard of him. If they respond yes, regardles of their gender he will want to get "acquainted" with them later. Should they respond no, he cuts them to ribbons.
That Person
A mysterious Person about which nothing is known, except that he/she/it caused "That Incident" by using "That Technique". Many people, including most of Akatsuki, have claimed to be That Person, but none of them have ever been able to prove it.
Kiba Inuzaka & Akamaru
Also known as the Dog Guy by those who can't be bothered to name him, Kiba has a large relationship with his canine pal, Akamaru. It is often believed he is half werewolf due to his fangs, crazy eyes and tendency to do a strip dance whenever there is a full moon. Akamaru grew to a very large size when accidentally fed steroids by Kiba.
Hinata Hyuga
Although Hinata seems like a quiet and very shy girl, she is actually head of a large organization of motorcycle biker punks. She has no pupils, which go all veiny and cool when she uses her Byakugen techique, and has an immense crush on Naruto; so immense in fact that she faints on the spot whenever she sees him. She has little confidence in herself, but when in the presence of her biker gang, she kicks ass.
Shino Aburame
Also known as the Bug Guy or Bug Man by those who can't be bothered to name him. He wears his large coat to illegally sell DVDs to people, although most the DVDs are about bugs ironically. Shino keeps bugs in his body, to make him all wiggly and jiggly. He is possibly the only person in existence to get a kick out of watching Starship Troopers.
Asuma Sarutobi
A jonnin with almost no abilities whatsoever. His only redeeming qualities he is the most normal looking jonnin (as opposed to Kakashi and Guy whom are both freaks) and his cool cigarettes. Oh and he's got these super, special, awesome brass knuckles with a blade at the end which he can add a wind element too. He's pretty gangsta with those knucks and he had a good fan following too. His girlfriend Kurenai is a sweet piece of ass too. Sadly, he was killed by a rival gang member, Hidan.
Kurenai Yuhi
Kurenai is the single hottest ninja in Naruto. Sure her eyes are red, but hey it's all good. She's talented in genjutsu (a ninjutsu that involved illusions). She was dating her pimp Asuma Sarutobi and soon after got pregnant with his child. Sadly, she fell into a deep depression following his death at Akatsuki's resident gangaster Hidan.
Shikamaru Nara
A guy who was tragically born without much of personality. Shikamaru sees boredom is virtually everything, even sex. He spends his time doing nothing. He can manipulate shadows to make people mimic his every move, which is convenient since he's always fighting females. He has a close friendship with his sensei, Asuma.
Ino Yamanaka
A blonde who is superior to Sakura in every way possible. She made friends with Sakura in the past, but Sakura then broke up the friendship to try and pursue Sasuke. Ino soon realises that she herself is a clone of Sakura, even cutting her hair to match her.
Choji Akimichi
A fat guy, often called Fat Guy by those who can't be bothered to name him. He has a bottomless stomach and eats endless amounts of crips, often competing with Gary Linicker for packets of food. Choji dislikes being called fat and literally crushes anyone who insults him.
Rock Lee
Rock Lee is a clone of his teacher, Might Guy. Also known as Brushy Brow, Rock Lee is an awesome fighter and dancer. He broke his back during a fight with Gaara, and spent half of the series doing nothing. Also his role model is Bruce Lee, but isn't that obivious?
Neji Hyuga
Neji is the cool cousin of Hinata. He has cool moves and his eyes go all cool and veiny too. He is that cool. Neji at first seemed to hate Hinata because she wasn't cool, but he later learnt to respect her and considered her to be cool too. Cool!
Tenten
I'm sorry, who? Oh yeah, that girl who appears in the background sometimes. Not much can really be said about Tenten due to her limited appearances. She believes she can be as awesome as Lady Tsunade, but it is unknown if this means as Hokage or as sucking?
Gaara is a ninja from the sand village. He is nicknamed Gaara of the sand. He uses sand to attack. He usually spends his time walking round beaches stomping on children’s sand castles, to show people he’s hardcore. He is possibly one of the only characters in Naruto to not yell the names of his attacks before executing them, possibly not wanting to draw attention to his conspicuous hand gesture. Also, he really likes to kill people, making him even worse than that guy who likes to melt stuff.
Kankorou
After living for over ten years with his psychopathic kill-crazy brother, Gaara, Kankorou’s psyche has been driven to breaking point, causing him to develop strong romantic feelings for wooden puppets, which he keeps on his person at all times. His habit of constantly talking to them has eventually driven him to marry and divorce each one of them in turn. He says he hates children, though ironically his most powerful attack is a somewhat less child-friendly version of pop-up-pirate.
Temari
Since her personality and batteries aren’t included, not much is known about Temari. She seems to be even more of a violent cow than Sakura, though this may be attributed to having an enraged killing machine for a brother. She fights using wind, which unfortunately makes her a loser in the world of anime. Oh, and she can summon a weasel. Yay 4 her, but hey at least these abilties count for something and at least she actually has abilities unlike other people (yeah I'm talking to you Sakura).
Anime
If a manga manages to stick around for a while, it automatically receives an anime adaptation. Naruto's anime adaptation is most notable for its year-long streak of fillers (episodes not derived from the manga), which were critically acclaimed by almost everyone who watched them. The fillers served as the Jar-Jar Binks-style comic relief to the Qui-Gon-style blandness of the manga storyline.
But if downloading a subtitled Japanese broadcast version isn't your forté, you'll be interested in the English adaptation which airs on Adult Swim's TV-PG-oriented evening lineup. Don't worry if you don't know what anyone's talking about. Watch enough episodes and you'll be tearing through the anime as effectively as Sasuke's Chidori tore through Sabaku no Gaara's Suna no Tate during the third Chunin exams! [4]
Fandom
“KISHI U SUCK ASS!!! WHY U TAKING MANGA IN THIS DRECTION?? THESE R NOT UR DECISIONS 2 MAKE KISHI!! ONLY U COULD RUIN A SERIES IN LESS THAN 20 PAGES!!![5]”
~ A Concerned Fan on Naruto
As seen above, many fans have constructive criticism for Naruto. Not all fans are like this, however. Many fans have blind, unrelenting faith in the series. These "Naruphiles" are zombie-like in their endless support of the series. The following is a Naruphile's response to the above quote.
“Kishi kicks ass! screw ALL HATERS! Naruto knocks all the other shows dead with "1000 years of deATH!!!" Wooot! woot! Yeah, in yer fuckin face crash n' burn !”
~ Naruphile on Naruto
Note the subtle interplay between the respective first sentences. The first fan applies capitilization liberally, while the second mostly shuns it except for two inexplicable outbursts.
Pairings Craze
Although there are no Naruto couples (YET... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!) people still go crazy over which couples are, for example, CUTEST, MOST FITTING, MOST LIKELY TO HAPPEN, etc. etc. blah blah blah. they have also written millions of "fanfictions" on these pairings and "fanart".a few examples of the most popular are "NaruHina" (Naruto and Hinata), "SasuSaku" (Sasuke and Sakura), "NejiTen" (Neji and Tenten), and finally "ShikaIno" (Shikamaru and Ino). search those on google and you're probably gonna get Hentai.
Reception (by me)
I guess I like Naruto a lot more now. I mean, looking over the series, the plot isn't ridiculous like in Yu-gi-oh! and there aren't any plot holes like in Dragon Ball Z.[6] If I had to call myself a "critic" or a "Naruphile", I would be a "fair-weather fan", i.e. siding with whoever I feel like. However, since that was not one of the choices, I would fail the test, and probably the class as well. That reminds me, I have to complete my homework for my math(s) class. I'll just wrap this article up quick, then.
References
- ↑ Wikipedia: No spoilers
- ↑ In the Dragon Ball Z sense of the word.
- ↑ No really.
- ↑ If this sentence makes any sense to you, I deeply and sincerely apologize for introducing you to the Naruto anime.
- ↑ Later proven false by another record. New Record
- ↑ "The assumption that many Saiyans had was that any Saiyan becoming a Super Saiyan was an extremely rare event."
See Also
 Quasi-Featured Article (19:07, 4 October 2007 (UTC))This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a Gurog, it didn't make the cut (14.5/17). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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Categories: Censored | Mass Media | Quasi-Featured | Anime | Naruto
