Natural Selection
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Natural Selection is, as Oscar Wilde memorably put it, "Like Unnatural Selection, only without all the metal!" The process of Natural Selection differs from both the processes of Unnatural Selection and Evolution in several important ways: While Unnatural Selection requires three research facilities, five thousand researchers, approximatly 7000 billi-killiwops of computing power and funding equivalent to the GDP of a small country, Natural Selection needs some moss and some rain, and while Evolution was recently discredited by the respected scientist Paris Hilton, Natural Selection, to quote generations of irritated fundamentalists, "Makes too much damn sense". The theory is also widely considered more valid than it's nearest rival, New Intelligent Design, by top scientists, Italian Chefs and the American obese alike. The principles of Natural Selection, unfortunately, may only be written in Latin, and are forbidden from being published on the Internet by the WWW.Constitution (Article 7.7, subclause B), and so may not be related here.
Natural Selection was discovered by the famous pilot, Darles.H.Charline, or Charles Darwin to his friends, when he was sailing through the Paciflantic Trenches. He happened to notice his keel was being consumed by a curious sort of barnicle, while a different barnicle variety was consuming his ship's rudder. After intensive study following the resulting shipwreck on the Galápagos island chain, he formulated the first of his 319 basic principles of Natural Selection, known in scientific parlance as victus distinctus.
Natural Selection has inspired many famous scenes in books and movies, such as the Trench Run in Star Wars and the famous Harry Potter sex scene. It influenced The Beatles and The Who, and is responsible for at least one World War (the jury is still out on this one). It is mentioned in the Qu'ran, and the Bible, although not the Torah, and has a country named after it (Ethiopia). In 2004 it was awarded an honoury pHD at the University of Oxbridge.
