Neighbours

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Neighbours. Everybody needs good neighbours. With a little understanding, you can find a perfect plan. Neighbours, should be there for one another. That's when good neighbours become good friends... No, seriously: The neighbour is the guy who lives next door to your house, in the next apartment, above your apartment or below your apartment. He is invariably a cunt whose sole purpose in life is to turn yours into a living hell.

[edit] Origin

Neighbours are not born, they are instantly spawned as soon as you buy a place, with a perfect knowledge of the things that piss you off and skills to perform those things impeccably.

[edit] Neighbours Facts

• 99% of homicides are committed by people the victim knew. 98% are their neighbours.
• If he lives next door to you, he has an antenna that interferes with your TV.
• If he lives in the apartment next to you, he gets your newspaper "by mistake".
• If he lives in the apartment above yours, he's fat, walks with heavy steps and likes listening to music at two a.m. right above your bedroom.
• If he lives in the apartment below yours, he complains about heavy sounds you make, like breathing.
• If you're arriving home after a hard day of work, wanting to see your wife and your kids, your neighbour will show up and stop you so he can tell you about the exciting things he did all day, like fixing the lawn mower or washing the car.
• If your wife\husband is pretty, your neighbour will try to have sex with her\him.
• If she\he isn't, he\she'll try aniway just to piss you off.
• If you have a son, your neighbour will show him adult magazines and violent movies while you're at work.
• If your neighbour has a dog, the dog will shit in your lawn.
• If your neighbour has bought an expensive high-tech cellphone, console, TV, etc., he'll show it to you pretending he's happy with his purchase and not with your envy.
• If your neighbour has a son, his son will beat up your son, or teach your son bad things, and when you tell your neighbour to restrain his kid your neighbour will smile and say, "you betcha". Obviously nothing will change.
• If your neighbour is interested in politics, he'll be republican.
• If your neighbour is interested in religion, he'll be a Christian fundamentalist.
• If your neighbour is interested in both, he supports Mike Huckabee and you should murder him.
• If your neighbor is asian...well..I guess he/she will squint alot.

[edit] Generalization

It has become common belief all neighbours are utter bastards. This belief is absolutely right.

[edit] The Legend of the Good Neighbour

Some people say they have good neighbours. Those people can be described as people with extremely low social standards who are delighted with any human contact at all because of their incredible inadequacy for making friends, aka nerds who spend all day in their basement watching youporn.com.

The good neighbour is a legend. You'd be more lucky watching the skies all day trying to spot Santa Claus. Some neighbours, though, are good at pretending they are nice until their mask falls, but then it's already too late.