Nena

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nena.

“Everyone's a kitten huffer; everyone's an Oscar Wilde!”

~ Nena on Uncyclopedia

There are two versions of Nena: solo and band. First, let's talk band.

1 Band
2 Solo
3 Nazi?
4 Trivia/Facts

[edit] Band

The band was formed in 1933 by Emo Hitler. He commissioned 12 songs. After the band performed them, Emo Hitler realized they were upbeat pop songs and killed himself in a bunker. That is how they ended World War II. They were then chroygenically frozen until pop songs would become popular. The bands members consisted of:

Nena (vocals)
Uwe Fahrenkrog Peterson (Keyboards, backing vocals, assassin)
Carlos Karges (Guitarist, Kitten Huffer)
Rolf Brendel (Drums, Nena's boyfriend, Dog Walker)
Jürgen Dehmel (Bass, Umlaut Supplier)

They wrote several popular songs, including:

99 Luftballons- A song about balloons starting a war. Balloons is also a German slang term for Kitten Huffing. The song was written by Carlos Karges, about his terrible addiction to kittens. The english version, 99 Red Balloons, was written by Kevin McLea. He apparently mistranslated several lines, namely, all of them.
Nur geträumt- Means "Only Drempt" in German. This was the first song they wrote for Emo Hitler and allegedly the one which made him commit suicide. The english version (Just A Dream) took care of the rest of the emos.
Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann- Means "Somehow Somewhere Sometime". When used in succession, it also could be referring to dog crap. This song was written by Rolf Brendel.
Haus der drei Sonnen-Means "House of the 3 Suns". No one know what this is about, not even Nena.
Anyplace Anywhere Anytime- English version of Irgendwie Irgendwo Irgendwann. Translated by Lisa Dalbello, who spoke German as well as Kevin McLea (that is to say, not a single word).

The band toured Germany, and even Japan (because Uwe had to perform a few hits for the Yakuza. However, while out walking a dog, Rolf found a Japanese Whore and was caught by Nena. She murdered him with his own drumsticks in 1985, after which she chopped his dick off and left it on the Japanese gutter-slut's doorstep. Two years later the band broke up.

[edit] Solo

Nena Now.

[edit] Solo Work with Kim Wilde

In 2003, Nena decided to do some duets with famous Lesbian singer and Oscar Wilde's own daughter, Kim Wilde. They performed the new version of Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime, for her album 20 Jahre Nena. The song was a hit and they performed together on television, concerts, and occasionally on HDTV. Nena stated in several press releases that she and Kim Wilde were not doing anything together. Most people believed her, on the ground that Nena "could do better". In 2006, Kim Wilde released "Never Say Never, an album in which she remade old songs (she copied Nena). Nena sang on the the song "You Keep Me Hangin` On (2006)". However, the two have not spoken since. Kim Wilde still performs Anyplace, Anywhere, Anytime live, despite protests from everyone. In an interview, Nena stated "Sie ist total Schiesse!", which translates as "She is total shit!".

[edit] Willst Du mit Mir Geh`n?

This is Nena's follow-up album to 20 Jahre Nena (20 Years Nena, when she covered herself) and by far one of the greatest. Nena's explanation for the songs:

1-Willst Du Mit Mir Geh`n-I dont know what this means. But according to Nena, the song is about how she wants people to follow her. Ultra Jesus is credited with helping to write the lyrics.
2-Lass Mich-Let Me. This song is about how she wants people to let her become supreme dictator of Earth.
3-Und Jetzt Steh Ich Hier Und Warte-And I Stay Here And Wait. This song departs from the regular theme of the album. It's about constipation.
4-Liebe Ist-Love Is. This song is about her ex-boyfriend, Rolf. "Love doesn't search, Love Sleeps With Japanese Whores and road sluts, love is, and so was he" is a prime example.
5-Ich Komm Mit Dir-I come with you. This song is about Nena's car.
6-Immer Weiter-I do not know what this means or what the song is about.
7-Ohne Liebe Nin Ich Nichts (Berlin Version)-Without Love I'm Nothing. This song is about how Nena defines herself by whom she's dating. Berlin version is German slang and refers to trees. This song is about her current boyfriend, Philip Palm (who is actually a tree.
8-Vitamine-Vitamins. This song is about how damn hard it is to get her kids to take vitamins. She also uses some English in this song (Vitamins, Take It, Take Them, Swallow). Some people believe this song is actually just about some sort of perversion Nena has.
9-Wir Fliegen-We're Flying. This song is about how that bitchy stewardess was torwards Nena.
10-Neues Land-New Land/Country. This is about how Nena is planning on annexing Poland and renaming it Nenaland.
11-Der Anfang-The Beginning. Nena just did this to confuse people.

Special editions of Willst Du mit Mir Geh`n also included:

12-Ich Will Was Neues (Berlin Version)-I want what's new. This song is about how she wants new things. In the song, she also says she wants old things. This special edition was only released in Poland, and brainwashed a number of them into joining Nena's army. Also, Berlin version does not refer to trees in this context. It just means that this song was recorded in Berlin.

There is also a second CD. This one contains reocrdings from Mallorca. It is just street noise.

[edit] Caravan of Love

Nena has also recorded a new version of Caravan of Love with Duncan Townsend (Pronounced Retarded Cantsing). THe song has reached #0 on the charts (yes, above one!) in Germany and England despite the fact it hasn't been released yet.

[edit] Nazi?

Nope, she's not. After several blood tests, it was revealed she was not a Nazi. She has yearly check-ups, as do most Germans, because Nazism is a type of disease that's treatable only when caught early.

[edit] Trivia/Facts

Nena was born tomorrow.
A lot of Nena's music was destroyed during the second coming of Jesus.
Nena currently lives in a nude colony in a stuffy commune in east Berlin.
Her nickname is Gabrielle
Her live-in boyfriend, Philip Palm, is actually a tree.
Nena is the president of Germany
Her name spelled backwards is sdrawkcab delleps eman reH
Nena has had two dogs, named Rambo and Baby. Rambo starred in several films before renaming himself Sylvester Stallone. Baby starred alongside Nena and Markus in GIB GAS ICH WILL SPASS (Give Gas I Want Fun) and retired soon afterwards saying "There was too much stress. I cannot do this anymore!"
Nena has recently done car ads for the Mitsubishi Colt XE. She was a crash test dummy.