Neo Illuminati

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search

“These guys are freaking awesome!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Neo Illuminati

“Crap, these are worse than Catholics!”

~ God on Neo Illuminati

This article is likely to be eaten by a grue. I suggest you run like hell or cast Frotz before it eats you too.

The Neo Illuminati, an organization built on the thought that the regular Illuminati aren't good enough.

1 History
2 Goals
3 Mockery!
4 Symbols
5 Tributes

[edit] History

Organized in 2005 by bored anarchists, this organization has grown to almost five (5) members nationwide. We are cool. You have definitely seen us, whether you know it our not. We have our marks on the dollar, assorted game shows, Dungeons and Dragons, Warhammer Fantasy and 40k, TV shows and movies, candy bars, and invented the triangle for geometry. It took a long time, too. The triangle may seem simple now, but it was freaking hard to make and figure out. We got all sorts of weird shapes, especially when we got over 180 degrees in a Euclidian geometrical situation... but we fixed it. We actually were part of several major wars and have roots in many historical events. Since we obtained our time control technology in 3079, we could found ourselfs this year and do the following things that aren't included in the above discription: World War II (Hitler, Stalin, and no less than 36 assorted civilians in Italy), World War I (The Archduke AND his assassin were in the Neo Illuminati. Do to a misunderstanding over our dinner menus, the Archduke was accidentally killed. We don't like to talk about it.) Desert Storm (yeah, we don't like to talk about that either. We were kinda on the losing side... sorry...), several Spartan/Athenian battles (mainly Athens. You should see the face on a Spartan as you whip out a particle cannon... ahh, good times. Goooood times.) and 5 other wars that had no real historical significance. We had a little deal in the Civil War, we played on the Union side. We provided their tanks. Oh, and sorry. We kinda founded the Wikimedia Foundation... our bad.

[edit] Goals

We want to rule the world and spead knowledge. But mainly rule the world. I have a political theorist/excellent ruler/advisor/puppet ready if he decides to join up. Generals and military commanders will be found when needed. Atheism is key here. Or Illuminatism. Which is science worship. So, that helps. We want you! Help fight the war against God, Allah, Vishnu, Shiva, Brahma, Ahura Mazda, George Bush, assorted pagan gods, and the ever famous Yo Momma.

[edit] Mockery!

The shows such as $25000 Pyramid and related spin-offs are all based off of us. We founded a game among ourselfs that involved lots of money, weird guessing games, and a pyramid. The spinning-tiles are their ideas. We would never have such a stupid idea. The fact that those shows were created before us is irrelavent, as time is not important. We can manipulate it. For the same reason, we managed to get our symbol on the dollar. And in geometry. See history for more data about that. No other major take-offs have been found.

[edit] Symbols

Main symbols are the Eye of Horus, Phoenix...es..., a pyramid, a five-point star inside a pentagon or circle, a schwa (upside-down e), and any combination of these.