Nerds
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Show kindness to the nerds, for when their psychic powers manifest, you may yet be spared.
“Whoa! You LIED to me! You told me this computer has a 25000 Duo-Graphics processor! Damn you! Damn you to H-E-Double hockey sticks! There. I said it. HA! Dexter, you owe me ten bucks!”
~ A nerd on his nerd Fraternity
“Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base are belong to you!”
~ Some Male Nerd on How to pick up female nerds
firstthis article is,slightly acurate but there comes a limit!your quoting simpsons directly by sakying anyone who goes to the library is a nerd,as if reading was "stupid",what a stupid retarded thing to say-a sane person in a world gone mad on your stupidness
“M3 and my fri3nds all liv3 in th3 sam3 bunk bed, B3caus3 th3 t0p 0ne is t00 high for us”
~ A nerd on his sleeping contitions
“The nerds shall inherit the Earth.”
~ A nerd on His Future
“Being a nerd is cool!”
~ A nerd on his social life
“All my virginity are still belong to me. Hyanhanhanhanha, that's right!”
~ A nerd on Sex
“This guy's grammar is horrible, and where the fuck did he learn to type? Seriously.”
~ Yet another nerd on being a grammar nazi
“Well, I would like to service your mother-board”
~ A nerd at a bar, gets more ass than a toilet seat
“I hate nerds. Carrot Top is a nerd, John Cusak is a nerd, Brad Pitt... They're all nerds.”
A nerd (homo intelligencia, floro sapiens, virginus nerdius, or "homo supa smarcia") is a member of an odd species known for its love of computers, bad fashion sense, and inability to communicate with members of the opposite sex. Nerds are often looked down upon by assholes, or as nerds call them, "your mom." However, most nerds have pathetically deranged egos and bottomless vocabularies. This makes it easy for them to be able to get along with each other and accomplish great things, which is why they are dangerous in large groups, like Nintendo and Microsoft.
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[edit] The Nerd (The Lifelong Virgin)
Nerds are the result of rare genetic mutations that occur in babies. This virus will mature as the baby grows and under certain conditions, will become a parasite and take over the Human in question. The result is skinny and lacks certain social abilities due to the parasite not being able to control such functions. In certain cases, the virus is able to make the nerd handle incredibly intelligent matters, but always will lack the ability to talk properly.
Another side effect of the parasitic virus is that it has none or little control over the human's sexual desires, most of the time ridding the brain of that feature completely, though in rare cases it does not, but the effects are still obvious.
Many physical mutations are also involved in a Nerd, such as skinniness, though another form of the virus causes extreme fatness. Pimple like structures are often caused by the virus, and eye sight abilities are also diminished. Legs are stick-like and turn inwards or outward, becoming either knock-knees or penguin feet respectively. Pale skin is a common effect of the parasite.
A lot of nerds tend to catch public transport (train, bus, etc) as they don't own cars due to their lack of money. Some catch public transport because they don't have their license yet, as MMORPG's and taking AP Bio are a "lot better than driving". The variety that do own a car usually own rundown rust buckets (unless their parents bought them a new one). The nerd species is rumored to start taking panels off the car in the event of a breakdown to locate a broken processor/memory/Windows/other components on the car that could have caused the problem. This poor financial state a lot of nerds find themselves in is often due to the fact that they either have spent any money they had on the 1337est PC setup ever or that they just don't have time for a job because of their love for Warcraft or other equally nerdy games. Part of it is also due to them paying large amounts of money each month/year to play their role playing games, in a bid to assume the life of their game character rather than their own boring life. The apparent lack of money can also easily be seen by the poor clothes they are dressed in.
[edit] You can tell a person is a nerd if he (or she, for that matter)..
- Wears his shirt tucked in and pants up to his belly button and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- If he randomly calls someone a noob and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Denies being uncool and goes out saying "I'm gangstER! I am not particularly white and nerdy." and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade(Though this is does not always hold true. Some nerds have accepted their place on the social ladder)
- Makes love with his computer and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade
- Brings his laptop to school and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade
- Argues with girls all the time, trying to impress them with their large vocabularies and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade (which is obviously said nerd compensating for something..)
- Thinks that dinosaurs are still alive and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade
- Thinks that school should be open 24/7 and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade (The exception being the rare, lazy nerd)
- Comes to class on time each day and says "Gooooood Morniinngg" to the teacher in a very lame way, and even getting on the teachers nerves by the end of the year and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Sucks at playing sports. In fact, doesn't even try out for sports, and avoids taking P.E. and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Looks at the same yearbook picture of a girl, who is too good for him and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Talks to himself about how brilliant he is and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Talks to himself about his success like "At last, my greatest dream has come true! I am finally a level 16 Half-Orc!" and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade
- Yells lolololol in real life and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Consistently quotes Family Guy or the Simpsons and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Make's his/her own sound effects when (pretend) sword-fighting and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Have video game/Japanese anime music playing on their MSN now playing message and takes AP Bio in 9th Grade
- Takes the time to write on or actually correct Wikipedia and takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Takes AP Bio in 9th grade.
- Elaborates on questions.
- Has a fanny pack.
[edit] Places Commonly Infected with nerds
- Computer Labs
- Magic Stores (not Orlando Magic)
- Libraries
- Harvard University (or other Ivy League Universities)
- Basically, all of New England
- GameStop, Gamestation, Game, CEX (Computer Exchange)- videogame stores
- A chess game at a stadium
- Yu-Gi-Oh Card store
- School at 6am
- Internet Cafe doing their homework
- ClayPigeonSite
- Summer Classes...not because they are forced to, they want it. So bad. Oh yeah..
- Bus/train stops
- Your bedroom
- Wikipedia
- Hanging out in the dark corners of the mall in an atempt to be cool and taking AP Bio in 9th Grade.
- Marching Band
- AP Bio usually 9th grade
- Isolated, but not controlled corners of Youtube, either creating fanboy videogame console bashing videos or composing a Youtube poop.
[edit] Nerd Free Regions
- Whenever the pimp is in the crib ma dropping it like it is hot
- Gym and other sports related locations (Unless that sport happens to be chess, D&D, or any other type of "gaming")
- Where all the gorgeous girls are
- Places where "All tha Playas kick it at"
- Regular Bio
- Places where they think all the n00bs are
- Roller coasters (however, some nerds to partake in the roller coasters, trying to determine the G forces on the riders)
- Downtown (they would rather be in their basements playing D&D or other rpgs)
- Possibly a Government safehouse, but no promises.
- Vagin.as (with the possible exception of those belonging to female nerds)
- College Party (unless they are going to pull a prank on the poor nolife dude)
- In the movies (unless the movie is about YU-GI-OH, etc....(nerd stuff))
[edit] Different Kinds of Nerds
Though all nerds are more or less the same, they all have distinct characteristics that has sparked the interest of several scientists, such as taking AP bio in 9th Grade. The only thing constant between nerd taxonomy (classification) is the fact that they all are more ore less intelligent and have various role models respective to their "Nerd Type." Nerds can be either specific to one Nerd Type or be combinations of several.
Potato Gun Nerd
these are nerds who spend all of their time building potato guns. These nerds may also be known as JAMES PETZKE. JAMES PETZKE nerds are often very white, on the verge of albinism, because they spend all their time indoors building spud guns. You can see this on the picture at the right. If you think you know a JAMES PETZKE, be very careful. They may shoot you in the eye with a potato or blind you with their white ugliness. Either way, a potato gun nerd will hurt your eyes.
'''Computer Nerd''' -Nerds that are completly obsessed with their computers and are the most likely type of nerd to wear homosexual glasses. They have an overbearing obssesion with online MMOs and frequently get into fierce arguments with Gaming Nerds, arguing that PC games are better. They also spend a lot of time on sites like Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia, editing them for their own enjoyment. Their skills include hacking, typing, and reciting arbitrary computer knowledge that no one cares about. Their favorite things are: *Runescape (especially) *Counterstrike *Various role playing game games because they like to feel like their in control, contrary to their lives *Halo *Porn, which they keep hidden in well-hidden backfiles so that nobody finds out about it *Maple Story *<s>Bestality porn</s>
LOL -Some nerds will be LOLnerds which refers to a nerd who spends ample amounts of time watching many so called 'funny' things like:
- LOLcats
- Online cartoons involving cats, wizards, dwarfs, and/or other nerds.
- Any video game that has the main character making stupid jokes as when a person throws anotherperson into a freezer and yells "welcome to popsicle land!"
Be Warned LOLnerds can be dangerous and if threatened may, run into a corner, cry, call for mommy, and start sissy slapping
Gaming Nerd -Nerds that love console games with a fiery passion. They usually belong to several cults, and most of them can go on for hours saying how good of a game The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is. They frequently engage in feirce arguments with Computer Nerds, trying to convince them that console games are better than PC games. They almost unanimously warship James Rolfe, the Angry Videogame Nerd. Rolfe is the unofficial leader of the Gaming Nerd cult. The skills of Gaming Nerds include getting insanely high scores on games, being able to get in conversations with other gaming nerds, fantasizing about how awesome it would be to see Samus naked, reciting extremeley insight game knowledge for hours, and praising the fucking hell out of games like Zelda, Mario, and Metroid. Their favorite things include:
- Zelda
- Mario
- Halo
- Final Fantasy is much more mad chill yo than taking AP Bio in 9th Grade
- NOU
- Metroid
- Pokemon
- Maplestory (SMEX Pl0X!)
- Hello Kitty
- Warcraft
- Starfox
- Fire Emblem
- Other Nintendo shit
Cultist Nerd -These nerds belong to a huge group (sometimes multiple groups) of other nerds that are completely obsessed with a particular series or idea. They usually have a freakish obsession with science fiction and would give anything to suck George Lucas' balls. The two biggest of these cults are the Star Wars cult and the Star Trek cult. Each one equally sucks (although Star Wars is less gay because there's explosions and stuff), yet these Cultist Nerds are so obsessed with them, that they actually bicker with each other in a vain attempt to find which series is less gay better. Cultist Nerds are even looked down upon by other nerds, which is truly tragic. There only skill is reciting an infinite amount of useless Star Wars or Star Trek knowledge.
Pokemon Nerd -Some people are nerds simply because they like Pokemon. A Pokemon nerd is someone who is either obssessed with the anime, and/or loves the games. They know pretty much every Pokemon and their numbers. They can rattle off all kinds of pointless game mechanics and bore people to death with their endless knowledge of pocket monsters. Their skills are anything to do with Pokemon. Their favorite things are:
- Pokemon
Least Gay Annoying Type of Nerd -These nerds are generally the least disrespected type of nerd because they do things that others think are cool so that they are not completely ostracized. Or, they are generic nerds who proudly admit they are nerds. Although this results in ostrosization, there are some people who respect their courage and decide to be friends with them any way. Their skills are:
- Knowing when to shut up.
- bragging about all the
Gay,Bestality,Plant,Video Game Nude Mod, and Human porn they watch. - Pretending to have a girlfriend.
- Pretending to have guitar skills.
- Pretending to know what cool people are talking about.
The Mark Nerd - This is an extremely rare type of nerd, found only under certain conditions. The Mark Nerd has distinct qualities, some quite different from the other types of nerd - why, it could be said that the Mark Nerd is one of a kind. Unusually intelligent and possessing excess amounts of sarcastic wit, the Mark Nerd can be found mainly on Runescape and Neopets, though he occasionally appears elsewhere (Tribal Wars, methinks?). He spends most of his time online training his Runescape stats and/or torturing n00bs on Neopet's FC board. A skeptic by nature, he has the ability to refute virtually any argument made against him by accepting others' insults, twisting others' words, and ignoring the accusations that he has no response to. (There has been mention of the mythical Pyramid of Argument, in which the Markinator inevitably always wins, but no one's found conclusive evidence of such a thing. ..Yet.) Surprisingly, the Mark Nerd makes an excellent companion, showing both social and (occasionally) comedic skills. It is thought that he is unaware of how much he is appreciated. He is also known to be described as being repetitive, a Tree-Hugger, a Vegetarian, a chess player, and above all, a friend. x3 ..Oh, and he likes to read. ;D
Most nerds live off a diet of ordered fast-food and nik-naks, as they dare not venture far from their nest. Nerds have a unique stomach due to the necessities of the virus: it digests only a fraction of all eaten food and bypasses protein completely*. This is why nerds are skinny and have massively underdeveloped physiques. Nerds also miss many essential vitamins from only eating fast food and drinking through a straw.
- It should be noted some nerds lose their ability to bypass protein completely. They become large and will never mate. These nerds should be treated as if they were grues, except that kittens have no effect on them. They will, however, use you to fill their rather large appetite if you're not careful. Only an experienced blackbelt should approach them, as they are the only ones who know how to avoid letting the nerd turn his weight against them.
- It should also be noted that on rare occasions, a condition called Weirdis paradoxis transcendental thinneningis can occur when the nerd loses the ability to lose the ability to bypass protein. The nerd stays thin, but develops strange forehead ridges, abnormal ear growth, muscle growth and repeatedly tries to order a strange imaginary foodstuff known only as gagh from takeaways.
As a result of these eating habits, nerds tend to generate the sickness ACND, or "Acute Contagious Nerditus Disease". Some symptoms of this disease are: frail and skinny stature OR grossly obese, obscene and horrific amounts of dandruff, decreased vision (although this also is accelerated by facing the computer for a shitload of time), and shrinking of the genital region due to obscene amounts of consuming lard and lack of usage. Due to the odd stature of nerds, questionable fashion and nerdy attire ensues.
[edit] Are You a Nerd?
There are too many things that you can do that will make you a nerd. If you have more then one of these qualities you are most likely a nerd.
-If you are actually taking the time to read this article or editing it...
-Play D&D with a guy named Thorg the Penetrator...
-Stay in your Hobbit throne dungeon all day...aka your basement, and only leave to buy more food, mountain dew, and Kleenex boxes..... Do not want to go into detail about what the Kleenex boxes are for.
-Have really bad body odor that is a result of little showering (explained below)
-Spend most of the day and night playing a online fantasy rpg mmo with your *So called* girlfriend who turns out to be a man with a one testicle and wears a skin tight WOW shirt.
-Takes shower one night of the month to look good that one day when you chatting with your girlfriend (man in disguise) over the webcam.
-Glasses are not always a sure thing, but they are the nerds trademark symbol.
-Enjoys talking about computers, video games, math problems, your characters attack lvl and how you and your webcam gf are gonna finally meet someday and live happily ever after and be elven royalty,because really... no one gives a crap...
-Always carry a calculator wherever you go just in case you need to calculate the tax on that new orc dagger you saw in the comic book store.
-Naming your children after the characters in the Lord of the Rings. Having the name Legolas P. Almighty isn't a name the ladies will like.
-Greasy hair..... you have enough grease in your hair to make french fries for a starving family in Africa.
-Nerd weight class ranges from bone skinny to morbidly obese; generally the nerd will be at one of the extremes. The fatter ones are most likely to cop feel of boob....heh, but more times then not its their own....
-Cannot resist editing the grammatical errors in the sentence above...or this one...
-Editing Uncyclopedia pages because they find grammatical issues in the text..
-Use your ultra pro cmd.exe skills to impress your webcam gf (see above)
[edit] Polite, but fairly stern warning
If you suspect you are becoming a nerd, contact a doctor immediately. If you don't you may experience the following symptoms:
- Walking down the street past the TV shop and pressing your nose against the glass for a few seconds to watch Star Trek.
- Spending hours in your local comic book store to find the one (insert name of collector's comic book series) comic that you do not currently own.
- Feeling an odd attraction to any woman to have ever played any role on Star Trek
- Renting Battlestar Galactica.
- Stating that becoming a level seven dungeon master is the greatest achievement of your life
- Knowing that dungeon masters do not have levels
- Hitting edit before reading past level seven dungeon master
- Registering to become a member of www.Startrek.com.
- Attempting to create the Matrix
- Being in the 12th grade in high school but being physically smaller than most seventh graders; though, if you're female, this could make you VERY popular with lolinerds
- Joining the chess team, then crying to your mommy when a pawn gets taken
- Spending weeks on your computer without eating, sleeping, or bathing.
- Playing Dungeons and Dragons on a regular basis.
- Becoming significantly weaker when exposed to sunlight.
- Reaching Level 10,000 in Icy Tower and then bragging about it
- 5p34k1n9 1N 1337
- Having an unhealthy obsession with Maplestory or Spore
- Having imaginary sword fights with a nerd friend
- Having imaginary sword fights to train for your fight against your friend
- Having imaginary sword fights alone
- ...Having imaginary sword fights
- Dating a inflatable sex doll
- Spending all your time on "Uncyclopedia" or other sites writing large lists/paragraphs about nerds
- ----->Reading such lists/paragraphs and chuckling to yourself
At this point, the person your friends and family previously knew will be lost forever, disappearing within the barren wastes of his now-Vulcan cerebral cortex.
[edit] Lifestyle
Nerds are semi-nocturnal creatures, and will sleep for a few hours during the day before returning to their computer. The majority of the time a Nerd spends on his/her computer will be on internet forums, where they will sneer at everything they consider to be of a lower class than them, which, they believe, is everything. And when they carry out vocal conversation with other nerds, if any at all, they would inevitably sneer at everyone whose specialty is of a lower class than their art of programming, which they also believe everything is; an exception to this is when they are talking with non-nerds, whom they will never have the balls to attack in real life.
Despite their being defenseless against non-nerds, these "uncool s" will nevertheless be regarded as losers who are too stupid and pathetic to understand the higher human truth shared by the Nerd community, a place where these blasphemers would suffer from eternal damnation (for example, in an Internet forum); the effects of this damnation in real life are still in question, though. Many Nerds have put forward theories that Nerdom is the highest state of being, which have later proved to be wrong.
The social life of the Nerd consists of e-mailing other Nerds (using internally programmed toasters), school/college/university, and the single out-nest meeting place of Nerds, comic book stores. Many nerds are also to be found in stores such as "LEGEND", "MYTHOLOGY", "BEST BUY", or "TOYS 'R' US". Sometimes, Nerds hang out in the baby's section in the local store, claiming to "Want to fit in. Most of the time, nerds talk in their widely accepted language of binary. This continues to baffle leading experts on nerdology. The other pastime of the Nerd is playing Dungeons and Dragons, which is a board game mainly consisting of imagining things, and has been condemned by the Catholic Church as being an introduction to the Dark Arts, and that all who play will burn in Heck. Often, they will claim to be superior by being a level 62 dragon-knight with mithril-plated boots in various games.
Often Nerds have loads of friends (on their favourite games). These games can be World of Warcraft, Diablo 2, Half Life 2 Deathmatch, Lineage 2, Spore, or any combination of these games. These friends are frequently NPC's or other Nerds. Most Nerds take pride in having a level 62 dragon-knight with mithril-plated boots that they spent 47,268 hours on getting for a couple pixels.
[edit] Playas vs. Players
Nerds call themselves "game players", while pimps call themselves "playas of the game." There's a difference. Nerds try to impress people with how they can play A game. That means they play a game like World of Warcraft and show the noobs who's Lord. (read: fag). Pimps try to impress people with how they play The game. It means that they pick up a fine girl and show the haters who's Boss. (read: closet fag).
[edit] Religion
The majority of Nerds are believers in Star Trek, a mysterious religion based around an old space expedition. Nerds will flock thousandfold to conventions, where they will dress up as their Gods and perform strange and terrible rituals. There is no official head of the Nerd religion, though the announcer at the convention is treated as a nominal leader. The God Spock is thought of as the ideal for all Nerds, none of whom ever attain such a state. Interestingly, all Nerds are secretly attracted to the Goddess Captain Janeway. Other than that, Eastern Orthodox or Judaism are the religions of choice. There also have been known cases of Satan worship among nerds who play D&D.
Lately, Nerds have been found to be obeying Draenism, which is done by playing World of Warcraft 13 hours a day.They can also be Christian, but they incorporate Star Trek lore into the bible. for instance, when Jesus died a final time after the resurrection, Christian nerds refer to this as the "great beaming." The entity that performed this feat is known as the archangel Scotty.
[edit] Nerds and race
The nerdish race was a term used by the populations of both Nerds and non-nerds. While the Nerds use it as a symbol of their self-proclaimed technical superiority, the non-nerds deem it more appropriate to use it to classify the Nerds out of their community.
Many Nerds envisage a day, most probably inspired by science fiction which sets the stage at 40,000 AD, when the nerdish race becomes the only race capable of creating and maintaining culture and civilization, while other races such as the "handsome race" and the "socially presentable race", will be barely able to sustain their lives without help from the Nerds. Many books and movies have put forward this glorious vision of their future; most notably, The Revenge of the Nerds.
[edit] Nerds and S.E.X.
It is a commonly held misconception that nerds have zero sex drive, as all the hormones in their bodies escape through burst pimples and evaporates into the surrounding air. In truth, the Nerd is merely a painfully shy beast incapable of communications with the opposite sex unless helped by prodigious amounts of alcohol (thirty pints for their standards). This handicap is exacerbated by the fact that the nerd who manages to actually flirt with a woman will almost always be rejected due to his skeletal physique/acne/Dungeons and Dragons anecdotes/fully-erect penis the size of a TI-86. This is in fact a sad situation as, once house-trained, a Nerd will often make a loyal and loving companion for a young lady. The closest they usually come to this is fantasizing of their god (Spock) or goddess (Captain Janeway).
On the rare chance a nerd mates it's usually with a female nerd specimen. They do not have sexual intercourse due to size of sexual organs, thus they have "verbal sex" or over the internet "cyber sex". Both of their IP addresses then (L2P Nub) merge and go into a cybernetic fetal stage. The baby then springs circular from the disk drive of the mother and rapidly grows and changes shape. The offspring are known as nerdlings and develop into full nerds upon adolescence. However, even among nerds this is rare because female nerds are nigh-on non-existent and there are no girls on the internet. Not to mention that the mating rituals involve complicated application of charm spells, which a nerd's natural instincts will repel against because they represent a form of commitment. Contrary to popular belief, Nerds do in fact need sex. Due to their unique genetic nature, their sex partners are almost always their computers and their self. During their sexual arousal, their faces will undergo muscle restructuring and their facial Nerd characteristics will automatically manifest themselves such that they look like having suffered from extreme fire burn. Reports from the latest research showed that some 30% of Nerds do cry out during orgasm, which is effectively their only chances of practicing their vocal folds, while the remaining 70% who survive to the age where they are capable of ejaculation have already lost their oral speaking abilities or have finally realised nobody listens to them, and have stopped talking completely.
For Nerds, their definition of safe sex is a bit different from others'. For them, safe sex is when they jerk off with a clean moist towel, while unsafe sex is widely regarded as jerking off with a rotten moist towel stained with sperm from last week (or last hour) or those used by other Nerds in their village-like community.
In conclusion. They wank. Nothing else
[edit] Predators of the Nerd
The main natural predator of the Nerd is the bully. Nerds live in perpetual fear of bullies, and will scuttle from dark corner to dark corner when they leave the nest. Bullies can sniff out a Nerd from two-hundred metres, as the Nerd releases a hormonal chemical called geekisterone when they sweat, speak, and/or urinate. The only way nerds can fight back is on-line. The Nerds usually become administrators of various on-line activities where they take revenge on the bullies. For example Uncyclopedia, and its lame satire Wikipedia, were established so that Nerds will be able to delete whatever the bullies have written, while referring to some obscure "Law of Uncyclopedia".
[edit] Protection from Nerds
When confronted by an angry nerd ( its Runescape account etc), always remember to make as little physical contact as possible - nerds can be rabid, sweaty, smelly, diseased (though seldom with STDs), or they may even have a lifesize figure of the Star Trek spaceship, fully equipped with all its weapons/shields. If you have a o mag, old comic, packet of nik naks etc. spare, then you may wish to offer this to the nerd as a peace offering. If not, try to escape (anywhere with daylight or running water/soap is good). If this seems impossible, simply wedgie them or tell them that their science project sucks, which will likely lower their self-confidence back down where it belongs. While the nerd mopes, make your getaway.
[edit] Common Nerd-spotting Mistakes
When a nerdwatcher spots a Nerd wandering down the street he has to make sure that the nerd is an actual nerd and not a Geek. Geeks are a subspecies of Nerd with a lower IQ rating, and are smaller, more frail, and more acne-covered than nerds. The best test of true Nerd or Geek is to check the nest.
The Geek nest is grungy, dark and rank, and will feature a large selection of books, and a chemistry set as well as a computer. The proper Nerd's nest is probably Wikipedia. Another outstanding feature of a Geek that separates it from the true Nerds is that Geeks, especially of the Pencil Neck variety, are often hunted by professional wrestler Classy Freddie Blassie, who once swore to kill all grit-eatin', scum-suckin', dirty smelly pepper-bellied cotton-pickin' freaks (Pencil Neck Geeks).
Unfortunately, due to global warming, pollution and other mysterious circumstances a further sub-species of Geek has emerged. This form of Geek once resembled a human but the lure of a glowing computer screen and the seeming elusive "coolness" forced them into harmful activities such as Counter-Strike and in a ever downward spiral they find themselves playing World of Warcraft and/or Dungeons and Dragons. These beings may resemble humans to a certain extent, but simply mention one of their fetish-games around them and you will see what they truly are.
There are also many misconceptions as to what classes of Nerds there are. Class 3 Nerds are the lesser evolved and are usually found in the footsteps of a Class 1 or 2 Nerd. Class 3 Nerds have no common sense, but alas common sense isn't that common anymore. Class 2 Nerds are those whose life's purpose is to become the ultimate Nerd or Class 1 Nerd. The ultimate Nerd is someone who will get into arguments with others such as "Everyone knows you at least need a hyper drive to outrun the Millennium Falcon" and "The star ship Enterprise has some serious design flaws that could be fixed with a simple antimatter global discombobulation device". Class 1 Nerds will spend hours at a time constantly rearranging their Magic: the Gathering deck to better trick the opponent. They have been found to draw immaculate paintings which apparently say "I love my spleen!".
Luckily, Glamour magazine has published some tips on being nerdy. Below are a few of the suggestions they made for those individuals looking to be called a Nerd:
- Style - dress like you don't care. Girls like you because of your natural sex-appeal (although your ninja fashion sense is highly erotic)
- Social - read Slashdot a lot. The chicks dig it
- Money - spend it all on hardware and D&D-rulebooks (chicks dig the expenditure of money.)
[edit] Nerds vs. Geeks
The Term Geek, as opposed to nerd, in the modern world, may apply to any normal human of which are mid way between being a nerd and a "cool person". This delicate balance is withheld by the modern geeks determination to fit in to many worlds, and to be the bridge between the social gap. Many geeks in the modern world have aspects of both lives, while they may enjoy wallowing in the odd computer related activity, they also have a social side, and one that does not only include the company of other nerds.
Many geeks these days are often considered attractive/cute/funny/sexy etc etc by the opposite sex, of which we are talking about "normal" females, and not NERD females. The reason for this is because of their compassionate loving sense, along with the manly sense of being. It is also because they are fed up of the typical stereotyped males of today, Chavs, Pikeys etc. Geeks of today are well rounded, normal people.
!!!OLD INFORMATION FROM THE DAYS OF THE 90's!!! : (There is a whole section on the battle Nerds vs. Geeks. There has been a long waged war of nerds versus the geeks. The 1000 year war has, so far, had over one trillion dollars in damages and 6 known deaths. The death of Steve Irwin is currently being investigated after the years old debate on whether his show "The Crocodile Hunter" was of the nerd, geek, loser, or the dork category. Most of the nerdologists and geekologists have been questioning the family of the stingray that stabbed him.
To make sure one last fucking time that you know what the difference between a geek and a nerd is, nerds are simply lone, highly intelligent beings. Nerds spend their time creating new technology, such as the computer. Nerds do not seem to be interested in video games or a certain comic or even anything other than science. Geeks, however, are socializing creatures(only successfully sociable with other geeks though), and they are devoted to a certain club or only play video games and spend their time on Uncyclopedia. Geeks are actually a genetic family. There are different species of geeks, such as the listed: band geek, World of Warcraft geek, anime geek, Trekkie, Trakkie, Star Wars geek, and the classical geek.
Each faction has their own strengths. The nerds have high ranking IQ's and are able to engineer mind games stronger than the average 16 sided Rubic cubes. The geeks have the advantage of their own well structured hierarchy, with Grand Wizard Level 140 as their supreme ruler before their supreme god J.K. Rowling. Rowling has not shown divine interest with the geeks since their creation in the year 451 B.C. Though, they have their weaknesses. Nerds do not have the ability to socialize at all, even with other nerds. This has given geeks the impression that all nerds are just as frail as them, making them easy targets for an ambush with their paladins as a group. Though, it has been seen several times through history, in rare, outrageous situations the nerds will actually band together to create something similar to Optimus Prime. Last time this happened was in the post World War IV era whenever the empire of Taiwan was destroyed, which was one of the worlds largest suppliers of robots.
Note- Deranged scientists that actually study geeks and nerds have recently stated that they are seeing a new cross-breed of both factions, whose name is yet to be decided. Preliminary research shows that they can converse among their own kind, but yet also are extremely intelligent. Very few reports of this unnatural phenomenon are recorded, and strangely, nobody has been able to locate any of the scientists behind these reports. Whether they will eventually rule the world or be crushed by the two original factions has yet to be determined.
There is now a sub-species of nerd and geek, the fabled neek. Be warned, they are annoying..
Nerds are now in alliance with the emos so they can destroy earth with a big laser pointed at the sun and then drown the rest with emo music and tears.
[edit] See also
- HowTo:Deny your nerdiness
- Nerdiness
- Bill Gates
- Fanboy
- Band geeks
- World Of Warcraft
- Chocolicousistic
- HowTo:Stop Being a Nerd
- Linus Torvalds
- Steve Jobs
- Geek
- Purple nurples
- Angry Nintendo Nerd
- Why?:Will none of the other children play with you?, for advice on the development of embryonic nerds.
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