Netherlands
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Thi$ arti¢£€ wa$ writt€n b¥ a ¢apita£i$t.
You may read it for free during a 2 hour trial period.
Afterwards, it will crash unless you give us your credit card number.
Save money! Sign up now for only $49.99!!!
(first three months)
“In the Free World, I own the template!!”
| |||||
| Motto: "You want a hit?" | |||||
| Anthem: "Nederlander Ãœber Alles" | |||||
| Image:Geert hitler.bmp | |||||
| Capital | the worlds largest streetcorner | ||||
| Largest city | Sittard | ||||
| Official languages | Drunken Babel or Babel under the influence of drugs both are pretty much the same except drunken bable you say more stuff like "your my best friend" while the other you laugh more sounding a bit like beavis and butthead | ||||
| Government | Whoever isn't stoned | ||||
| -High Druglord | Hollando's Mum | ||||
| National Hero(es) | marijuana, wooden shoes, HOLLANDO!, Geert Wilders and windmills. | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Declared independence after the Dutch Beer Riot of 500 A.D. | ||||
| Currency | The Nederlander Marcke/Weed in some areas | ||||
| Religion | Jamaicanism | ||||
| Major exports | Whores, Ecstasy, Windmills and Wooden shoes. | ||||
| Major imports | Weed, Marijuana, pot, and some beer. | ||||
“They sure know how to pass one... the right way!â€
~ Oscar Wilde on The Dutch
“Look, the marihauna is just a tourist trap allright?.â€
~ The Dutch on being considered high all the time.
“When global warming happens, they're Fuckedâ€
~ Captain Obvious on Holland
“He says his hair isn't red... but it is.â€
~ Hippy on Hollando
The Netherlands is a country located in the far west of Europe, It is a Germanic state no matter how many Dutch themselves wish to believe.They are also the first country who were moronic enough to vote for Harry Potter as their president. It has been manufacturing wooden shoes and windmills for the world-market ever since the Dutch noticed they had ocean-front property, and realized that they could make money off of it. In fact the Dutch can be considered the most Capitalist race in existance, often buying and selling anything: From weed to their own children. The Dutch themselves are also famous for making the Major Germanic Evolution of switching from Beer as their primary energy source to Marijuana.
Contents |
[edit] History
Dutch History Largely begins around the separation from Germany and Japan itself in 500 A.D. this separation was sparked by the Dutch Beer Riot in which over half the Germans living in the Netherlands decided to call themselves Dutch Instead of Deutsch. This name change was designed as a method to make themselves better beer brewers (Since it was a known fact that all Beer Brewers brew better with a "u" or "ü" in their name.), although it would take them another 400 years to realize that this in itself wasn't the only thing one needed to make beer, since wheat and barley were also needed. Even with these shortcommings The Netherlands began to flourish as a beer capital of Europe.
It was this that caused the Dutch to invent the very first, Evil Corporation: Heineken Under this liscence they began to buy out many of the smaller beer companies and forced many consumers to drink their beer because nothing else was available. This ironically pushed many of the Dutch in the latter part of their history to move onto something more readily available. Marijuana was perfect for this, since unlike beer it burned cleanly and was far stronger, in exchange however their Dutch mentality would rot further.
In the late 1600's the English across the channel grew sick of the Dutch Monopoly and began to convene "Councils of Evil" in order to crush the Dutch Monopolies which had begun to grow far beyond the Netherlands themselves. (The Indonesian Islands were all now forced to drink low-quality Proletarian-made Beer.) In a major reversal however, it was eventually decided upon that the Dutch had better beer then the English. The English then declared Commercial War, and crossed the channel to steal every ounce of beer they could get their hands on. The Dutch eventually ended the war when they noticed that for a change their profits hadn't increased over 5000% in a single economic quarter. They gave the English free beer for 2 years as war reparations. It was because of this war and slight profit loss that the Dutch decided to invent Capitalism.
The English were lost without a system of their own and so hired Karl Marx to create one, His creation: Communism however was entirely too Red and full of Proletarians, so they grudgingly accepted Capitalism as their state -ism as well. (They would end this with the creation of the Welfare State in 1949 in order to once again smite their Dutch opponents, granted by this time the Dutch were so immersed in Marijuana they didn't even notice.)
The Netherlands then sat back and made money for the next 300 years and even through WWI when their neighbor Germany tried to get Beer from the Netherlands in order to increase the strength of their troops, the Dutch were too pre-occupied selling beer to other countries that no longer had the German stock. (Including creating the new Dutch Beer Slogan: Dutch Owns Deutsch)
The Interwar Period was fueled by the Prospects of Prohibition America and the Dutch quickly made connections with Al Capone in order to provide the Americans crappy Beer for a lot of money. It was around this time that Marijuana was introduced into the Netherlands and changed the Beer market forever, causing most Dutch to not "Give a damn" about anything. This led to the downturn of Heineken, The Germans Sensing their weakness and still pissed off that the Dutch thought they had better beer, invaded The Netherlands and Netherlands minor once again forcing them to be Germans.
[edit] The Beer "V" Marijuana Wars
Once liberated, The Netherlands began the most lack-lustre period of their history: The Marijuana wars. The Newly created NeuDutch Beer Ltd. versus Marijuana. However since all those who used Marijuana didn't care, the company didn't have much to fight and because of this more and more Dutch became users, until it reached its 86% peak level that it is today. The remaining 12% still drinks beer, the last 1% uses Prostitutes for their high, since most Dutch whores are often so full of Marijuana and/or Beer they intoxicate all those who are within 5 feet of them.
[edit] The People
- Main article: The Dutch
The People of the Netherlands are known as the Dutch, they are a very Germanic people with Germanic characteristics and German names. However they refuse to be known as Germans. Even though they display most of the common characteristics. (They hate the French.)
Because the Limburgians are exterminating the Dutch and because of the giant immigration numbers almost every citizen of the Netherlands is Muslim.
The Dutch themselves have for some reason or another fallen in love with the color orange, and make it a point to cover anything possible in that color (Traffic lights, Tanks, and foreigners.), you are often not considered dutch at all if you don't have at least 4 things in the color Orange on you at all times. The Dutch being the only Germans not to have embraced Red as the true color of a Reich. The Dutch are also unique out of all Germans in that their main energy source is not the blood of their enemies and beer, but Blood and Marijuana.
[edit] Geography
- Main article: Atlantic Ocean
The Dutch unlike most other people in Europe are not happy unless they live in a very random and dangerous place on the European continent, this is accomplished by building massive dikes to hold back the North Sea to a certain point in that every few years it shall collapse and kill off extra Dutch. In this way ensuring an effective policy of Population control, as well as allowing the kiddies to have a swim every so often.
The Dutch who were once also known by the name: Dikes. This is apparent in the apparent know-how of every single Dutchman to build a dike in the most inconvenient of places with the most exotic of materials. Tic-Tacs and rubber-bands are among the favorite, but gum and paperclips can also be used by a skillful Dutchman in a pinch. It is well known that the vast majority of Dutch Dikes in the Netherlands are constructed with either one set, or both of these materials.
[edit] Flevoland
While originally inhabited by the Atlanteans, the Dutch successfully pumped away enough water to form a land with at least the area of Spain. This now densely populated area counts over a staggering 370,656 inhabitants.
However, since its feature of being pumped out of the water, it would mean that if the Great Dyke would collapse, Flevoland would no longer be a province the size of Spain, but rather an outside swimming pool the size of Spain. The Flevolanders offer every week one of their first born virgins to the great Dyke, by binding them to a boat, and letting them float away. Most girls come back relatively intact, whereas some won't survive due to the vicious sweet water crocodiles who live there.
Tradition has it that during other days there is a boy with his finger in the Dyke.
[edit] Hollando
The Netherlands also know as HOLLAND! The newest name this vast country of hostile white land is Hollando. The entire population of Holland (which consits of one man) has herpies. Hollando was originally named by the ripped explorer Adrian Kazakos (aka KAZAKOS! or ZOOKOS! or damn that guy is muscly).
Hollando has also hooked up with Racheland who ate off his face. Poo Town has a song in memory of it. [Subliminal message: Poo Town in the greatest band in history and will be famous before even Willow]. Mitch secretly wishes he was a South Korean man whore named Kim Ill Lung Moon. Mr Lung Moon runs around raping small Native Amerocam children and their babies and a myserious red tinge to their hair. This can be explained because Hollando really has red hair.
Hollando's mum is know as the high drug lord of the Netherlands. Hollando himself is a national hero after he ate 473 hash cakes in 3 minutes. Hollando is made of cheese. Hollando's bestie is known as McLoving who he once tried to eat but spat him up soon after he realised he tasted like shit.
Hollando has also got a pokemon named after him, it is named Hollando. It evolves from Catipe, these are the catipie that are too discusting to evolve into metapod. Very little people have ever seen a 'Hollando' because it is the rearest pokemon in the world because the weedles eat the baby Hollandos because they want to shit all over the capipies. Of course Hippy would be an awesome pokemon like a dragonite so holland is irralivant.
Hollando was once cault in the women's toilets by the infamous Alex Peel while hollando was wearing lipstick looking in the mirror and saying "Oh your a dirty, dirty girl..." The reasons for Alex Peel to be in the women's toilets is questionable.
Hollando's favorite passtime is going to his VET class which is multimedia-media which is full of socially retarted nerds who don't know what the word turkfunglefasim means. Do you know what turkfunglefasim means? At VET Hollando like to make posters and programs for musicals involving hookers and mass murderers. He must be EXTREME!
I wish Hollando was my lover, and my father, and my brother, and my mother and my sister and my everything "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOUR MY HERO, YOUR EVERYTHING I WANT TO BE, I AM STRONG.... BLAH BLAH!" Take me now stud!
[edit] Major Cities
[edit] 's-Hertogenbosch (Den Bosch)
In this great city you can eat a Bossche Bol, some kind of ball which has cream in it, and chocolate as a hat.
[edit] Amsterdam
Known affectionately as the worlds largest streetcorner (Approximately the corner of Invasion Route Eins, and Tulip road.) Amsterdam has a long history of providing means to the Dutch of getting Drunk, high, stoned, smashed, wavered, or racially integrated (Used mostly during the German Occupation.). To get an accurate idea of the services available, it would take even the toughest Dutchman over 400 years to Smoke the marijuana available on one Amsterdam Street Corner. (There have been families that have attempted this, only one has ever gotten close.)
But Amsterdam is also known because of the Wallen. The Wallen is best Red Light District in man controlled universe (except maybe for Venus).
[edit] The Hague
Named because it isn't just "a" Hague, but it is truly "The" Hague. The Hague is considered one of the few places on earth that is truly full of the letters:"ue" Being filled with Mosques, Morgues, rogues, and Frenchmen saying: Que? .
[edit] Annefrankhuis
The Dutch version of Disneyland (Complete with Capitalist world conquering overtones.) Annefrankhuis is known Europe over as a place for all to be merry, and visit a little girl that few ever saw, and few have actually read about. German attendance has led it to being one of the largest and most profitable theme-parks in the world.
[edit] Brussels
Note that it is and always has been part of The Netherlands. Brussels is known as one of the lowlier sides of the Netherlands, with few deals of any sort going on, it is known affectionately by those who live there as Neutralia. It is expected to be upgraded the status of Dutch/German Military proving grounds in the near future.
[edit] Otherdam
Known as the other birthplace of That Other Guy Otherdam has long been the other place that The Dutch go to go do things other then what they do at home. Truly no Other place has so much to offer in terms of otherwise normal things. otherwise it is just another out of the way dam.
[edit] Oss
A proud little city under communistic regime where the local industry hands out free candy preventing your daughter from having ugly ugly babies.
[edit] Eindhoven
The only place in the world that can be seen from space because its so heavily lit. Philips broke the world record largest-lightbulb contest in 2006, and since that proud day not one person in Eindhoven managed to sleep. The radioactive bulb killed a few people. Eindhoven is also the home of PSV, the 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th winner of the Intergalactic Soccer Cup For DemiGods (ISCDG(the competitions has been held 2times so far).
[edit] Sittard
Suggested to be the Craddle of the European Race and Culture by Heinrich Schliesmann, Zecharia Sitchin and Homer Simpson. The City is now under control of Dr. Evil.
[edit] See also:
| This Deutschland-related article appears to be lacking in efficiency. Its creator (who is probably Black, Jewish, or homosexual) will be eliminated. Zerstören Sie! |
Europa 
| ||
|
This box: view • talk • edit
| ||
Categories: Germany | Europe | Countries | Netherlands
