Neverton
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| Neverton F.C. |
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| The Toughies |
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| Founded: 1885 |
| Ground: Badimoon Land, Hell |
| Manager: Gollum |
| Chairman: The Scouse Mouse |
| League: FA Premiership |
Neverton are a B.B. King- and candy-obsessed football team. They are widely considered to be the finest side ever to play in Azerbaidjan, or they would be but for the fact that they are actually based in Her Majesty's Prison Scousonia. Over there, they are currently regarded as the 4th best club, with only Liverpool, Liverpool Reserves and Tranmere Rovers above them. They are the George Harrison to Liverpool's Lennon & McCartney. Or possibly Ringo Starr.
[edit] Glory Years
'The Toughies' had a good run in the seventies and eighties, after standing under Liverpools table for so long. And haven't done anything of note since then, apart from...nope, thought I had something there but it slipped.
[edit] Famous Players
Gary Lineker One of the world's most renowned crisp thieves, the zenith of his career was his goal against Germany in the World Cup when he took the ball in his mouth on the England goal line, used his Dumbo-ears to fly to the other side of the pitch and calmly spit the ball past an air-punching and kitten-raping Harald Schumacher. BBC's Match of the Day use GaryBot 3000, a primitive and monotonous android designed in his honour, as their presenter.
James Beattie A rubbish striker, but with an absolutely fabulous hairstyle.
Mikel Arteta An ETA-terrorist sent to learn techniques used by the Scouseland Honourable Independence Team, an organization fighting for the liberation of the Merseyside. To the ETA's astonishment, Arteta was so good at his cover job as a Premierboat footballer that he was soon Neverton's finest player.
Tim "FUCK SHIT WANK BOLLOCKS CUNT MINGE BASTARD COCK PUSSY MITTENS CABBAGE V.D. ARSEHOLE BLAAAAH RRRRRRRRAHHHHHHHH SPACESHIP POOBALLS JELLO EEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!" Howard Tim is a brilliant goalkeeper from the United States of America. He is one in a long line of ex-Man Utd players to end up at Neverton, following in the illustrious footsteps of none other than the great Phil Neville.
Timmy Cay-hill, mate. Crikey! Australia's finest export. Fuck Fosters. Fuck Fosters rrrrooooooight ahp the ah-se. In fact, fuck Markus Heiniken as well.
Andy Johnson You know, Tom's dad. Duh.
Marco Materazzi Strange but true. The man who scored Italy's equalising goal in their World Cup final win of 2006 once donned that other famous blue shirt - the shirt of Neverton.
Andy "Oh You Beauty, What A Hit Son What A Hit" Gray The television commentator notched an impressive two-thousand goals in a 17-year spell on Merseydive before the bright lights of satellite television came a-calling. Also 'scored' with a winning Shredded Wheat commercial. Take a bow, son. He also talks out of his arse on a regular basis,the one time he didn't speak out of his arse was when he commentated on Steven Gerard's amazing last gasp goal against olympiacos.
