Things America Did Not Invent
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There is a long list of things America did not invent. From the apple pie to zebras, America didn't invent them all. However, Americans believe an astonishing amount of bullshit, not the least of which is the notion that America is actually capable of producing an original idea. A classic example of this is the phrase "American as apple pie", which, along with Santa Claus, is the sort of crap parents instill in their children in the USA. (I mean, come on! Apples... crust... baking... Americans don't honestly think they were the first to make the connection, do they?) Anyway, enjoy this horribly butchered and painfully biased list.
Along with apple pie, plenty of other "American inventions" were stolen from Europe. In fact, Europeans should really consider entering a giant class-action lawsuit against the US for intellectual property rights infringement. Paradoxically it is well known that Europeans are completely devoid of intellect with the exception of Greece and England.
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[edit] Things America Did Not Invent, But Thinks It Did
- Food — Many Americans are under the impression that until America came along, the world was hungry, and that America invented food, such as the previously mentioned apple pie (stolen from England), hot dogs (stolen from a German guy), Kumara (they stole it from New Zealand and called it sweet potatoes), hamburgers, pizza, bacon, and broccoli (thank God, it wasn't us). Did I mention apple pie?
- Technology — radio, TV, nuclear reactor, tanks, helicopters, cars, huge cars, submarines, skyscrapers (see the Eiffel Tower), light bulbs, and the computer. Not even the plane, it turns out. Oh dear.
- Television - The Office. True, the British had it first, but no one can deny that the American version is funnier (provided you have no sense of humour, which incidentally was invented in England, the Americans just butchered the 'u' in the spelling).
- Legal — capitalism, democracy, the Constitution, lame politicians (stolen from Britain), liberals, conservatives, the Declaration of Independence, America.
- Air — As full of themselves as many non-Americans view Americans as being, it's still always surprising when one comes across Americans who believe America invented air. Air, as we all know, was actually invented in Britain during the Scientific Revolution.
- "Fixed-wing aircraft" — All the Wright brothers did was put a kite together and wave mechanical wings using rusted bicycle parts, going from someone's roof to the ground (something man has been able to do since the Dark Ages). The true inventor is some Brazilian guy you've never heard of.
- Silicone boobs—Those wicked Japanese people! But it's not their fault. It's the only way those poor flat girls can get boobs.
- America — Christopher columbus, A spaniard working for the English (actually he was italian working for spain) found America, and it belonged to the English until the yanks decided to take it by force, causing the civil war of America. To this day, any smart Americans hate the rest of the population for the vast defecit of life the USA now have, and no real history that isn't English.
To its credit, America has yet to invent a disease (except perhaps obesity). We have Africa and Asia to blame for that. Syphilis can be blamed on a hot Latina chick Christopher Columbus picked up in Puerto Rico, but that's not really America.
[edit] Things America Really Did Invent
- Nuclear Bomb — they're welcome to that one.
- Crap Food — fast food, corn flakes, spam (the "meat"), chow. (Aren't you glad?)
- Toilet roll — no argument here.
- American football — They basically took rugby and added shoulder pads (because they're so delicate), confusing number sequences, and jockstraps. Named after REAL football which, in turn, they like to call 'soccer'.
- Jazz and country music — Yes, America is home to both the fundamental sound of jazz and the annoying sound of country. Shame.
- Mormonism — And oh, thank God they haven't shared with the rest of the world (yet they keep trying). Also scientology. (Apparently, whenever Americans do invent something wholly original, it's always some nutjob religion.)
- Other stuff — Not necessarily an invention, but America did reintroduce the concept of actually losing wars instead of being 'pussies' (smart) and running away/keeling over at the first sign of enemy gunfire.
[edit] Things America Really Did Invent, and Should Be Ashamed Of
- More Crap Food — crappy mass-produced chocolate (see Hersheys) and crappy fast-food.
- Technology — Hummers and the Terminator. Just you wait.
- Other — multi-million dollar political campaigns, $50 million presidential inaugurations, Paris Hilton, and George W. Bush (although most people prefer to believe he (d)evolved)
- Text messaging — OMG!1!11 H8TRS STUFU LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I LOL'D. This is the basic vocab of American gamerz and what pain they caused the world.
- Alvin & the Chipmunks -A failed tribute to 'American supremacy'.
- Rap - Where else could you pimp your ho's in the hood?
- Government Cheese- See Kraft Cheese
[edit] See Also
