Arkansas

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“Ya'll keep it in the Family!”

~ Cleetus Constantinople on The new State motto of Arkansas.

Arkansas (Template:IPAEng)was the 9th state admitted to the Southern United States after its purchase from Oprah Winfrey. It was originally a province of Kansas, and its name was meant to be a combination of the words "Ar" and "Kansas." However, after the release of the Wizard of Oz movie, a group of rebels led by Lord Clinton (a direct relation to the current governor, Bill Clinton) took control and demanded that Arkansas be given statehood separate from Kansas. This was granted on June 21, 1788. Today, many natives are still sore about their namesake, and they often insist that the name Arkansas is Southern dialect for "I can saw," which is a fundamental skill for building the wooden trailer parks in which both the white and the white-trash natives live.

"Arkansas" can be pronounced 13 different ways and spelled 9 different ways.

1 State Facts
2 Early Settlement
3 People
4 Arkansas Beach Project
5 Politics
6 Chicken
7 Notable Arkansans

[edit] State Facts

Governor - Mike Beebee

State Abbreviation - ARK

State Capital - A (Duh)

Largest City - Manchester

State Bird - Misquito

State Flower - Wal-Mart

State Anime - Revolutionary Girl Utena

State Pastime - Spitting on damnyankeys

[edit] Early Settlement

In the beginning, Wilford "God" Brimley created Arkansas, and the waters were in Arkansas and above Arkansas. Wilford Brimley divided the waters, putting some in the air as humidity and using the rest for his oatmeal. Then He spoke, and said, "Let there be mosquitos, double-wide trailers, trash on the sides of the highways, and unlimited bacon fat." And then these all came into being, and the Wilford saw that it really, really sucked. All of these things He did in four minutes.

Then some people came over the Bering Strait on a land bridge and stayed in Arkansas for several thousand years, planting arrowheads and waiting to be killed off. They were called the "Downwind People", because to be downwind of them caused insanity and death.

Legend goes that the last of the Downwind People to be killed was a young man who was drowned in the White River near Eureka Springs. His dying words, whilst choking on the freezing cold river water, were "yealll yall wal." Many sympathizers throughout history have given homage to this legend. For instance, Wal*Mart was named in order to remind people of that gagging "wal" sound, which is dear to so many hearts, so that they would feel more inclined to purchase goods. Also, the phrase "ya'll," a contraction for the words "you all," is one that is used almost exclusively throughout Arkansas.

[edit] People

The people of Arkansas are often called hillbillies, red necks, hicks, white trash, trailor trash, and, of course, Arkansans. Though there are some Arkansans who live in cities, many of them live in rural areas where they reside in trailor homes. Many Arkansans are thought to be products of incest, however, there are few cases of this which can actually be proven because of the frequency of mail-order ministers indiscriminately marrying anyone willing to provide potted meat. This also led to frequent prepubescent and same-sex marriages, until then-governor Bill Clinton used a mail-order minister to marry every Arkansan to the Razorbacks.

[edit] Arkansas Beach Project

Arkansas was once an entirely landbound state, but after the demise of Louisiana in the Great Flood of New Orleans in 2005, and the Great FEMA fuckup with it's resulting inability to restore the levees, Arkansas now sports some of the best beachfront property on the market today! All 75 miles of Arkansas' southern border are now covered in beautiful white sand and imported seashells of the finest quality! Thanks to the HAA (Hillbilly Association of America)'s "Arkansas Beach Project", the coastline looks as though it has been there for generations! If you are interested in visiting, accommodations can be made by contacting: HAA c/o Arkansas Beach Project 104 Beachside Ln. Little Rock, AR 601601 - 75

[edit] Politics

Recent Gubners:

Mike Beebee is a governor that wants to take over the south, and get a cool New Yorkian girlfriend. It is presumed that, after his reign of terror is over, then he will start his own TV series called Ed & Mike Go To Mexico.

Mike Huckabee is an emaciated Baptist minister and space alien who used to be really, really fat until he paid a bunch of trainers a fortune to starve him and make him run in place so now he is thin and his skin hangs off of him and he criticizes the rest of the state which he calls "A Banana Republic" for being fat. Huckabee thinks he might run for prezdent, but good luck there, Boy.

Jim Guy Tucker is in jail for being snagged after Whitewater. Hillary Clinton is still laughing about that one. She is in the senate and Jim Guy is in jail for the same thing.

Bill Clinton served as governor here which entailed enlisting the state police to secure him homely women to screw on the side, as well as screwing up the education system in the state even worse than it was before if that's possible. His reward for making the state a laughing stock was to get elected prezdent and then having a silver trailer on stilts put up in his honor in Little Rock that they call his prezdenchil liberry where he now lives with first lady Monica Lewinsky for three days out of every year.

Dale Bumpers was an old bastard who went to the congress and stuck up for Slick Willie when he got caught with his pants down with that cute little fat girl with the blue dress.

Winthrop Rockefeller was the first Republican governor since reconstruction. Having founded standard oil, Winthrop was the richest man in the world. Since he could live anywhere he wanted, he chose to live in the most beautiful state in the union. He bought Arkansas in 1957 and moved in the next year.

Orvill Faubus was a bigot and he is now almost as big of an embarrassment as Slick Willie, but the old bigot farts around Arkinsaw still remember his reign as "The Good Old Days."

[edit] Chicken

The People of Arkansas enjoy chicken to an almost unholy amount. They enjoy chicken SO much, in fact, that they created Tyson - a company fully dedicated to fulfilling its chickens' every desire that they need not lift a precious wing or sound a sorry cluck. These chickens are often found in states of such ecstacy that they keel over off their roosts. From the aftermath of these acts, several local recipes were created, including: