New Plymouth
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YOU SUCK. YOU ALL SUCK, YOU WEIRD, OBNOXIOUS, PARANOID FUCKERS. DAMN, I LOVE THIS PLACE.
Want fun? Want excitement? Want places to explore and things to do? Want a warm environment that makes you feel at ease?
Keep dreaming, sucker.
Contents |
[edit] Towne History
“New Plymouth! Did you get the pickles?” yelled New Plymouth, hoping he would be heard. New Plymouth sighed, the smirked evilly when he saw New Plymouth come running down the hallway with a jar of pickles in her hands. When she got to New Plymouth, she thrust the pickles into his arms and collapsed on the floor.
“New Plymouth! Why do you want the pickles?” asked New Plymouth, panting from having run to and from a deli two miles away. “You aren’t allowed to eat lunch yet!” New Plymouth stared pointedly at New Plymouth, sizing her up, and decided it would be best if she didn’t know.
“My dear, dear New Plymouth; you aren’t terribly smart, are you?”
“Gee, thanks! What the hell are you talking about?”
“You know the two new interns that started a week ago? They need to be… taken care of, if you catch my drift.”
“You mean New Plymouth and New Plymouth? Whatever the hell is wrong with them?”
“They almost discovered my secret.”
“Sure. With what methods?”
“Magic.”
With that, New Plymouth turned around and strode away, leaving New Plymouth standing in the middle of the hallway fearing for his mental health. As New Plymouth was about to turn the corner and disappear from view, he suddenly became very still. New Plymouth thought, at first, that New Plymouth was trying to psych her out. After a few minutes passed and he still wasn’t moving, she began to get worried.
“New Plymouth? Are you okay?” asked New Plymouth. New Plymouth didn’t react. New Plymouth snorted angrily and looked around for something to grab New Plymouth’s attention and nearly fainted when she looked upon the other side of the hallway. Every doctor, patient, nurse, and intern was not moving; it was almost as if time had stopped for them. New Plymouth, with her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming, walked over to one of the newer doctors, Dr. New Plymouth, and touched his face to see if he was still alive. It was a peculiar sensation; when her hands touched his face, it was as if she was touching a glass wall; it’s there, but there’s no special feeling. All of the sudden, New Plymouth felt warmth and life again.
“What the f- !” exclaimed Dr. New Plymouth, startled to have New Plymouth touching his face. He jumped
[edit] Geography
New Plymouth is sandwiched between a threatening mountain and treacherous ocean. Under the persistent threat of volcanic eruptions and gigantic tsunamis, New Plymouth people have evolved physically into squat-bodied, long-legged freaks with bulging quadrapeds and triceps for quick getaways in the case of emergency. The local civil defence is ably run by Barry Triceptovich, a monkey faced obese man without a penis.
The principle landmark of New Plymouth is its rather unusual mountain.
[edit] Local Politics
New Plymouth is run by the Anarchist Collective of Taranaki. They rule with a ruthless sensibility. Prisons are currently at capacity and mind-control drugs are slyly distributed in pharmeceutical prescriptions. The town is ruled with an iron fist by Peterhead Tenantface, a Slovakian immigrant without eyes.
[edit] Youth Culture
New Plymouth youths surf, slowboard and bikehide. B is the drug of choice amongst teachers, whereas the youth population prefer a pineapple lumps with a hint of cinnamon on their nights out. New Plymouth is popular for its funny jokes and giant bouncy lips and a high rate of teenage pregnancy. This may be due to the treaturous lack of things to do. And The Last Samurai.
[edit] Anagrams
New Plymouth is well known for the anagrams which can be made from its name. They include
- Townley hump
- Towel up hymn
- Whom puny let
- Howl up my net
- When up my lot
- Went lumpy oh
- Why lump note
- Why put lemon
- How puny melt
- Owl put my hen and
- We thump only
