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This article was mentioned in The New York Times, further diminishing what little credibility the media had left. You can read all about it here

The New York Times is a Narnia based newspaper distributed by an espionage group funded by the Democratic Party of the United States. Its main mission is to expose perfectly legal secret programs of the United States government and spread lies about honest politicians.

The solid print version has has been mostly replaced by the New York Times Online. The print version of the New York Times is read by those who are still unable to efficiently read text from a monitor. These human dinosaurs, on the verge of extinction, feel the need to have all their information wastefully printed on paper (a derivative of trees), so they can slowly and methodically pore through the limited information at a snail's pace.

Much of the New York Times is fiction, created and contributed by a staff of writers hoping to win the Pulitzer Prize for making up the most heart-wrenching liberal story they can and passing it off as truth. Typical stories of hopeless drug addicts or homeless single mothers (sometimes known as skank-ass whores) who the system has forgotten often represent the best attempts of the writers to make the wealthy feel guilty and the middle and lower classes despise the rich. Lower classes, including addicts and single mothers, are actually too stupid to read the newspaper.

The New York Times is read by exactly 134 people every day, all of them Anchormen, making it one of the most widely-read newspapers printed in America. It is also used as toilet paper by approximately 5,000 people daily on the streets of New York City alone.

[edit] History

The New York Times was founded in 1967 by tree-hugging hippies Free-flowing Waterfall and Whispering Forest. The five-man staff originally was only concerned with the happenings at their apartment. However, when they uncovered the infamous Toiletry Scandal of '69, in which board member Mrs. Terry Spencer was discovered stealing toiletries from the apartment's only bathroom (an offence for which she was executed), the newspaper gained international attention and was granted $30,000,000 by the Soviet government which was spent on toiletries.

Most of the money was spent on marijuana. All of the money was spent on cheetos. What was left over was used to expand the organization. By 1971, it was the most-read newspaper in the nation. Considering the fact that 98 percent cannot read, however, this is no major accomplishment. It was endorsed by the Communist Party of America, which was renamed the Democratic Party in 1980.

[edit] Famous Stories

[edit] Watergate Scandal

In 1970, New York Times reporters Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward began receiving messages from porn star/government insider Jonathan C. Deep Throat. In exchange for information, the two totally not gay reporters provided Deep Throat with blowjobs. While Deep Throat never actually asked for it, Bernstein and Woodward, who again are totally not gay, claim sucking the cocks of your source's penis is an ancient practice by journalists.

In 1972, Deep Throat provided the still totally not gay reporters with information that would rock the nation. He revealed that President Nixon was having an affair with a maid at the Watergate Hotel. This information gave Bernstein and Woodward (still totally not gay) god-like status. President Nixon declared he "did not have sexual relations with that woman" and resigned.