Nicholas John Griffin
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“My family arrived before the Ice Age, in fact they arrived here shortly before the Big Bang. I am more British than God, my family were here before him”
~ Nick Griffin on Origins
“I say, I say, I say: Nick Griffin's only got one eye. How does he judge distances? By their colour, creed, or sexual orientation.”
Nicholas 'John' Stefan Adolphus 'The Southern Dandy' Obadiah Jebediah 'Bent Eye Boy' Umdiddleiddleumdiddle-eye Juliano Boutros Boutros Ghandi Himmler salvador Barry Scott Benito Schloestengreueben Flip Flop Umtata Adolf Hitler Griphook Von Beethoven ڪښڙڈٹټچڅڤڪښڙڈٹټچڅڤ Peter Birdseye Potato Waffles Daithí Oberflaus Sieg Heil Griffin a.k.a. Quasimodo XVI, has been grand Führer of the BNP since 1990, when he was spurred into action by the assassination of right-wing goddess Margaret Thatcher, who was shot with a potato gun being wielded by a seemingly annoyed John Major.
Secretly Welsh, he was born in Llyywaclywlnllyouareafucktardifyoureadthisnamellareggubnocogocohocobigknockersamlochgoch in 1950, although raised from a early age in Aryan-on-Test, Hants.
[edit] Early Life
Born one of a litter of a legless drunken prostitute female pig and a degenerate bigoted drunken Northerner, Griffin spent his early years closely suckling greedily to his mother’s teats at the expense of many others of the litter who would not survive. He revealed his weasel like human qualities when after spotting a group of black children having fun he immediately felt persecuted and victimised as a result. This and regular psychological beatings from his racist father threw a young Griffin into politics at an early age.
As a young teenager, he is believed to have found current BNP Sturmbannführer Mark Collet when he was just a baby, having been left in a field. Griffin took the baby home and hand-reared him into a fully fledged SS Stormtrooper.
[edit] Political Growth
Nick Griffin’s appetite for Neo-Nazism was whetted by his father’s work for the Happy Hitler party. Fighting the forces of decadence in Britain’s cultural life, and the biological destruction and alteration of the British people, Griffin progressed from ironing his father’s black shirts to becoming chief pamphleteer.
Griffin continued his political growth at university and used the emerging Punk scene to promote Nazi values by forming the ‘Racy Mixers’. Whilst not a mainstream success, his band developed a cult following among other Narnia-jobs, producing hits like ‘I Am A Nationalist-ah’, ‘Pretty Boy Vacancy’ and ‘God Save The Queen - Which We Actually Mean’.
[edit] BNP Führership
Since Nick Griffin ousted BNP founder John Tyndall from the party dictatorship following a small altercation involving an egg and a badger, his style of governance has been markedly different from his late predecessor’s, with more attention paid to presenting a homelier (Nick’s home haircut), friendlier (Nick’s winsome smile) and less overtly racist (Nick’s love of Chinese food) façade.
John Tyndall was ultimately expelled from the party for writing the following to Germany’s N(sda)PD:
I could never look upon Griffin as a true BNP leader. From the beginning, there was something in his character and personality that troubled me. He just didn’t seem ‘quite right’. My wife, like many women, is an extremely good judge of people. She has met nearly all of my chief political associates and has never yet been wrong in her assessment of them. “Don’t trust him,” she warned, “He’s a frigging nutjob, and a Mincing nancyboy”. Damn that badger...
[edit] Chairman of Densa
In early 2006 Nick Griffin become the Chairman of Densa, the worlds first Low-IQ society, after 'Nice but Dim' Westwood stepped down. Nick decided to accept the position of power so he could corrupt the other idiots in Densa which his racist ideas, and further his cause of wiping out all ethnic minorities. Suprisingly, ethnic minorities are still allowed to join Densa and Nick seems too stupid to have realized the missed oppotunity to deprive them of something. Alternitively he could be allowing them to join so he gets their adresses and can have them rounded up and gassed during the night at his chamber located in the depths of a Bernard Matthews shed.
[edit] Accusations of Homosexuality
After appearing in a number of gay porn films from the late sixties onwards, specifically in 'Boys in Black Leather', 'Schindler's Fist', and 'Dude, Where's my cock?', Griffin was accused of being a homosexual, a claim he has strenuously denied. I may have appeared in some films, but I had no idea at the time that they were being used as masturbatory aids by sickos and perverts. As far as I was aware they were documentory films about the beautiful Reich. Incidentally my next film, 'Gobble Like Goebbels' will be in all discerning shops later this year...
[edit] Fascinating Facts
- Since 1990, Nick Griffin has a glass left eye following an incident proving the existence of Karma when a shotgun cartridge buried among burning rubbish exploded in his face with hilarious consequences. A section of his left frontal lobe was also lost and resulted in Griffin having to spend the next six months in a special hospital learning to march and rant again. However the eye in the middle of his forehead that normally is closed is still working perfectly normally.
- Although committed to racial purity and the defence of Britain’s genes, Griffin himself was born without any DNA.
- Griffin is loved by new Labour, who see his party’s popularity among disaffected, flag-waving, entertainment-seeking-morons as rich fuel for self-righteous warm glow dinner party speeches.
- Nick’s biggest fan, Margaret Thatcher MP, needs a life-size cardboard cut-out of Griffin accompanied by a tape of weeping returning officers to achieve orgasm.
- Nick is not a Hitler-admiring, Holocaust-denying traitor. It is quite wrong to say that supporting his party is akin to pissing on the graves of the millions who suffered under, and fought against, nazi insanity. He’s an all-round good egg - not a creepy psychopath who’d probably enjoy strangling non-Aryan babies with his stubby bare hands and then burning their bodies to heat the hot water he’d need to wash away the forensics.
- He looks like a really really ugly version of Captain Jack Harkness.
- Eventually convicted and given a Community Service Order to have group sex with some desperate aged Asian and African women. Given compulsory Bhangra Dancing lessons and required to do cleaning work in some Mosques.
- NICK actually married hitler in a secret ceremony in 1943.Furthermore Hitler did not actually die at the end of the war he was miraculously rescued by Nick in a daring raid and has resided in Britain ever since, posing as a rabbi he is referred to in certain circles as Nicks Bitch. They have one known child who masquerades under the nom de plume David cameron.His real name is still unknown.
