Nickelodeon
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Nickelodeon (April 1, 5000 B.C. - January 1, 2001) was a cable television channel that was dedicated to quality programs aimed at youths. It was owned by Viacom, ruler of the free world, which in itself is dictated by the evil Emperor Sumner Redstone, who is really old.
Nickelodeon aired and/or produced some of the greatest shows known to all mankind, including All That, Kenan & Kel, Salute the Dark, Are You Afraid of Your Shorts?, Are You Afraid of Viacom?, Ren & Stimpy, The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Roundhouse, Double Dare with Marc Summers, and the immortal classic You Can't Do That on Television.
The network was dissolved in 2001 when Sumner Redstone ordered the network to remove its classic shows. The network spun off into Nick, which is often confused with its predecessor, although it mostly airs utter crap.
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[edit] History
Nickelodeon was the brainchild of President Jimmy Carter, Nazi offspring Chad Hitler, and Viacom emperor Sumner Redstone, a ruthless dictator who bought Viacom from his older brother, Big Brother, in 1957. Big Brother died in 1984.
The network was a ripoff of an idea that Rupert Murdoch was concocting to brainwash America's youth into worshiping talking sponges and teenybopper singers. Murdoch and Redstone had been invited to dinner with the President in 1978 to discuss the idea of the world's first kid's network. Murdoch gave the two men every single detail he had in mind, and they loved it. Murdoch, however, had some problems getting the project off the ground and asked the two men to help him realize his vision.
Chad Hitler heard about the project and gave it the name Pinwheel, then abandoned the project and moved into a cave with Syd Barrett and J.D. Salinger, remaining elusive to the public for a number of years. Redstone and Carter, however, stayed on board and soon washed their hands of Murdoch and took all the credit for his idea. Murdoch was hurt and angered by this and dropped out of sight until he resurfaced in 1987 and created the Fox Network as a way to brainwash Americans without resorting to sponges.
Initially, Pinwheel aired a Sesame Street knockoff (also titled Pinwheel), as well as obscure cartoons and film strips. This approach met with little fanfare, and so in 1981, the network got a complete makeover.
[edit] 1981-1990
Redstone, who at the time was the sole owner and pseudo-god of the network, which had just recently changed its name to Nickelodeon, decided to steal some Canadian and British kids' shows and air them on the American channel, at no expense to him or the network. One such show was the hip and irreverent, groundbreaking sketch-comedy show, You Can't Do That on Television.
The show featured such iconic people and characters as Les Lye, Christine "Moose" McGlade, Ronald Reagan, and Barth. One of the shows trademarks, which is now owned by Viacom and Nickelodeon, was somebody getting slimed after replying "I don't know!" Slime soon became a staple of Nickelodeon, appearing in everything from YCDTOTV to Double Dare, to What The Hell Does This Kid Do?, all the way to the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards.
By this time, Pinwheel was canceled due to low ratings, and the network was looking for bigger and better things. They stole acquired the rights to such imports as Danger Mouse, The Tomorrow People, and The Yesterday People, as well as the Stanley Kubrick movie A Clockwork Orange, starring Malcolm McDowell. The respective copyright owners sued the network for copyright and trademark infringement and won big time. This left Nickelodeon with nothing on their schedule in those time slots. They decided to fill time by rerunning YCDTOTV over and over again, while in the meantime producing their own shows. The first such show was the Marc Summers game show, Double Dare, which premiered in 1986. The show was an instant hit with critics and audiences across the country and helped put Nickelodeon on the map.
Other shows produced during this time included Kids Court, the highly-controversial Kid Nation, A Clockwork Orange: The Series, Eureeka's Castle, Finders Keepers, and the short-lived Super Sentai parody dub, Dynaman.
Nickelodeon then sought to appeal to cowboys with the short-lived comedy series Hey Dude. It became expensive to produce all of these shows, so they were canceled as soon as the network opened their own studio in 1991. This studio was soon shut down because rat poison was accidentaly dumped into the cafeteria beef stew. Damn, homegirl, I like myself some beef stew. Ya heard!!!
[edit] Nickelodeon Studios, camp, couches, and Nicktoons
The 1990s saw a noticeable change in the kinds of programs on Nickelodeon. They had opened Nickelodeon Studios in 1991 and produced live-action shows exclusively at that location, which in itself was located in Charles Manson's prison cell.
The first show to be taped at Nickelodeon Studios was the Mike'O malley-hosted game show Get the Picture, in which two teams had to guess pictures to win points. The show was again short-lived, so the network had a few backup plans.
Live-action shows in 1991 included Salute Your Shorts, Fifteen, Nick News, Baywatch for Kids, and the short-lived live-action version of Rugrats, which starred actual babies escaping from their actual playpen.
Nickelodeon was also ambitious to produce their own cartoons, called "Nicktoons." These cartoons were to have spunk and attitude, since this was the dawn of grunge and all. The first three Nicktoons were Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, The Angry Beavers and the more successful animated version of Rugrats, which after its initial cancellation lasted thirteen seasons.
[edit] SNICK
SNICK was a bloody block of programming on Saturday nights starting in 1992. It revolved around older kids and teenagers sitting on a Big Orange Couch and hosting a two-hour block of programming. This block has since become legendary and influential to other similar blocks on present-day Nick and other channels.
Famous shows that have aired on SNICK include:
- Roundhouse (1992-1994)
- A show in which a group of improv actors had to perform comedy sketches while being Roundhouse'd by Chuck Norris. Unfortunately, viewers felt that Norris, not being at all funny himself, detracted from the comedy; Nickelodeon responded by firing Norris and continuing the show without him, albeit without success. The show was canceled in 1994.
- Clarice Explains It All (1991-1994)
- In this prequel to the Silence of the Lambs, Clarice Starling (Played by Melissa Joan Hart) is just a normal teenager with a quirky family. Her mother, Janet (Elizabeth Hess), is a stereotypical June Cleaver. Father George Marshall Starling (Joe O'Connor) was a stereotypical Ward Cleaver. Little brother Ferguson (Jason Zimbler) was an annoying brat, who was quite intellectual. Sean O'Neal played a young Hannibal Lecter, whom Clarice sometimes called Sam. The show moved to the SNICK lineup in 1992.
- Are You Afraid of the Dark? (1992-1996, 1999-2000)
- A legendary and influential Tales from the Crypt ripoff show in which a group of eight teenagers tell terrifying campfire stories. First person to pee their pants tells next week's story. The long-running show was briefly revived from 1999 to 2000.
- All That (1994-2000, 2001-2005)
- After the 1990 cancellation of You Can't Do That on Television and the 1994 cancellation of Roundhouse, Nickelodeon needed another sketch comedy series to balance out their SNICK lineup. They hired Brian Robbins, Mike Tollin, and Dan Schneider and a bunch of people from Better Off Dead and head of the Class to create such a show. They hired seven teenagers with enormous talent and called the show All That. Kenan Thompson and Kel Mitchell proved so popular that they spun off into their own show. Josh Server, to this very day, holds the record for staying on this show the longest. He was also the only original cast member to stay on for all six seasons of the show's original run.
- Kenan and Kel (1996-2000)
- The name says it all.
[edit] The Evilness is now in charge
The Evilness recently defeated and killed the big fat lier summer redstone he is now in a place much worse then hell. You all must obey the evilness if not then you will be tortured as much as Jeffrey The Magical. All Hail the evilness.
[edit] Death of Nickelodeon and birth of Nick
On January 1, 2001, after a government investigation and expired copyrights, Sumner Redstone ordered ALL classic Nickelodeon shows to be removed from the schedule, effective immediately. This movement pissed off loyal Nickelodeon fans, who had watched the channel since before they were even born. The network was off the air for the next two years until Redstone made amends with Rupert Murdoch, and the two relaunched the channel as Nick.
[edit] List of good shows from Nickelodeon 2001-present
- SpongeBob SquarePants (1999-present)
- The talking sponge idea finally took off. This zany Nicktoon's animation was initially inspired by the dudes who worked on Ren and Stimpy and Rocko's Modern Life, but has since gone downhill.
Update: SpongeBob, much like The Simpsons, is now so old that its newer writers have wised up, and the show is getting good again.
- Invader Zim (2001)
- An evil alien adjusts to life on Earth in this darkly funny Nicktoon. It was only cancelled because children are too stupid (much like pathetic moose-worm-babies) to understand its dystopian humor.
- Drake and Josh (Present-Present)
- A white version of Kenan and Kel minus the good jokes
- Avatar (2005-present)
- An unusually lofty show for Nick's standards. Much like Star Wars's borrowing from Western culture, this show intricately incorporates aspects of Eastern culture. It also kicks ass because the people in the show can attack each other by using air, water, earth, and/or fire. For some reason the show suggests the moon makes water attacks more powerful, which is fucking ridiculous because everyone knows that the moon has no water on it. Nevertheless, the show as a whole still beats the hell out of season 4 of SpongeBob.
- Zoey 101 (2005-present)
- Jamie Lynn Spears plays a Prostitute/slag and also happens to be Cruella De Vil's daughter, who is on a quest to capture 101 Dalmatians while attending Pacific Coast Academy. And Jamie Lynn's real name is I. Am Bette R. Thanne Every One Elsa "Else". Jamie also has an IQ of negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative 3.
- Nicktoons Deathmatch (2001-2002, 2004-2006, 2007)
- If only because of the appearances of characters from such classic Nicktoons as Doug, Rugrats, Ren & Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, Aaahh!!! Real Monsters, Invader Zim, and The Angry Beavers.
[edit] List of crappy shows from Nickelodeon 2001-present
- My Life As A Teenage Robot (2003-2007)
- Robot Girl name Jenny or XJ9 saves the world and all that sort of same crap, but its pretty entertaining to watch and its kinda funny if your high enough. Plus if you squint she looks sorta hot. (Who wrote that?! Human-robot relationships are so disturbing... that is just beyond interspecies love, that is just repulsive.)
- Back at the Barnyard (2007-)
- The main character is a male cow with udders, enough said.
[edit] Current TV Listing
8:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 8:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 9:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 9:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 10:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 10:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 11:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 11:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 12:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 12:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 1:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 1:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 2:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 2:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 3:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 3:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 4:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 4:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 5:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 5:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 6:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 6:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 7:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 7:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 8:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 8:30 - Spongebob Squarepants 9:00 - Spongebob Squarepants 10:00 - Spongebob Squarepants
[edit] See Also
- Niggerlodeon
- Hickelodeon
- Viacom
- MTV
- VH1
- beast wars
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