Nineteen Eighty-Four
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Nineteen Eighty-Four is a paranoid dystopian novel written by George Orwell. According to Wikipedia it is "an allegorical political novel", but I read the entire article, and there doesn't appear to be any Al Gore in it. Too bad; I was really wondering how Orwell would have fit Gore's PowerPoint on global warming into that bad boy back in 1949.
Nineteen Eighty-Four is considered one of the greatest works of social dystopian writing, along side Brave New World by Adobe* (formerly Aldus) Huxley, something written by Ayn Rand, and the book The Mouse and the Motorcycle.
Contents |
[edit] Plot
The farmer's prize pig, Winston Smith, begins the novel by ordering all the animals on the farm together for a meeting.
The farmer has just bought a kitten, named Nermil, who is just so cute you could shit. Winston is upset by this incursion upon his happy world, and sets about the business of huffing the kitten. This is later changed to using the kitten to huff the farmer. Winston was prone to whims.
In order to build a usable Cat-Toast Device from the kitten, Snowball, Winston's second in command and implied homosexual lover, teaches all the pigs to read.
Winston dies three days later, out of abject frustration that now that all the pigs can read all they do is sit around reading Penthouse Forum.
Two days later, Zombie Winston decides to leave the farm, and go to the big city to get a career as an actor.
after he butt-fucks his way into hollywood. Winston promptly realizes the need for a new revolutionary invention....... ANAL LUBE after inventing Anal Lube, Winston is able to have butt-sex with Big Brother, but he realizes there are other problems in the world besides a lack of Anal Lube
In the big city, Zombie Winston soon discovers that the world licks unwashed chode.
He gets the hots for some bitch, but apparently The Man, aka Big Brother isn't too keen on his horny problem. So, Winston mostly sits around his apartment beating off all day.
Zombie Winston eventually became a registered sex offender, because he beats his dick so hard that he had to go to the doctor for anti-inflammatory medication. The doctor, a member of the Inner Party, had reported Winston to the state.
Winston eventually is court-ordered to get a job. After a hilarious three-minute musical montage of him being hired, fired and beaten up by homeless people for stealing their change, Winston ends up at the Ministry of Truth
The Ministry exercises control over all the media in Oceania.
Yeah, Orwell was such a genius he actually makes the future rulers of half the world the place that produced Troy Polamalu, Junior Seau, the musical group OMC, and the Lord of the Rings movies. Pretty lame? That's probably why only basement dwellers take sci-fi seriously.
Anyhoo . . . the ministry, needless of being said, totally kicks ass. All it does all day long is think of Soviet Russia . . . er, Oceania . . . jokes. Whatever.
Winston and his co-workers while away their watching people fall past the window in their office complex, presumably being shoved from several stories up by the Ministry of So-You-Think-That's-Truth-Do-Ya. They apparently also pissed with something called Newspeak, but let's face it: 1, Newspeak is dumber than learning Klingon; and 2, Newspeak jokes have been done to death on Uncyclopedia.
Winston finally gets around to banging this chick, Julia, who he met during a re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor. Only, he finds out it's a dude, Julio. But, Winston desn't care. It beats jacking off.
Or so he thinks! HA! No one expects the Thought Police!!
Winston's illegal relationship is discovered by the Thought Police. They begin fucking with him, by convincing him that they are the only people who can resist the power of the farmer.
An Inner Party member, Napoleon gives Winston a copy of a book by I.P Freely, that apparently is this big shit revolutionary thing like the Anarchist's Cookbook. But, to be honest, Winston wasn't 14 years old anymore, so gay shit like that really didn't impress him anymore.
The Thought Police were pissed that he didn't like their book.
So, the Thought Police invited Winston to a party, where they challenged him to "find the fish" in an abstract scene. Winston couldn't find it. Napoleon bitch slaps him and says, "You're the fish!"
Winston is hauled off to the Ministry of Love on Valentine's Day. There, he is forced to listen to Barry White albums while being repeatedly force to ponder the endless war aka the War on Terror.
Winston is repeatedly subjected to shock therapy to be cured. However, he keeps babbling in his sleep about this hussy he banged a few times. Yeah, young guys are dumb like that -- get brutalized by the government because you really think some ethereal bullshit like love is worth it. Rightie-o.
Unreformed Winston is taken to Room 101, where he thinks he is going to get to meet sexy swingers. But, he soon realizes that it is a poor idea to base your hopes in a government-run dystopia on things you saw in Mike Meyers' most failed effort to do drama.
In Room 101, he is subject to his greatest fear: a world run by college-educated feminists who think everyone should get a degree in order to better themselves. Oh, and there are hungry rats trying to eat his head. But, ya know . .. um . . . Feminists? Rats? Which really worries you more? Bearing in mind, the bubonic plague will let you die after so many hours. Yeah, that's what I thought. Good boy.
Winston tries to think of everything he can to make the feminazis shut the fuck up about him needing to go to college. Finally, he screams, "Julia was just a fuck stick!"
The feminazis run away and the rats bgin pursuing them, attracted by their unwashed lesbian musk.
The officials at the Ministry of Love put Winston and Julia in the same room together to see if the reporgramming worked. Fortunately, Winston was reprogrammed using an Ajax application, while Julia was running an obscure form of Cobol. Winston tried to access her database, but his large integer caused an unchecked buffer overflow.
At this point, Winston knows he's gonna be killed. He just wants to make sure he still hates Big Brother when he dies.
Right when Winston is about totally pussy out, John Cleese appears surrounded by bikini-clad women, and says, "And now for something completely different!"
Winston is then rushed by all the pigs from the beginning of the novel. Snowball and Napoleon explain to Winston that he was partcipating in a game that had been set up for his amusement and his self-edification as a birthday gift by his long-estranged brother, played in the movie version by Sean Penn. He's then invited to join Fight Club by Meatloaf's ginormous man breasts.
Winston breaks down and cries. Everyone eats cake and ice cream. Fade to black, cue the lumberjack song.
[edit] Comparison between 1984 and Wikipedia
This is a comparison of Wikipedia to Nineteen Eighty-Four.
| 1984 | Wikipedia |
|---|---|
| Proles | Users and Anons |
| Outer party | Administrators |
| Inner party | Bureaucrats, Arbitration Committee |
| Big Brother | Jimbo Wales |
| Emmanuel Goldstein | Larry Sanger |
| Doublethink | Ignore all rules When convenient |
| Miniplenty | Requested Articles |
| Miniluv | Arbcom |
| Truthiness | There is no Cabal |
| Minipax | AIV |
| Eastasia | Baidu Baike |
| Eurasia | Encyclopædia Britannica |
| Memory hole | Wikipedia:Speedy deletions |
[edit] Enemies of the state
Willy on Wheels
Trolls pesky editors
Vandals pesky editors
Sockpuppets pesky editors
Pesky editors are usually editors that object to the Police state in Wikipedia and its similarity to an Orwellian State or they are often editors who try to get fact and neutrality into wiki aticles.
[edit] Themes
- Winston ends up dealing with sexual repression, because most works of European literature from the mid-1900s deal with sexual repression. Really, it's kind of cliche.
- Nineteen Eighty-Four also seems to draw parallels with Stalinist Russia. However, it totally misses the point on how fucking rock star awesome Joseph Stalin really was. So, honestly, fuck George Orwell for talking shit on Papa Joe.
- The novel constantly babbles and bitches about how much it sucks to live in a police state. What the novel forgets to tell you is that in a police state, you get free maid service. How's that? I'd give up my civil liberties just to never have to clean my house again. Man, Orwell was a whiny little pest.
- Also, in a police state, you never have to worry about finding something to watch on TV. The government does it for you!
- Another thing that bugs me, George Orwell thought that the government could read your mind, what a pile o' shit. Terry Gilliam so owns George Orwell.
So, honestly, George Orwell is still awesome.
