Nintendo 64

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pure communism

“It is our last....best chance for Victory.”

~ Joseph Stalin on Nintendo 64

“Nintendo 64? Does that mean that they only produced 64?.”

~ Captain Oblivious on Nintendo 64

“Меня не знают, как говорят”

~ Yoshi on Быть Коммунистом.

The Nintendo 64 (not to be confused with the Nintendo 65) was a mass brainwashing device invented by the failing Soviet Union sometime before the end of the Cold War as a means to brainwash the young American populace into a new communist generation to replace the Soviet Union, so far it seems to have worked after the 1996 release.

Two brainwashed children turning on their capitalistic parents.

The 64 was initially designed as a torture device to keep Hilter company as he lay far below the earth in some dungeon in Soviet Russia, Hitler eventually went mad from the machine and the emo bastard finally killed himself, Stalin saw the potential of the machine and set his comrades to work altering the machine to disguise it as a entertainment machine that could brainwash mass populations under communist propaganda, the device was completed just before Stalin's death, Stalin loaded somewhere around six million of the devices onto a Soviet missile, and launched them towards Japan where they intended the crazy Japanese would sell the machines to their American overlords.....err...I mean new friends.

If you played any game involving this character for more than five minutes, then you are a Communist, congratz!

The Japanese initially used the devices in their gameshows (dont ask me how), but eventually a young business man named Shigeru Miyamoto, who had a strange habit for collecting useless things, gathered up every single N64 and sold them to the foolish Americans, who would buy anything, Shigeru made a fortune, knowing nothing of the communist brainwashing within the devices, they instantly sold out in America and brainwashed nearly all of the American youth.

The machine was quite popular for a time, and its brainwashing eventually created today's American liberals, who are communistic bastards on the inside, and fellow comrades....err...friends have estimated that by next year the United States will officially become the Union of America Socialist Republics, USAR.

[edit] Games

There were a total of 6,464 games released for the Nintendo 64, 64% of which were ports of existing games. Only 64 of these games did not have a name ending in "64".

Some of the more well-known games on the Nintendo 64 include:

• Super Mario 64, which was similar to Super Mario Bros. except that the camera could be rotated 180 degrees at will, and Mario was now a freedom fighter for the working class.
• Pong 64, which was a reenactment of the Cold War.
• Superman 64, the original torture device that drove Hitler insane and forced him to kill himself, the Americans managed to survive its painful effects.
• The Legend Of Zelda: The Cell Phone of Nauseous Gas 64, tells the history of Russia, disguised as a fantasy story. Ganon is a Ottoman dammit!

There are thousands more, but nobody cares

Despite its wide selection of shoddy ports, it became unpopular among fans compared to the PSX which offered uglier graphics and an even worse frame-rate. They also complained about its frequent tendency to get up and run around the room, which generally resulted in its power cord being pulled out in the middle of a game.

The Nintendo 64 initially launched in two styles: black and gray. Later, Nintendo added an invisible model. This was the best-selling model, probably because people bought, it thinking it'd be cool and then lost it on the way home.At first Stalin wanted it to be red and have a yellow star in the center, but his comrades felt that would give it away, so they chose two colors that the capitalist world was used to.

[edit] Notable Games

• Linux 64
• Windows 98
• Halo 64
• 64 64
• Hate Crime 64
• Super Mario 64
• Shitzu 64
• Grue Attack 64
• Grand Theft Auto: Vice City: 64
• Super Smash Bros 64
• SimShitty 64
• Square Root of 64
• BIG WHEEL racing 7 sill rolling around with the chubby chassers 64
• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 64
• Conker's Pocket Tales
• Conker 64
• Conker and the 12 cute worlds of magical tales
• Conker's Bad Fur Day
• Conker Live and Reloded
• Final Fantasy MCXIII
• “RRRIIIIIIIIIIDDDGGGEEE RRRAAACCCEEEEEEEEEEEEERRR!!!”

[edit] Gallery