Nintendo DS

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The information in this article comes from the credible, unbiased and accurate source of a Nintendo fanboy, although the opinions have been slightly neutralized.

“Ever since the release of the DS, I have no fear of visiting the cinema, Event Horizon nearly finished me, but with my new Nintendo Gizmo, I even managed to get through Transformers without having to pull my eyes out.”

~ Van Gogh on Nintendo DS

“I never realised the babies from the DS were capable of so much”

~ Ian Botham

“My cat and I got high off the stuff from this thing, it was such an Sheeparaizing experience!”

~ Pete Doherty

“I bought 2 and then some more the next day, it is that addictive I now have too many to count with a stopfordulator”

~ Tony Blair and Gordon Brown on Nintendo DS

http://tinyurl.com/58unpl

Nintendo DS, stands for "Dang Stupid", "Dog Stench", "Dang Sexy", "Dip Shit", "Dick Sex", "Deadly Silence", "Show" and "Dick Slap". It was created to serve Japan and mankind in times of greatest need. It is more heavily armed than the SEXBOX THREESEXTY and the Nintendo Wii combined. This means that it is 1000 times more powerful than the Dreamcast, even though that's the most powerful system, making you suck bull's balls so much that thinking about it for more than 5 seconds will cause your brains to explode.

It's also popular among pedophiles, due to its ad campaign ("touching is good"). Apparently Nintendo's fun was spoiled by censors who said that they should at least show images from actual games instead of the stupid gunk that was shown previously. In the year 2099, all the DS's in history are to go up in nuclear explosions and eradicate the universe. But Mario used his time machine to prevent this... OR DID HE???

Contents 1 Inception 2 History 3 Mythology concerning the DS 4 Armaments and Features 5 Loyalty version 6 Some Popular Nintendo DS Titles 6.1 And don't forget to buy the even more popular: 7 See Also 8 References

[edit] Inception

It's inception was sparked, after a Christmas piss-up in a neighboring Tokyo state, Nintendo DS developers threw their hobo suits at Sony PSP Developers' Porsche 911 Turbo's, which ended up in a bar bet; Sony betting lots of dollars that the PSP would kick arse and the Nintendo DS developers raising one recently crushed rat and Ayumi Hamasaki's left testicle.

After much deliberation, the Nintendo DS was revealed and it had the PSP on it's knees. Unfortunately, this PSP was the Plumbing & Sanitation People, masses of over 500,000 Nintendo DS's blocking the drains of tax-paying PSP owners caused giant sewer rats to form due to the abundance of Ryvita crackers which comprised the DS's outer shell.

[edit] History

Previously known as the Nintendo BS, the Nintendo DS is a watered down version of the previous model to avoid harmful effects from the Nintendo BS. When Sony showed their PSP at the E3-show in Brussel's Sprouts, Nintendo began production immediately. Some scientists say the second screen already existed in 1995 but Nintendo didn't know what to do with it (See: Virtual Boy). Although this is not very likely, in a recent poll 20% say they believe the second screen already existed.

Of course, the DS didn't come along without controversy. First of all, the assholes at Nintendo still didn't figure out how to put nice 3D polygons in their shitty handhelds and were shunned by their fans until they announced that they were going to make yet another insanely crappy animal-molesting Pokémon game (now, you can dual-wield dildos!). There was also the famous lawsuit Kurt Cobain pressed against the DS with the charges of using the initials for his fatal killing move, "Dick-Slicer", for their third-rate box-o-crap.

[edit] Mythology concerning the DS

“It is said in ancient texts that in the year 2005 a device so evil, so corrupted and grotesque will be released onto earth by man. This device is known as the Nintendo DS (Devil's System). This device will tempt mankind into retardation on a magnitude so high it is impossible to fit the digits in this quote. Only when the coming of the Lord in the Rapture will man be unchained by this unholy beast.”

~ Historian on The Nintendo DS

As stated in the above quote the legend is beginning to come true. More factories are being built. More children are being fed to the demonic japanese workers within the factories. And more Nintendo DSs are being produced.F

[edit] Armaments and Features

The DS contains two screens, for extra vision capabilities and defense purposes: in case of any damage to one screen (which is obviously because of the owner), the other can act as the pilot.

Its clamshell case is made of Nintendium Alloy, a low-density plastic compound that is impervious to most damage, and an AT (Absolute Triforce) Field generated from the GBA cartridge inside. This field uses the soul of the GBA to protect the DS from damage that would destroy a normal handheld, like the negative energy wave produced upon the 2005 launch of the Xbox 360 (see Xbox 360 launch. It also holds a hidden stylus which is both laser cannon and plasma projecting blade , a thumbstrap tether for detaining enemy handhelds and power cartridge based energy shield.

Its most powerful weapon is a line-up of good games. You know, the things that most handhelds were made for? Almost every DS G.A.M.E (Goomba Assault Mario Engine) carries a subtitle with a "DS" naming scheme to differentiate the games from GBA (GayBoy Anal) titles (Which for most of its lifespan had the name "Anal", or "Advanced ass" tacked onto the games).

When the words "Magi-magi-magi-magikarp-majiro no henshin!" are uttered, the DS becomes a transforming vehicle, gives the user fantastic powers, delivers a high-velocity, high-RPM blowjob at a predefined target (which is good for detecting trannies in the nearby area), and causes severe mental retardation.

Hamas (creator of world autism) uses specialized DSs for their evil schemes (and getting their dicks sucked.)

The DS comes with software called Dictochat, which is commonly used to send drawings of penises to other DS owners via wireless networking.

[edit] Loyalty version

In 1990 Nintendo developed a loyalty version for a cost of $49 USD, which could regenerate itself into a Tesco ASDA bagged tub of farters acids neutral and fruity fruity frooo. to purchase this the retail had to be at least -32 weeks old, and it would only convert within 7 days with repayments required within 999 days and refunds valid from 190,000,242,434 days after purchase. This was not a tearaway success but it meant Fender had some more, as Molly Mankerton became involved in disspromoting the pride of Britain's product.

[edit] Some Popular Nintendo DS Titles

• Remake: The Remake of a Remade Remake
• Boring-ass Dog sim
• moles and bananas = toasted aardvarks
• Finalt Fantasy 7.204759249292910: The Rape of Aeris
• Super Mario 64 and Counting!
• Rayman:the quest to save his nan
• Final Fanta Orange:the lawsuit
• Learn to type with Osama bin Laden
• Learn to eat with Osama bin Laden
• Legend of zelda: link finnally gets laid
• Nintendoingstuffwithyureyesclosed
• the game Toture 2:with a fetus cannon
• NintenBottles of beer on the wall, NintenBottles of beer, you take one down piss it around, Nininebottles of beer on the wall
• Nintendick: Stroke harder! HARDER!
• Chav Killer DS
• Nintencats: Cougar and Friends
• Mario Farting
• Oglington Fartworthy: the quest to destroy
• Rectoid: Colon Mission
• Learn to strip with Osama bin Laden
• Wink Wink
• Nintencats: Flat-Headed-Cat-With-A-Button-Eye and Friends
• Incredujesus the Game
• Megajesus 3 the Final Hour
• Beef Supreme 3: Monster Truck Destuction of Everything
• Siphon Fylter Dark Raspberry Force 5
• Ding Dong DS
• Elite Butt Agents
• SINGELZZ: The Dating Game
• Make the Fat Man Jiggle
• King Kong DS
• Nintencats: Bobcat and friends
• EXPLODE!!!
• Learn to Masturbate with Osama Bin Laden
• Nintentoads
• Nintengrues (Unleash untold destruction on the human race!)
• Nintendrosoft
• iGame A new way to look and play with porn (compatible with your mum)
• The Final fantasy XXX
• How to stroke your pen*s - a game loved by Dr. Kawashima
• Animal Crossing: Pick Weeds and Do Other Dumb Chores That You Hate In Real Life (Now with shitty online mode!)
• Dr Kawashima's Brain Draining
• Mario Brothers: Luigi Is Pissing
• Advance Wars: George W. Bush edition
• Super Mario 2 DS (also compatible with GBA)
• New Old New Old New Old New Super Mario Bros.
• Sonic Thrush: YAY Metropolis Zone from Sonic 2!!
• Final Fantasy IXVIXIVVXIVXIIVXIVIXVIIVIIIIVXIXVI DS
• Potty Training with Osama Bin Laden
• Pokémon Blanco and Pokémon Negro
• Pokémon Mystery Dungeon - Cheap Port of a Shitty GBA Dungeon Crawler version
• Star Fox: This Game Has Sucky Non-Shooting Levels
• Billy Fartser and the giant butt DS
• Where Do Babies Come From? This one takes full use of the stylus!
• Castlevania:Better than Symphony of the Night
• Ikaruga: Difficult Shit
• Learn to grope with Osama bin Laden
• Katamari: Damned Sequels
• Pictoquest
• Nintengirls: Dong Strokers
• Jo-Jo's Bizarre Adventure: Dio's Steamroller
• Metroid Pinball Gimmick
• Trauma Center: This Game is Nothing Like Operation At All
• A rip-off of Pokemon mystery Dungeon but played by a hot Ninja chick
• Liberal Pirates of the Caribbean
• Super Donkey Kong Bros.
• Learn to terrorize with Osama bin Laden
• WWE Smackdown/RAW/Heat/Velocity/HeeHaw/Debate Club 3
• Pet the Pikachu With Your Stylus - Hard
• Zero Wing: All Your Translations Are Belong To Us
• Yoshi's Grope and Run
• Yoshi's grow your own cock - so you can have two! (unless you never had one) :)
• Super Mario Advanced 64 DS
• Dong Age: Raise Your Cock in Minutes a Day
• Tetris 2: This'll Ruin You're Life!
• Clubhouse gays - extra graphic version
• Children of Mama
• Mario Poops 3-on-3

[edit] And don't forget to buy the even more popular:

• Advance Whores: Dual Dyke
• Nanospray
• Mario and Luigi: Partners in Bed
• Mario Kart DS: Finding Opponents... ... ... ... ...
• Nintengirls: Sluts and Friends
• Nintengirls: Whores and Friends
• Nintengirls: Trannies and Friends
• Nintenpogs
• Nintenrection
• Nintenwogs
• 2-Dimensional Penis
• Harvest Moon: Animal Sex Uncut
• Rape Center:Under the Erection
• Nintengods Jesus is getting popular. Throw him a bone.
• Trauma Inventor: Terrorist Edition
• Game of Redundancy
• The Legend of Zelda: Crappy Wind Waker Sequel
• Megaman illegal network x:cyber anus
• Game of Redundancy
• Pokemon Ultra Super Joto League Stadium Snap Version
• Gim the Robot Pimp: Starring Gim and The SexyPower Women
• The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Menace
• Game of Redundancy
• Pokemon Damn Diamond and Purvert Pearl (NOW ON PSP)
• Phoenix Tight: Anus Poker
• Game of Redundancy
• Survive Dick Cheney
• Jack Thompson: Deuce Attorney
• Metroid Grime: Cunters
• A DS game for Pikmin
• New Super Mario Toss
• Old Super Mario Bros (Classic NES Series)
• Super Pieter Jan Bros, AKA Super peanutbutterBros
• "New" Super Mario Bros: Exactly the Same As The Old Version Except Dumber and Way Easier
• Fuck A Goat: DS
• Ex-Men: Escape from Benny
• The Legend Of Zelda: The Lampshade of No Real Significance
• WarioAware: Butch!
• President Evil: Bush
• "It Prints Money!": The Game
• "Torture Squad: Relish the Pain!
• Asslevania:Dawn of Condoms
• Asslevaniä:Vibrator of Ruin

• Brian Peppers DS: Touching is Good!
• Beautiful Jones (a platform adventure with a gay protagonist)
• Pokemon Shine On You Crazy Diamond (A special edition, with a new Pokemon: fuckin' Roger Waters!)
• 42 toally naked whores
• Phoenix Wrong - Justice for Nobody
• WWE Smackup: Roid Rage DS
• Borat:Make Sexytime With My Sister!
• Borat 2: Make Sexytime With My Mother!
• Camelot!: It's only a model
• Jak and the Power of Jewjew!
• Jak2: Staff of Dreams!
• Jak:the Gay Jewjew Challenge!
• Where is my Nintendo DS?
• I Found my Nintendo DS: It Was In the Dump
• Cabela's Nintendog Hunts
• !!! Don't forget Worms: Open V

* Dr. Nagatukonikosukinokodikala's Spleen Training

• The L Word DS Version*
• Bioshock Party DS
• Pokémon 3D Rape Quest
• Gays Unite!!!
• The Camera (Take Pics Of Yourself And theyll look different than you expeted to be youll look gay :D)
• House (play with gay dolls :D)
• ChinTraining: Train your chin in minutes a day!
• DSLesson 1: How to act like Paris Hilton
• DSLesson 2: How to fail at every test/beat your mother (2in1!)
• DSLesson 3: How to kill Sony fanboys
• DSLesson 4: With sudoku (This is actually another sudoku game)
• Halo DS
• Super No-one is Actually Reading This Shit so Everyone Type What They Want 2-X7
• Halo DS 2
• Lord Of The G-Strings DS Version *

Nintendo is planning to make a lot of deadly and disgusting games in future, so don't you throw your DS on the floor five times and hammer it with a bat. I did. And feel very good about it. The DS exploded and left a series of plastic pieces and scars in my face (Zao’s disfigured face in Die Another Day was as a result of this). Not to mention how sharp the dual screens are.

[edit] See Also

• Dictochat
• SEXBOX THREESEXTY
• GayStation 3some
• Sheepeh
• Rejected Nintendo Titles
• Clever name that mocks the PSP and just redirects to the page Shit Portable
• Revolutiontendo DS
• Untendo
• Nintendo WWII;
• Nintendo DS Lite

Image:Sundance-nintendo-ds-2.jpg

[edit] References

• Nintendo Powah
• The Internet
• The Video Game Weaponry Guide Ver.3, Vol.7

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