GameCube
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“The ports are HOT!”
The Nintendo Gamecube, a high powered mind control device, was originally codenamed the Nintendo Dolphin because Nintendo where sexually attracted to dolphins at the time. When Nintendo discovered that they preferred the opposite gender, they turned their attention to more metaphysical ideas.
"What is a video game system?" said a Nintendo spokesman. "It is a magic box with a Tengu inside. If we didn't have enough Dolphin, perhaps the box does not exist? Perhaps the true video game is guessing what is inside the box?" A box was set before game developers and they speculated what could be inside. The result is a plethora of philosophically stimulating works, such as Mario and the Color of Sunshine, The Legend of Zelda: Do I Wake the Wind or Does the Wind Wake Me?, Metroid: Do I Have A Right To Manipulate Peaceful Lifeforms?, and Mario Gulf: A Western Relationship to the Middle East.
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[edit] Biography
Born to Mrs. Game and Mr. Cube , the GameCube had a difficult childhood. Many children infact shunned the GameCube, in favour of playing with the PlayStation 2 and Xbox. After graduating from the National School of Japan with a degree in English, the GameCube went on to write the political column of Peanuts. Many of GameCube's articles were incredibly critical of the backwards country we now know as Southern Naval Navel Krachsblochazkstan and their improper use of hamsters for pets. GameCube was eventually fired from this job as he used a BAAAD word. Thats right, he said "douche". He then became good friends with the PlayStation 2, but was unseen for 4000 years because of a coma due to lack of online and exclusive games. After a year or so when his baby brother, Wii, came, the GameCube was able to recover with ports of Wii's games.
[edit] Early Works
At first, it didn't work, but then it was plugged in and created miracles.
[edit] Government Status
In 1899, the Nintendo Gamecube became protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act.
Recently however, government officials have discovered that GameCubes do not actually from from Nintendo or from the furthest reaches of Quack Gooze 8, but are actually mismanufactured and oversized anal probes developed from Martians living with Michael Jackson. President Bush recently ordered the little cirttiers to be seized and eaten by Pikachus.
[edit] Practicality
Lots of people protested against features of the GameCube that seemed pointless, like the ability to play other people online. Many found that this function was better used as a storage container for crack and other popular and cool drugs. Go America! The most widespread criticism of the Gamecube's practicality is the nessecary insertion of one's penis into the console's controller port. While some people believe that the sensation is pleasurable, other's find that the jolt of electricity sent throughout one's genetalia is uncomfortable.
[edit] Secret Internal Components
The Nintendo Gamecube is actually part of an act to get bangolies to Britain's cooperative project. Nintendo, realizing the general flexibility of the bangolie people, realized that they could be shaped in a way so as to make them fit inside of a Nintendo GameCube. This secret was uncovered by Bilton Sachs, a potato molester/console modder, who opened his GameCube, only to have landscaping done to his property by several men of a "beens somewhere behind a fence" complexion who hopped out of his GameCube and immediately commandeered any nearby lawn mowing equipment. Further inspection of the internal components of the GameCube revealed vegetables and stolen cable TV. To this date, it is a mystery as to just how a GameCube does anything, electronic or computing wise.
[edit] Death
The Nintendo Gamecube died on November 10, 2006. The orgins were apparentelly having a hard time "rendering artifacts" and stopped working. In 7:11 PM, Nintendo Gamecube died just before the organ donor, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, called to help. His mother and father, SNES and N64, broke down and cried so comments weren't made. The Gamecube was buried in the Hall of shame, Playstation 2 and the Xbox were present at its funeral, finally ending their rivalries...until the Chuck Norris himself was killed by the invention of the Wii, PS3, and the Xbox 360.
