Nipple clamps
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Nipple clamps | |
|---|---|
| |
| Kingdom | Atlantis |
| Phylum | Nipplephylia |
| Class | Rogue |
| Order | Restraining order |
| Family | Shell Life |
| Genus | Nipplus Clampus |
| Species | Piglatinus |
| Binomial Name | Nipplus Clampus Piglatinus |
| Primary Armament | Three rows of footlong fangs |
| Secondary Armament | A sticky tongue |
| Power Supply | Sheer Libido |
| HP: | 90 |
| Mana Points: | 10 |
| Strength: | -2 |
| Intelligence: | 300 |
| Weight | 2 Lb. |
| Length | 20 cm+ 50 cm(Fangs) |
| Special Attack | Why don't you find that out yourself, baby? ;) |
| Conservation Status | Kill On Sight |
Nipple clamps are a species of sea mollusk, who live in the Atlantean Ocean.They are about 20 centimetres long and live underwater near beaches and boulevards, where they prey on unsuspecting big-boxomed young women. The nipple clamp does not appear threatening, making the creature all the more dangerous.
Contents |
[edit] Appearance
Nipple clamps look very much like nipple clams, only they have a chain running between them. Remember that pornographic episode of The Flintstones where Betty Rubble had on nothing but two pasties that looked like clams? Those are nipple clams. Wait -- a pornographic episode of The Flintstones? That seems unlikely. Perhaps I have suffered some kind of head injury. Carry on.
[edit] Behaviour
If you watch a nipple clamp very closely, you will eventually feel compelled to pick it up and clamp it on your nipple. It is thought these items are psychic or perhaps psychotic. Or both.
[edit] Habitat
Under the sea. Under the sea. Down in the depths, with raw sewage, a singing crab and that annoying mermaid that keeps showing up in cartoons even though Hans Christian Anderson ripped her tongue out for poor ticket sales.
[edit] Research
A career in nipple clamp research inevitably leads to alcoholism, sadomasochism, and genital piercing. You have been warned, but you won't listen. You never do.
