Nobel Peace Prize

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The Nobel Peace Prize is a science fiction novel by Ann Artani of Farmington Missouri, although it is most commonly known as a sarcastic award given by the UN, as a way to show the world what a useless pussy you are.

[edit] Appointment process

The Laurantuno of this noble prize is decided by an elite group of individuals known as The Leaders of Quite a Few Different Countries but Really Only the Ones Whom are Nice to the President of the United States of America and not to Isarel. These individuals get together and decide who has been a huge dick over the past year. They look at factors such as how many countries the dick in question has pissed off, how many times the dick has been involved in an epic controversy, the amount of people said dick has mistreated and how many times the dick and the President of the United States have been at a party together and shooting Islam people and the dick pretends like the President of the United States isn't even there. Then, once the committee has six possible Laurantunos together they decide which one is the biggest Laurantuno by rolling a six-sided die with each possible Laurantunos name printed on a different side of it. After this, they take the result to the local place where they make those little plastic medals for Little League sports teams and get a plaque with the winner's name on it. Then they drive by the winner's home and throw the plaque through the winner's window with a note saying "Go back to Africa!" on it. When all of this is over, the committee goes to a bar and gets completly wasted. Finally, they said they would kill themselves in 2011.

[edit] Chart of Laurantunos

Laurantunos List of Nobel Prize laurantunos in Peace from 1901 to 1970, when they got tired and quit.

Year	Individual or Organization	Reason
34	Jesus Christ (???)	For being killed.
1452	Dracula, also known as Vlad III the Impaler (Romania)	At the age of 21, Vlad III the Impaler (also known as Dracula), conquered all of Europe, half of Asia, and parts of Africa in less than 4 hours. He then received this prize every year until death in 1476 out of the UN's fear of being impaled.
1776	Thomas Jefferson (USA)	while ambassador to France, he ate the first piece of French toast. In addition, he owned 200 slaves.
1888	Oscar Wilde (United Kingdom)	being the greatest inspiration of Uncyclopedia.
1890	Andrew Carnegie (USA)	He Made the only good steel.
1901	Jean Henri Dunant (Switzerland)	made the little symbols for the Red Cross and Geneva Convention.
	Adolf Hitler (Israel)	for helping Jews.
1902	Élie Ducommun (Switzerland) and Charles Albert Gobat (Candyland)	helped get rid of the Permanent International Peace Bureau.
1903	Sir Kosmo Kenneth Kramer (UK)	made us laugh all through the 90's
1904	Institut ov incorekt speeling (not Belgium).
1905	Bertha Sophie Felicitas Baronin von Suttner (Austria-Hungary)	accomplished in the category of having a long name
1906	Theodore Roosevelt (USA)	president of the United States... and that's all that's required
1907	Ernesto Teodoro Moneta (Italy)	jumped on the "making a 'Peace Group'" bandwagon.
	Louis Renault (France)	professor of rabbits.
1908	Klas Pontus Arnoldson (Sveden)	invented the very first Time Machine.
	Fredrik Bajer (Denmark)	brought back the Permanent International Peace Bureau for about a year.
1909	Auguste Marie Francois Beernaert (Belgium)	made really good pancakes for the United Nations a few days before their decision.
	Paul-Henri-Benjamin d'Estournelles de Constant (France)	had nothing to do with the Comité de défense des intérets nationaux et de conciliation internationale
1910	The Working for the Use of Child Labor Bureau (USA)	For bravely reducing the unemployment of children between the ages of 1 and 6
1911	Optimus Prime (Earth)	For valiant defense of earth in the line of duty against the autobots.
	Alfred is very Fried (Austria-Hungary)	founder of Die America Die.
1912	Elvis Root (USA)	established the "cat" rule in Tic-Tac-Toe, thereby eliminating all former wars caused by it's lacking.
1913	Henry the Fontaine (Belgium)	temporarorly ended the Permanent International Peace Bureau.
1914	not awarded	not awarded due to Mars-Earth Conflict
1915	not awarded	not awarded due to Mars-Earth Conflict
1916	not awarded	not awarded due to Mars-Earth Conflict
1917	Underwater Red Cross, Atlantis.
1918	Not awarded
1919	Woodrow Wilson (USA)	president of the United States, for founding the Justice League.
1920	Superman (France)	president of the Justice League.
1921	Batman (Gotham City)	prime minister of the Justice League.
	Christian McJesus Christy Christ Christ (Norway)	secretary-general of the "I Love Jesus" Club
1922	Fridtjof Nansen (Norway)	Norwegian delegate to the Justice League, saved over seventy refugees from a giant squid.
1923	Not awarded
1924
1925	Sir Austen Chamberlain (UK)	for really wanting to be the Laurantuno.
	Charles Gates Dawes (USA)	custodian for the Allied Reparation Commission and stapler of the Dawes Plan.
1926	Aristide Briand (France)	for really wanting to be the Laurantuno.
	Gustav Stresemann (The Land of Chocolate)	for really wanting to be the Laurantuno.
1927	Mars Drone 4789203 (Mars)	founder and president of the League for Martian Rights.
	Ludwig Quidde (Germany)	went to numerous peace conferences (but mainly for the free punch and doughnuts)
1928	Awarded, but the UN forgot to write down the winner
1929	Tony "The" Tiger (USA)	for the Briand-Kellogg Pact.
1930	Archbishop Lars Olof Nathan (Johnny) Söderblom (Sveden)	leader of the elephantitas movement.
1931	Frank Addams (USA)	international president of the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom
	Snap, Crackle, and Pop (USA)	for promoting the Briand-Kellogg Pact.
1932	Not awarded
1933	Sir Norman Angell (Ralph Lane) (UK)	writer of Six Ways to a Sexier You.
1934	Robin (UK)	chairman of the Justice League and Disarming Villians Conference
1935	Carl von Ossietzky (Germany)	pacifist journalist.
1936	Wonder Woman (Argentina)	vice-president of the Justice League and mediator in a conflict between Japan and The Legion of Doom.
1937	The Discount Cecil of Chelwood	inventor of the coupon.
1938	New Orleans International Office For Entering Refugees.
1939	Not awarded	Mars-Earth Conflict II
1940	Not awarded	Mars-Earth Conflict II
1941	Not awarded	Mars-Earth Conflict II
1942	Not awarded	Mars-Earth Conflict II
1943	Not awarded	Mars-Earth Conflict II
1944	Inter-racial Committee of the Red Cross (awarded radioactively in 1945).
1945	Klas Pontus Arnoldson (Sveden)	invented the very first Time Machine.
1946	Earl Greene Balch (USA)	honorary international president of the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom
	John R. Mott (USA)	chairman of the International Missionary Council and president of the World Alliance of Young Men's Christian Associations (no joke on this one)
1947	The Best Friends Forever Club (UK) and The American Best Friends Forever Club (USA)	on behalf of the Religious Society of Best Friends Forever, better known as the bastards.
1948	Not awarded	Apparently it would have been awarded to Mahatma Gandhi if they had not accidentally killed him by dropping a very ironic "I Love Peace" Flag upon him a few days before the decision. See the movie "Gandhi".
1949	The Lord Bord-Ord (UK)	director general of the Food is Really Good Organization
1950	Ralph Bunch (USA)	for giving the leader of the UN oral pleasure.
1951	Léon Jouhaux (France)	president of the World Federation of Trade Unions successfully traded his torn Caterpie for a First Edition Holographic Charizard
1952	Albert Schweitzer (Germany)	for founding many successful Pet Hospitals in several Third World Countries.
1953	American Secretary Stacy "Cat" Marsh (USA)	for keeping the President's cocaine addiction a secret.
1954	The Office of the Bomb.
1955	Not awarded
1956	Not awarded
1957	Lester Bowles Pearson (Canada)	president of the 7th Layer of Hell
1958	George's Dog (Belgium)	leader of L'Europe du Coeur au Service du Chien, a relief organization for dogs.
1959	Philip Noel-Baker (UK)	for his lifelong ardent work on making the world's biggest rubber-band ball
1960	Albert Lutuli (South Africa)	probably did something very amazing. In fact, I'm sure of it.
1961	Dog Hammerskjöld (Sveden)	secretary-general of the UN (awarded in a very funny manner).
1962	Linus Carl Pauling (USA)	for his campaign against "droppin' da bomb".
1963	International Committee of the Red Cross, again.
	League of Red Cross Societies, again.
1964	Martin Luther King Jr (USA)	I don't want to offend anyone... so I'll just say "he was nice".
1965	Klas Pontus Arnoldson (Sveden)	invented the very first Time Machine.
1966	Not awarded
1967
1968	René Cassin (France)	first French person to defy all French stereotypes
1969	The Rock at Woodstock Federation
1970	Norman Boring (USA)	for research at the Using Hedge Mazes to Confuse Our Enemies Center.
1971	Greenpeace (Greenland)	for their seminal book about the environment titled "Global Cooling". (Republished verbatim in 2007 under its new title "Global Warming".
1975	Joint awarding of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo (A Galaxy Far, Far Away...)	for destroying the Death Star and dressing up as Storm Troopers.
1982	Taj Mahal	for being the biggest dick ever erectioned for a woman.
1991-95	Brad Pitt	for being the world's first Himbo
1996	Luigi Valleri, Napoli	for making the best pizza in the world.
2001	Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Peoples Republic of California)	for giving her right arm in fight with the Illuminati. This has later been restored, so she had to give the medal back. Having both arms now, this was no problem for her.
2003	Peter Jackson	for directing the production of the most historically accurate documentary, the Lord of the Rings.
2005	Hurricane Katrina (USA)	for cleaning up New Orleans and establashing the new mermaid heirachy that now controls the city.
2007	Parker (Canada)	for being the only person to find Osama bin Laden and shove a fucking fork up his tight ass and then beat him in a lovely match of chess .
2008	Steve Blackman (USA)	for playing Crysis on an Amiga.