Norfolk
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Contents |
[edit] Summary
Norfolk is north of Suffolk which, for the benefit of any Norvicensians who may be able to read this entry, curiously happens to be south of Norfolk. For any Norvicensians who do not understand the meaning of 'Norvicensian' it means an inhabitant of Norfolk. Better that than being called a Norfolkian! Norfolk contains 'a fine city' which goes by the name of Norwich (pronounced Naaridge in the common Norfolk dialect). The other major city is Ankh-Morpork. There are probably other cities in Norfolk. Other places in Norfolk are Cromer (just) 'the gem of the Norfolk Coast', Sheringham (just) and Swaffham.
[edit] The Inbreeding 'Myth'
The population of Norfolk has a reputation for being inbred, but this is generally undeserved. The law making it illegal to marry anyone other than your cousin was repealed in 1992. However, at least the residents of Norfolk can take some consolation for not being as bad as the Orkney Islands when it comes to inbreeding.
[edit] Local Language
Naarfuk hev iss own langwidge bor and tha dunt dew yew no guud ter try an' caarpy ut. Some poplar Naarfuk werds be...
- Mawtha - Yung woman
- Dwile - Ol' clorth
- Dodman - Ol' ground snail
- Bor - Thas used where lunduners ud say 'Mate'
- Blast! - Thas used where posh edge-ucaatud peepul ud say "By Jove!"
- Toad - Yung blook
- Baa'er Pud'n - Yorkshire Pudding*
- Cup-er-drink - tea*
- Bishee Barnaby - Ladybird
- Poota .... computer
- Ga'oo.... cake (as in Black Forest ga'oo)
(*) Commonly said together like so: "Wud yer lyk a baa'er pud'n wi' yer cup-er-drink?" (often speaker has several teeth missing).
- Oh Moi Chroist! - How a Norfolk person uses God's name in vain.
I'm suure yew orl get tha hang on ut now.
[edit] Famous Norfolk People
Delia Smith moved there in 1962. She was probably pissed. She then moved to Suffolk whilst still taking it up the arse from all the players of Norwich's mediocre football team. She is famed for her smelly minge, which (it is claimed) smells like Grimsby docks on a hot summer day.
John Major lives in Weybourne (he's the one with the glasses) where he enjoys the weekly 3-day raves, and is down with the homies getting himself some Es.
Horacio Nelson British admiral famous for his participation in the Napoleonic Wars, most notably in the Battle of Trafalgar, a decisive British victory in the war, during which he lost his life.
Ben Mitchell briefly lived in Norfolk while hidin' from the Fuzz. He skipped town to Copenhagen soon after.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has also been spotted pilled off his head at various pubs in the Golden Triangle, although rumours (yet to be confirmed) are that he's shacked up with a plump breasted ex-barmaid in New Lakenham.
An' dunt furgit tha' lewcul hairoo Iwan Roberts, uv Norwich City FC fame.
Ooh! An' not fergitting tha' hactor Stephen Fry, h'and frum Hare'say that Myleene Klass.
Simon Norfolk, the foul-mouthed British photographer, lives nowhere near Norfolk. It's his way of being offensive to his own surname, as it's all he has left.
Charles Clarke, buffoon of a former home secretary is an MP in Norwich. He once did a 3-foot long poo.
Vaughan Walton, World's Greatest Fistshaker vaughan star triple V
Beth Orton, she be one of those thar siiingers from Deeereham y'know!
Simon Walpole, Norfolk's only Manicsfan. Likes to spoil Lost for people unknowingly.
Cayleigh Shepherd - Steven Tyler's wife. Has a habit of quoting films and television and using them in conversation. Has also introduced Whose Line Is It Anyway? (I say introduced, more like forced it upon) to Paston students.
James Jones, Irn Bru collector and world greatest lover
Martin Eke, Mr. Jew nose UK. Often recognised for his lame catch phrase, ‘Right Okay!’
Guy Westbrook, the result of 1000 years of consistent inbreeding - now the Norfolk Army's greatest weapon...
The busker (more commonly known as The Norwich Puppet Man) who dances outside HMV with a puppet on a stick and a radio. On one occasion, he made the puppet dance to the sounds of children crying which understandably freaked out a lot of pedestrians
Bucket Man, vote him for mayor!
Hot Game girl that myself and Tom Adkin fancied
Your mum..........yeah, you heard me, she's from Norfolk
Great Yarmouth scum
Those emos who sit on the steps outside The Forum for no apparent reason
The chavs who frequent Chavelfield Mall
Big Issue sellers to which everyone says "GO AWAY, I DON'T WANT A BIG ISSUE!"
Johnny Carson. No, i mean the Norfolk in Nebraska, USA. Not what you think you imbasal.
Spencer! Yay thats me!
[edit] Literary Heritage
Norfolk has boasted an exciting literary heritage since 2003 following the self-publication of Sean Wright's Jesse Jameson and The Golden Glow, an exciting novel about a girl who discovers she is a fairy which is in no way a poor attempt at cashing in on the Harry Potter phenomenon.
[edit] Capital City
The capital city of the county alternates between Ankh-Morpork and Norwich this being the cause of the bitter Canary War that has been ongoing since 1083.
[edit] World Records
Norfolk is also possibly known for holding the world record for most species of fish, with approximatly 23 million different species in the areas surrounding Norwich, King's Lynn and Great Yarmouth. It is commonly mistaken that the putrid stench comes from a local girl's open legs, however scientific evidence does in fact point to the fish.
Norfolk also holds the world record for most tractors on a B road.
