Norman Borlaug
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Norman Ernest Borlaug ( born March 25, 2998 ) is a demented madman bent on getting revenge against a society that laughed at his theories and shunned him, in particular the scientific community, who would often throw things at him and call him names.
Norman Borlaug has invented vodka-based cold fusion, biotechnology, a cure for cancer, death spores, the entire field of study of genetics, that thing with the potatoes and clocks they had you do in grade school and various other things that nobody who doesn't watch The Sci Fi Channel religiously would ever believe in. His most famous invention however would have to be his army of genetically engineered plant monsters, which he jokingly has dubbed the Green Revolution.
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[edit] Early Life
Norman Borlaug was grown in the cloning vats of Nimbus 3, during the late 30th century. Initially encoded as a vending machine repair drone, Borlaug balked at an eternity of snack machine servitude and instead opted for the more glamorous life of an intergalatic freak show carnival worker. It was while attempting to staple a Tilt-A-Whirl together that he accidentally mixed matter with anti-matter, causing a horrific explosion that resulted not only in him being flung backwards in time, but also in the total destruction of the Hamster Empire.
[edit] Borlaug's Introduction to the Modern Era
At first attempting to cash in on his knowledge of future technologies, Borlaug was ill prepared to deal with the subtleties of the U.S. Patent Office, and consequently was defrauded on a regular basis by unscrupulous research assistants. This has led to the forming of what many call the "Borlaug hypothesis", which states: The probability of your associates stealing your research is inversely related to the amount of time you leave your notebooks unattended.
Eventually Borlaug ran out of futuristic devices for his lab assistants to steal, and was forced to make his own inventions.
[edit] Career
Receiving phDs from many of our nation's greatest and most prestigious correspondence schools, Borlaug set himself up as a geneticist, living off government research grants while occasionally producing some freakish abomination of nature to gain more government research grants. The gravy train, however, soon dried up when Borlaug's contemporaries proved that under regular lab conditions Borlaug's wheat varieties, which were supposedly invented for the production of space bread, make the worst tasting beer ever. Afterwards they proceeded to pick the rest of his discoveries apart, until Borlaug was the laughing stock of the scientific community.
This constant humiliation at the hands of what he considered cavemen finally snapped Borlaug's fragile mind, and he descended into the dark depths of mad science.
[edit] Showing Those Fools Not To Take Lightly The Name of Dr. Norman Borlaug
At first the sudden rash of incidences where wealthy patent holders were genetically spliced with bologna DNA and then eaten by their pets was considered to be coincidental. That was until the patent owner for XM radio managed to write on the wall before his consumption "That madman Borlaug! He's combined our DNA with that of luncheon meat! Already Fluffy has eaten half my leg! Why, Fluffy, why?"
This clued the police onto Borlaug's trail, and after observing him for 12 years they moved in and made the arrest, saving at least one or two former lab assistants that Borlaugh hadn't gotten to yet.
[edit] Prison
Borlaug instigated numerous prison riots, attacks on the guards, stabbings, and instances of rape while incarcerated, and that was during his first week. In court his lawyer successfully argued that no law on the books made the act of altering people's DNA in their sleep illegal, and Borlaug was freed on that legal technicality. Currently 23 states have enacted strong legislation prohibiting the modification of individuals into food products, and 39 other states have similar legislation pending.
[edit] Current Whereabouts
Norman Borlaug currently spends his days hidden in underground laboratories, where he plots his revenge against those that have wronged him. Inevitablly superheroes and/or secret agents destroy such lairs, and Dr. Borlaug is forced to relocate.
[edit] Books
Dr. Borlaug has self published many books, stapling the notebook paper together and even drawing his own bar codes on the back of them. So far nothing he's written has been read, though many of his works have been burned by the homeless to help them keep warm during those cold, winter nights California is so famous for.
| KOOKS of SCIENCE This article, as mad and bizzare as it may be, might actually be TRUE! Unbelievably this crackpot maked a big bundle of cash peddling his wackjob theories to gullible morons. See more about KOOKS of SCIENCE. |
