Northern Territory
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The Northern Territory, as its name might suggest is the most Southern Territory in Australia, the title of the most "Northern" Territory in fact belongs to Tasmania. Native Inhabitants of the Northern Territory are known as Bogans Alcoholics Territorians. It is currently ruled over by King Terry Mills. The N.T. is sparsely populated as most of it is A Shithole bushland & desert. The captital of the NT is Darwin, a large metropolitan centre much like New York or London. Despite it's importance to Australia as a whole the NTs prestigious Australian records go largely ignored, such as:
- Highest alcohol consumption per capita in Australia
- Highest beer consumption per capita in the World with 230 litres/year
- Most road deaths per 10000 people in Australia
- Highest Iced Coffee consumption per capita in the World
[edit] Bogans Territorians
Territorians are a unique breed of Australian as they are pissed almost 24 hours a day. The massive alcohol consumption can be attributed to the Territories high salaries and the populations penchant for fine wines including the regions famous goon. The most common occupation in the Northern Territory is Dole bludger. Being a Dole Bludger largely consists of sitting on your arse all day and only move to collect your fortnightly centrelink payment that will keep you pissed for the next two weeks. Dole Bludgers should never be confused with their counterparts the Public Servants who do not have to get off their ass to be paid and who largely congregate in the small outback community of Canberra.
Commonly forgotten by the rest of Australia, many Territorians spend their time harbouring nasty feeling towards the rest of Australia. Territorians vary from New South Welshmen and Mexicans as they aren't poofy nancy boys. Likewise, they also differ from Tasmanians
Unknown to those people called southerners who are positioned so 'conveniently' south of the NT, NT warriors actually retaliated against Japan after they bombed Darwin in 1942. It was a very complicated mission, which involved flying a plane into Japan's oyster harbour (oyster's being Japan's primary food source at the time). However, because of a Territorian's incapability of building a plane to fly to Japan, the Darwinites instead incorporated their great drinking capabilities into the plan. Soon, 2000 Territorians were rowing to Japan, in boats built out of beer cans. When arriving at the oyster farm situated about 10km outside of Tokyo, the Darwinites threw NT native Frilled Neck Lizards into the water. It was well known throughout the Territory that the lizard's pray on oysters. Soon, all of Japan's oysters were depleted, and ran out of food for about a week before they discovered a new food source known as 'rice', another crazy asian invention.
The bravery of these true blue Territorians is now commemorated every year in Darwin at Mindil Beach,at a celebration known as the Beer Can Regatta. Much drinking is required to construct the incredible sea-craft - more so than any other week of the year anyway. This ensures that the local NT population remains true to their ancestors. Although many tourists to Darwin tease this Regatta race calling it stupid, idiotic, etc..., they do not realise that we are actually remembering the brave people of Darwin who killed off those bloody oysters. Lest We Forget.
The most important voluntary organisation in the Northern Territory is the Darwin branch of Alcoholics Unanimous. If you don't feel like drinking you can give them a call and one of them will come round an talk you into going to the pub.
[edit] The Shithole The Alice
Belive it or not the N.T. actually has a town named after some drunk bastsrd's daughter or some shit like that. Alice Springs is called Alice Springs because nobody remebers why. It had something to do with a broken finger and some slurry called Alice and a giant stuffed easter bunny called "Snugglebunny" and his identical twin Barney the Dinosaur and their cousin Tinkie Winkie the Gay Teletubby. No-one really remembers what happened because everyone was so smashed so it is referred to as the "Ashlee just smashed my chair lol wtf" incident.
Alice Springs has a river bed that once was home to Nessie the Loch Ness Monster, but then the river dired up and Nessie died and someone chucked her on the barbie and ate her for a Sunday lunch.
Alice Springs main source of income is tourism. They tase good with a side of loch ness monster. Alice Springs holds the record for the most spitting of milk out of a tear-duct in the world. Or, at least, that's what my Science teacher told me. The Alice, otherwise known as "The Hole" and "The town near the Rock".
