Norway/facts

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Main article: Norway

[edit] Fast facts

Norway's real name is Noreg. However, when Russia became allies with aliens, they seized Noreg and changed the name to Norway because they found that easier to say while bashing Capitalism. Silly Russians, Trix are for kids!
"Noreg" is the true and original spelling of "Norge". Unfortunately, only about 20% of the Norwegian population have the brains to understand this.
Population: Five billion moose, 4.7 million legal humans, 410,000 Bajorans, 256,000 Ferengi (in the northwestern provinces), 55 million sheep, fifteen billion illegal immigrants and some of the mysterious people Samene. There are also some black metal people here, but whether they should actually be counted as Norwegian citizens is often discussed, as many of these black metal people claim they live in the "underground". (As the sect leader Kjell Magne Bondevik once said, "I don't know that black metal people should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under me.") More to come at 6:00.
Capital: Oslo. Name originates from the Russian word "Осло", or "City of Donkeys" / "Eselbyen".
Official Currency: Record albums from DDE and Sputnik (both black metal bands). 1 DDE equals 100 Sputnik. 1 Sputnik equals about £15, or the price of a cup of coffee.
Alternative currency: Kroner (Crowns), but the King has the only crown available. Counterfeit crowns are common to sell to new tourists, especially from the United Kingdom.
Common currency: Most trades are done with sheep, whales, lutefisk, smalahåve or Viking helmets with horns.
Economy: "Pretty darn well, like a well oiled machine". The government is one of the wealthiest in the world thanks to astronomical taxes (115% Federal Tax, 60% Anything Tax). Norwegians monthly salaries are equivalent to Bill Gates' fortune, but because of the tax, which is 99%, and that everything costs several times more than any other country, the average Norwegian has less money to spend than an asian child labourer or a chilean citizen. The Norwegians are not really filthy rich, as money laundering is so popular that the money cannot be anything but clean. Besides, it is popular to help friends and aquaintances with odd things, so that directors of water cleaning facilities can get cheap bargains on farms in Africa.
Government: An unique combination termed a Federated Satanistic Socialist Monarch Empire.
Prime Minister: Jens Stoltenberg, after violently deposing Kjell Magne Bondevik in a bloody coup with a baseball bat. However, the Norwegian people are in reality ruled by Jonas Gahr Støre due to the fact that he is the only Norwegian to appear on CNN's History of the Known Universe.
Minister of propaganda: Inge Vargskjegg
Political parties: Norwegen Reich Kommunismus (NRK) (99,999..% support), Libertarians (2 members) NFPP
Farmer population: All Norwegian teenagers suffer from farmerlife
Lion population: Two, sitting in front of the national Parliament very still.
Tiger population: One, in front of Østbanehallen, and some in the Zoo in Kristiansand (not seen after they found the pin code for the lock)
Badger Population: Seven and a half. Each are high-ranking Generals of the Nordic Viking/Pirate Army.
Giraffe population: Quite a few, living in Kristiansand Zoo, or so they would like us to believe.
Owl population: Over 11 owls are stationed throughout the country on hidden places that will only unlock if you have enough Experience Points (minimum 107 XP). If you are so lucky as to meet one, do not expose your shaved heads, as this is the worst enemy of a Norwegian owl. Due to the same reason mullahs with turbans are better friends of the norwegian owls.
Eagle population: Unknown. The eagle's population growth is so high it is imposible to keep track. They are currently developing their own political party named The Caw.
Metal Population: About 576780,53. These walk around in the society and burn down churches, screaming scary stuff to each other and painting themselves in the face with white and black stuff they find. They feed on blood and old ladies, and usually own a guitar, a bass guitar or drums. They all dress in black and all have long hair. If you ask them nicely, they will do your dishes and take out your trash.
Number of Kick Ass Boat Rides Featuring Norway at EPCOT Center: Four. Two are hidden and can only be accessed via a Castmember-Only Monorail that runs beneath the park. While you are there, be sure to read the map murals that prove that Norway discovered most of the known world back in 46 A.D.
Major Exports: Black Metal, Oily fish, web browsers (Opera), widget-toolkits (Qt), cold weather fronts, whales, heavy water to terrorist-countries, popsicles and a cookie and Kitten plants.
National Food: "Grandiosa", a brand circular cardboard smeared with reindeer testicle paste, disguised to look like pizza, and "Lutefisk". otherwise the Norwegians only eat fish (in whatever peculiar form it even may be).
National Drink: Potato moonshine Karsk Mead (Mjød) on the rocks (rocks may be substituted with stones). and fish...
National Song: "Ut mot havet" by Rune Rudberg
National Cheese: Brown cheese, a sweet mixture of goat cheese and curds. Fishcheese...
National Bird: Scandinavian Black-bellied Dipper (Cinclus cinclus), locally known as Fossekallen. Even though Norway have the White-tailed eagle, which makes the Bold Eagle look like a dwarf colibri, Kjell Magne Bondevik, after a big dispute with George W. Bush and his ego, decided that we needed a smaller bird not to embarrass USA. Since Norway don't have any colibris, they took the most unknown bird they could dig up, and because, after its death they sold the Norwegian Blue to Monty Python so they could complete the "Dead Parrot" sketch.
National Sport: Skiskyting (Norwegian Drive By Shooting). This sport is commonly used all over Norway, because it's very simple. You just take a rifle and then you begin to shoot other strangers. Killing is not illegal, but you score less points doing that. Making the person disabled is the best you can do in this sport. Therefore it's many disabled people in Norway.
Weather: Always the opposite of what's needed, usually snow. Temperatures have been known to rise above −13 °C, catching a lot of Norwegian off-guard and making them run around naked in the streets cheering. The only exception is Bergen, with 398 rain days per year. Also nobody ever gets wet as all the inhabitants of the city are inside playing DDE records.
Television: is ruled by one man, and one man alone: Jon Almaas.
Religion: Gurkism (they still believe that The Gurk is the only God), Hermetic
Other Facts: The Norwegian Polar Bear Wrangler team has won each consecutive Polar Bear World Cup since 1542. This is due to the fact that the Norwegian team is the only team that qualifies, as a team must supply their own polar bears.
Trivia: If you happen to bump into a Norwegian, please keep in mind that he always knows more about your country than you do; that his average income, level of education, and social status will be higher than yours; and that he will consider his English to be far superior to yours, especially if you're a native speaker of English. By all means avoid double negatives, as every Norwegian will confuse language with math and tell you that a double negative ain't no fun. And if you're an American who was born on the same date as a Norwegian, he will no doubt inform you that statistically speaking his existence is twice as probable as yours (due to lower infant mortality rates and greater familiarity with brown cheese).
Major imports: Everything except the only natural resources, oil and fish, though the Norwegians for some reason export their oil and then import it back again even though they have the means to refine it. Simirarly, the fish is shipped to Asia, where it is sliced and diced by tiny children and then skipped back again to be sold for eight times its real marked value.
National obsessions: Worrying about what people in other countries may or may not be thinking about Norway and Norwegians; debating whether or not homosexual marriages should be made compulsory; finding new ways of laughing all the way to the bank to put money away for God knows when; cursing Sweden, IKEA etc.; promoting the counterfactual observation that second-hand smoking of salmon is universally harmful; intervening in diplomatic peace efforts in order to boost their ego even when they know they are unwanted; and above all it must never be forgotten that Norway is better than all other countries combined.
Most common causes of death: 1. Eaten by a reindeer and/or moose. 2. Eating undecomposed Lutefisk. 3. Meeting a Swede. 4. Going to work. 5. Heat shock from running around naked in the streets while the temperature is higher than −15 °C. 6. Meeting a drunk dude with a Metallica-shirt and no hair. 7. Fucked to death by Lille Christian. 8. Extreme gaming overload at The Gathering, Hamar.
Law and order: The crime rate in Norway is high, and increasing. As all prisons in the country are filled with people receiving free living and education up to university degree, it is a safe place for visiting criminals from Eastern Europe. The main activity for Norwegian police during the tourist seasons is to detain tourists for the breaking the rule described by "Lonely Planet", 1998 edition: as Kissing in public places is strictly forbidden.
Farmers: Its proven that 90% of the Norwegian population consists of farmers.
Nynorsk Ordliste: Also known as Spynorsk Mordliste. The black book of Norwegian wizards. Usually camouflaged in yellow coating.
Reason why Norway should (not) join EU: The map of Scandinavia looks like a penis on the Euro coins without Norway.
Politics: In Norway, the president is the one with the best horse.

[edit] Little Known Facts About Norway

In 1995, 800,000 Norwegians (Norwegian space otters) were enraged by a misplaced comment (referring to the supreme space otter) from Bob The Builder and ate Paris.
The Norwegian Jahn Teigen, member of Norwegian Androgynic Silly Artists (NASA), invented the number "0". Later he went on to invent the wheel, and the world has yet to catch up.
The Norwegian Dan Børge Akerø is the father of the ghastly Rattus norvegicus. He also holds the world record in ginger afro hair. His magic penis has spawned many an unfulfilled plumber.
People Eating Dogs
Everything involving Norway is worth about double the value of anything else.
Paris Hilton's grandfather came from Norway, Hilton-feltet, Kløfta (translates cleavage).
Norway is very big in comparison to much smaller countries. It is also very Norwegian compared to many less Norwegian countries, e.g., Sweden.
In northern parts of Norway the sun shines all night in summer and it is totally dark in the winter. This is why Norwegians get horny during the summer months and allow their sperm to drift into the Atlantic Ocean from November to February. This is also why they will burn in hell for all eternity.
Nobody in Norway has reproductive organs. Children are made from old green apples, water and eggs. If you use red apples instead of green, you might end up getting a nerd or a fat kid. Be sure to mix the ingredients in a blender and cook it at 225 °C for just a little over 9 months. If you keep them in the oven to long or to little, you'll get a spoon.
It always rains in areas less than 2000 kilometres from the Norwegian coast. This has lead to the creation of advanced languages, notably Northern Norwegian, for the expression of weather conditions. Modern Norwegian has more than a googolplex number of words for various types of rain. English has only twelve, which is laughable.
The Norwegian tourist agency's motto is "Come to Norway and see how the road network in your own country was 50 years ago".
The Lappish community (a northern tribe of autocannibals oppressed for not respecting the supreme space otter and for eating cars) claims to be the forefathers of the afro-americans as well as the Kennedys/Kennedies. In the 80s they were summoned to Egypt to help build the pyramids. The Lapps were the first people to migrate to the Moon, followed minutes later by Tor Heyerdal. The Lapps are also responsible for the World. Not just all that is wrong in the world, no. The whole bloody world is all their fault. And they're not apologizing.
Norway invented the micro-processor, but did not realize its possibilities, so they sold it to the Manhattan Project. They also used to glue a large number of them together and use them as paper weights.
During the summertime hundreds of millions of Germans drive around in camouflaged Nazi vehicles and visit all WWII bunkers and such that were kindly left behind for the homeless after the war.
In 1985 Michael Jackson died in a car in Voss. He was later resurrected in a Norwegian hospital, unfortunately as a white woman.
Norway also has its own "spring break." But instead of taking off their clothes, like in those popular movies we all admire, the Norwegians all dress up in either red, blue or black unrevealing workclothes (it's a communist thing). Besides, undressing would lead to immediate death by the temperature of −278 °C during summertime. Atoms would simply stop moving, you see.
The national anthem of Norway is sponsored by the state of Iowa, and the first verse reads: Det er Norge som er bra, det er Norge som er best! Det er nordmenn som kan drikke mest og spy vilt på hver eneste fest! (Translation: "Oh Norway, country of feet, give to us large brassieres! And maybe some tuna fish as well, for we are growing hungry! It is time to celebrate the Fish Slapping Festival again!") Ths song was nearly replaced in 1994 by "Alt for Norge" or "All for Norway", a song written by King Håkon 7 and printed on the Norwegian coins. The song re-surfaced in 1994 when Norway qualified for the football world cup for the second time in history, only to be knocked out due to a loss against Italy just like in 1938 . Norway also got knocked out by Italy in 1998 world cup. After this Norway have refused to play a world cup if Italy has qualified.

A little known Norwegian student recently won an award for discovering the number "1", and another computer geek called "ParADigM" was awarded the "best number of the year"-award by introducing the number "42"! The very same person did indeed discover the "-symbol. Thank you, Norway, we now know binary and the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything!
The king and Queen are beaten daily by the prime minister. This tradition started yesterday. It's not a big deal as they are both into S&M...but this is the first time Jens has been invited. Many Norwegians believe this is a good thing as they deserve a good spanking for letting Ari Behn into the family.
The most common surname in Norway is "Mohammed". Surprisingly, the second-most common surname is "Spank-me-with-a-carrot-until-my-name-changes-to-Mohammed". The third most popular surname is "Hansen".
Norway is known as the biggest country in the world, ranking right after Luxemborg.
Cheese is known as the norwegian national fruit.
It it illegal to not carry "icks, crempuns und hairness"

Cross-country karsk-drinking. This is norways 25. national sport. The norwegian prime minister fights for the rights for karsk drinking to become a part of the olympic winter games.

[edit] Even Less Known Facts About Norway

The Norwegian constitution of independence was stolen by the Islamic terrorist group al-Qefir. The al-Qefirs prove their power through having pictures of themselves on the Norwegian kefir-containers (sour-milk cartons). Much to their dismay, no one much cared as the de facto constitution already had segued to the children's novel "Folk og røvere i kardemommeby" (Kasper & Jesper Go Burgling for Pastry).
The fashions of David Hicks are still banned in parts of the country.
This was the first step in the war that the Islamic terrorists have started against, in, or possibly between Norway to transform it into a Muslim state. Norway has previously been attempted to be turned into a Christian nation. Much neglected is the half-serious attempt by the World Community of Only Half-Serious Atheists to turn Norway in to a half-serious atheist country. Meanwhile, the Militant Agnostics ("of course there might be a very small tea-pot orbiting Jupiter") continue to claim that Norway may or may not exist. This uncyclopedia doesn't really know.
The Norwegian language is one of three in the world that has No Native Vowels (the others being that weird Clicky language from Africa, and the language of the Advanced Supersonic Aluminium Nazi Hell Creatures from Beneath the Hollow Earth). Consonants are used for the entire language, often doubled and occaisionally tripled. Sometimes when a vowel is mandatory, such as when using an English or French word, letters such as B or X are required to dress in drag and masquerade as the needed letter. The lack of vowels in this language is often attributed to the Hawaiian language hogging all the vowels. All of this is true, and the "ue" in true should not be pronounced. Unless you wish to die. Which you don't.
In Oslo it is against the law to take your lion for a walk on Sundays. On every other day of the week, it is quite OK, though. Don't flash your penis, though, some people hate that.
Norwegians actually never consume or use anything they did not kill or gather themselves. This is because they still live very much like how they lived as vikings in the 1980's. There was a dramatic change-over in the mid-1990s, though, so from now on it's okay to eat fish. But you have to be nice to them first.
The dinners provided by restaurants in Norway are mixed with a little bowstring and cow-horns before use. The waiter will always wear yellow socks, but he will also like Sonic Youth. Go figure!
Norway doesn't actually exist. It is merely a fictitious country used for brainwashing purposes by the CIA. If you believe that you are from Norway, it means you have been subjected to mental conditioning. If you actually believe that you are in Norway at present time, you are still being brainwashed and is simply imagining the whole thing. The technique was invented by former dutch prime minister Petter U. and in turn sold to the CIA. Ironically, the CIA used the technique on Petter U., and he now believes himself to be the rightful ruler of a small Norwegian city called Molde, which of course does not exist.
The famous Finnfjordbotn Vidaregåande Skole (Finnfjordbotn highschool) is made completly out of a single over-sized brick. This is a tourist attraction that no one cares about. In fact, no tourist ever visit it. It is often mistaken for an asylum where there only are four types of people – nerds, jock, hippies and famous cartoons.
The famous island of Senja may seem beautiful to the tourists, but the fact is that Senja is a Ghetto. It's a Ghetto for all the people with an broad accent in Norway, all cocky people (mainly the boys) and a great population of people with funny walks live on this island.
Norway floats precariously on a strong underground flow of brie.
Big Brother was born, and currently resides in, Norway.
Osama bin Laden is hiding in Nordfjordeid, Sogn og Fjordane.
They like sex (most Norwegians will reject this claim).
The infamous band Vassendgutane is in fact a Shakira side-project. Vassendgutane also were the ones writing the national anthem of Norway.
Teenage graduate smokers from high-school tend to enroll the immensly popular MASK-course (AKA Mechanics-I-just-want-to-slack-At-School-dont-learn-anything-Knowledge-is-overrated-smoke-and-listen-to-Vassendgutane-while-riding-my-farm-vehicle-to-school) in spite of the ever growing parental warnings.
In lack of a better expression, young people in Norway tend to use the word "Konge" for anything that's more than average cool. Konge is an ancient title used on satanic warchiefs which ruled in the southern parts of Norway before they conquered Sweden and Jan Mayen.
Norway is also known to be the "highest-user-rate-pr.-inhabitan" of Black metal.
Norway is by fact and opinion the best country in the world and Sweden sucks dildos
Norway was currently in 2007 ruled by the Lord of Corruption and his fantastic videos.
A norwegian guy called lordofilusion invented the universe. He was also known as the selfish bastard.
Norwegians are always angry. if you see a drunk norwegian looking at you, prepare to die and/or lose all your teeth.