Nothing

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Note: NOTHING should not be on this page because nothing explains nothing better than nothing. But because no human mind is so full of nothing that nothing can not be contemplated if nothing was not on this page, the following text about nothing should not help the common reader to understand nothing, to realize nothing, to learn nothing, to enjoy nothing, and enjoy what nothing brings to the world where nothing is nothing but not always something (think about it...).

If nothing confuses you, then worry because it's about nothing and nothing may help you in life, and this text about nothing will not help you... (contemplate it...)

Contents

[edit] History of Nothing

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Nothing.
Artist's depiction of Nothing.
Artist's depiction of Nothing.


[edit] technical problems of nothing

Nothing is the absence of exstence. However, since there is an article ABOUT nothing, then obviously there has to be SOMETHING, right? And then there's the name. Nothing has a name. That name is void. Therefore nothing has a name and therefore since there is nothing in nothing nothing has to be a concept. But that means it IS something, but nothing is nothing, it's void, it's empty, there IS NOTHING in it. But there is something there, there is a void. THERE IS A VOID. The void IS THERE. Right THERE in front of you, THERE IS A VOID. IT IS THERE. IT EXISTS! Alright, screw it. I've had enough.....


Nothing is a word it is not a void it is not anything except for a word but that would mean it is something not nothing but nothing is a word to describe well.... nothing. It is not a void and you cannot die and join nothing because if anyone could die and just join nothing then nothing would not have even existed millions of years ago so therefore nothing is as the word states..... nothing. Alright i think i got the message through. Whoever wrote the paragraph above and below was obviosly thinking about it to hard because the way to define nothing is to think nothing.






.......what you just saw is a blank. There is NOTHING ON THE PAGE except tiny particles of dust on my screen. But that means there IS something on the page. (long sigh). I think i'm going to give up now. I'm going to lay down and die and enter the VOID! But wait! That means that when i enter it, it will no longer be a void, there will be something in it! ME!

This is hopeless. Give it up buddy. you're going to learn nothing from this article. Fuck. That means YOU ARE going to learn something. But THAT IS NOT NOTHING! RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!



One version of the story of nothing goes as follows: Nothing started out as an ordinary nothing. However, it was sick of being misnamed so it worked hard, and harder, and harder until it became included in every damn song made by the Beatles. But even this wasn't enough, as it became power hungry and began invading the houses of ordinary people, dressed as encyclopedia sellers, door salesmen, and it also came in the form of pie-eating contest; a form no one saw coming. Nothing soon took over nothing and everything. It became CEO of CBS, which is why that channel has absolutely nothing, and sometimes even less than nothing, which is an incredible feat that ABC is trying to do itself.

Another version of the story of nothing goes like this:

Still others believe the following: Nothing has ever existed, in the sense that “it” hasn’t. Nothing wasn’t always called nothing. And at some point there were “intelligent” beings that “doubted, thought, and were”. Doubt was a thing. And they doubted the existence of so many things that virtually nothing escaped their doubt. Since nothing escaped doubt, it was thought that nothing was the only thing that was real. Never did they stop to doubt the thingness of nothing. Really, “it” was nothing, and therefore nothing to doubt. But still, nothing seemed all the more real.

Even more have come to believe this lie: After an eternity of doing nothing, “it” was so well known for “it’s” accomplishments that nothing was nighted by the queen of salmon.

[edit] Horacio's Philosophical Implications of Nothing

Nothing.
Nothing.

Nothing is the absence of existing. The human mind is incapable of comprehending something that doesn't exist, and it could be argued that simply by trying to imagine it we bring an approximation of it into existence, so the only "nothing" that can truly be called "nothing" is "nothing" that no one ever thinks about. Say "nothing" at least ten times, and listen carefully to the sound of it. The word then ceases to mean anything, but not even this nonsense nothing is close to the true nothing that doesn't exist in the minds of men, AND WOMEN.

To put it simply: Any form of nothing there is - on any level of existence - is "something", only that which is not is "nothing". Or even simpler: nothing does not exist.

Perhaps the simplest definition yet of nothing is this: nothing (n)--the active ingredient in homeopathic remedies.

Corollary (existence proof): You are presently reading all the proof necessary to demonstrate that nothing not only exists but if it did not, humans would be compelled to create it.

[edit] Mathematics of Nothing

In mathematics, Nothing is described as The Empty Set. Every set S has The Empty Set as a subset, although The Empty Set is nothing. Hence, nothing is a subset. It follows, therefore, that since nothing is a subset, there can be no subset, since nothing is a subset. However, if The Empty Set is an element of another set S, S is not nothing, and has at least at least one something, namely, the set of nothing, The Empty Set. The number One is defined as the number of elements in the set U whose sole element is The Empty Set. All numbers are built from this concept, hence are built on a foundation of nothing.

[edit] Empirical evidence: A brief introduction

In order to fully comprehend the the ramifications of the following section, please carefully the instructions of the following link.

The question about nothing is heavily being disputed among scholars and research scientists. Based on statistics research at DumbBell Labs as part of Mathematical Sciences research, and also part of Computer Science research via a "dotted-line" relation a tradition of fundamental research driven by real-world applications going back to Walter Shoe and John Turkey shows that by continuing to focus on data from a host of challenging applications, new ways to think about, look at, and compute with nothing are being formulated.

Traditional statistical tools were used to analyze the wealth of data of nothing . The problem is perhaps most acute in the quest to understand how nothing interact to regulate nothing of loci, or locations around nothing. Such loci are often situated within nothing that participate in the same pathway as nothing being influenced, and a central goal is to understand this network of mutually influential nothingness and loci. Consider piecing together this puzzle for each of the many thousands of nothings and many thousands of potentially influential loci, and the old analytical tools simply can't keep up. In this issue of nothing, statisticians and colleagues tackle the challenge with a new approach.

[edit] Nothing - The Chemical Element

Nothing is an element that defies description, easily the least reactive, it is virtually impossible to find a contaminated substance. It is recognized by its structure: no electrons orbiting a nucleus of no protons and no neutrons. Its oxidation states are something of a mystery. It has every possible oxidation state imaginable, since there is no element that it can't bond without being obliterated, yet it has none, since there are no valence electrons for it to share.

The alchemists trick of turning lead into gold may be something of a medieval quackery but the practice of turning Nothing into gold is not only achievable but easy (with the presence of gold)

Ng + Au = Au

In fact when Nothing comes into contact with any substance, Nothing is obliterated. Likewise when a substance is totally destroyed, Nothing is left. Harmful levels of the element have been detected on planet earth on multiple occasions. When the Americans dropped the Atom Bomb on Hiroshima, Nothing was left and thus the population became sick. Likewise, in several African nations where Nothing is eaten by the general public, famines usually strike.

Shittium <- Nothing -> Analium
Forcium
^
Ng
v
Telekenisium
image:Ng-TableImage.png
General
Name Nothing
Symbol Ng
number 0
Physical Properties
Melting point -0 °C, or maybe -0 °F
Boiling point +0 °C, or maybe +0 °F
Taste *****
Atomic Weight 0
Known Isotopes Ng-0
Electric Charge 0 eV
Properties Only Real Nerds Understand
Hefner Force 0
Magnetic Domain Sensitivity 0
Oxidation States +0, 0, -0
First Ionization energy -0 kJ/mol
Second Ionazation energy -0 kJ/mol
Elector affinity +0 kJ/mol
Xenobilogical potential
Prototronic value
Iso-ptero-ortotronical protuberation status
Tachyon capability
Tachyon incapablily status
Unified physics using
Tachyon amel-thet field status
Pozitronic matrix capability
Teleinfiltration transphase coordination
Subatomic particle string state

[edit] What does nothing look like?

Nobody knows what nothing actually looks like. If you could see nothing, then you wouldn't be able to see anything at all. Hence, you would be blind, and would not know what anything else looks like to be able to differentiate between nothing and something. Nothing is rumored to look like a plain-white space, but how could this be true if one could see it? It couldn't be, because it's nothing. You could say that nothing is transparent, but if it was, then how would you know if nothing was there or not?

It is much easier to say that nothing looks just like “it” tastes or smells. In fact, nothing looks the same as “it”sees, hears or touches. Of course, nothing feels great to space nudists. But they sometimes forget to exhale when they jump out of the spaceship.

[edit] Riddle about Nothing

It is more powerful than God, but more evil than the Devil.

It is bigger than the universe, but it has less matter than the smallest particle.

The poor have it, but the rich need it.

The dead eat it always, but the living that eats it dies.

It is smaller than your penis.

[edit] Poem about Nothing

NOTHING LIKE A POEM IS WRITTEN HERE because there's nothing to write. (no, seriously, there IS a poem about nothing, except for reasons that it may be copyrighted, it is not allowed to appear). You'll just have to find the poem about nothing, in hopes that it has not disappeared into nothingness. Good Luck!!!

[edit] The Ultimate Truth of All Truths

The ultimate truth in the universe is absolute nothing exists. The only thing that is constant in the universe is absolutely nothing***. Nothing defines nothingness.

It is said "we come from nothing and shall return to nothing". Blame Eric Idle for this, though that Bowie chap with his "ashes-to-ashes" had it pretty much right, as ashes are pretty much nothing (but not actually nothing).

As Douglas Adams observed, with an infinite improbability anything can happen. The reciprocal of this, is that with 100% certainty nothing must happen simultaneously. Spontaneous temporal problems (such as the appearance of a small piece of fairy cake) can arise in this situation. Typically, someone eats this cake, thus rendering it (and the accidental appearance) back to nothing, correcting causality. The Total Perspective Vortex uses this mechanism to point out to the observer that they are, in fact, nothing. In a very big thing, which is also nothing. And then we get to M.C. Escher's etching of the two hands of nothing drawing each other. But that's another article, shurley?

See also a discourse on this by Nothing (0.) itself [1].

Actually The ultimate truth in the universe is 42, but nothing is a part of everything...so nothing also is The ultimate truth in the universe.

[edit] Common Criticisms

“Exactly the same, Proog! Nothing!”

~ Emo on nothing (to Proog)

Nothing can, and usually does go terribly, horribly wrong. This commonly results in good things happening, which is logically impossible. 27 out of 30 Beatles agree that nothing should be avoided at all costs.

[edit] What Isn't Nothing?

Nothing.
Nothing.

Nothing is the large piece of land commonly known as Russia.

Nothing is nothing if not itself. And it isn't itself, or anything else for that matter, which is the very thing that makes "it" exist. The selflessness of nothing is nothing of note. Due to this notoriety many existentialist works have been written to debunk nothing, and it worked! They have proved that nothing can possibly exist without itself. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take that to the bank! Note too the fact that nothing is in the very same sense that "it" isn't. It naturally follows that nothing is the same wherever you go. This is true in both senses, and creates a certain constant.

[edit] Why Not Nuthin'?

Why? because "nuthin" is an abbreviation, and therefore contradicts the statement that there is nothing there in the first place. as there would be nothing to abreviate. and really, nothing the word is an oxymoron in itself. it should be replaced by a concept of nothing, which, although not nothing in actuality, would be closer to the actual goal of nothing. from there, we could gradually improve on this, reaching a higher and higher state of nothingness, and using up larger and larger amounts of negative energy, until at last the amount of negative energy required to accelerate the concept would be infinite. by this logic, nothing but nothing can actually reach the point of velocity known as "the speed of nothing". this concept is also known as meatstew's theory of nothingality. to understand, take more drugs.A other popular rumor is that nothingness exemplified from a small mining town from local philosopher Randy Dogg.

[edit] Summary

This page intentionally left blank, because Bastian was too scared to name the childlike Empress in a timely manner. See Never Ending Story.

[edit] Buy Nothing Day

Buy Nothing Day is a cunning advertising plot, forcing you to buy twice as much the day before, thereby running up and even bigger credit card debt that you can be surcharged for. To compensate for this stroke of bad luck, try some retail therapy.

[edit] Nothing in popular culture

  • There's nothing like a nice tune, is there?
  • There's nothing on TV at the moment, which is why you're on the internet.
  • According to "The X-Files," "Nothing Important Happened Today."

That'll not happen sometimes.

  • Steve Perry's career, while once Something Else, is now Nothing.

[edit] Nothing at all.....Except a dot at the bottom to express the nothingness















.

[edit] Explanation of the previous section

See how there's nothing at all under "Nothing at all?" That's to show what nothing at all is. Therefore, Uncyclopedia does a great job of explaining what nothing at all is.

Another version of nothing is women's rights.

[edit] Not for Nothing, but. . .

But what happens if you take Nothing and eliminate from it everything that does not exist, and then eliminate Nothing itself? And then eliminate what's not left? What do you have then, flyboy? Huh?

[edit] See also

Meow!! This tong is moribund, pimpalicious businessman. The peanut is Ape-Shit Crazy, and adheres for the pastry.
If you ruffle to clapperclaw this, you will most easily loll Ape-Shit Crazy yourself.
Or the bestiality will oscillate your abdomen!!!!!
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Nothing"
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