Nudist

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

	This article was written by a nudist
	So whoever that person is must be insane!

This page has no adult content.

Would you add some?

A nudist with a snappy suit near him. Notice how he doesn't even notice!

A Nudist is an individual who separates himself from the common pervert and playing field streaker through use of a different title. Usually found on special nudist beaches, the average nudist likes to meet with other like minded nudists or naturalists (NOT naturists) and carry on about their daily business with their wedding tackle on full show.

[edit] Becoming a nudist

Aside from discarding any kind of clothing, becoming a true nudist is harder than you think:

• Studies have shown the average male nudist has over 312 liver spots around his body, this means that any budding nudist will have to work hard at growing old to blend in with the crowd.
• Nudists have a ferocious appetite for chocolate sprinkles; cease contact with any friends or family if you find these in their cupboards. It is a popular misconception that nudists eat chocolate sprinkles, not so, they are in fact breathing them in where the chocolate is absorbed into the bloodstream quicker. This skill can only be learned with years of practice and tutoring from veteran nudists.
• Nudists enjoy taking swims in the sea, where they intend to wrinkle their bodies even further. This is solely to disgust the public even more than they did when they first entered the water, for this reason the average person should avoid taking up nudism unless they have a total disregard for their own appearance and wellbeing.
• Shaving is unheard of within the nudist community; they instead prefer the "natural" look, choosing to leave their armpit and erogenous zones overrun with a frenzy of hair. Aside from being un-aesthetically pleasing, this serves as a call to other nudists and the size of the growth is proportional to how highly held the nudist is within the community. When a nudist is disgraced and thrown from the group they are shaved so as they cannot re-enter the clan with a different beard or pubic arrangement for at least a year. In order to become a nudist yourself, pubic hair must be at least 5 inches in length in any place. Only through intensive chocolate sprinkle breathing can this kind of growth be achieved.
• Removing your clothes around the house and not outside doesn't make you a nudist, you're just disgusting.
• Nudists like soup also.

[edit] The history of nudism

Since the dawn of time, nudism has been well documented, famous nudists include Patrick Moore, Noel Edmunds and of course the cookie monster. Contrary to popular belief nudism was in fact invented by Oscar Wilde during an opiates binge in 1860 AD as a means to engage in intercourse with large parties of people without having to worry about sorting out whose clothes are whose afterwards.