Nuke
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction? No wonder you couldn't find them, idiot.
“What's a nuke?”
~ Japan (August 5, 1945)
The Nuke
It is the greatest tool of peace ever made. It can also be found as an animal. See Nuclear Explosions
It was invented by Albert Einstein while scribbling on tissue paper in his toilet or maybe Our Lord God.
“That was freakin' awesome ”
~ Albert Einstein on testing the nuke
It has shown a 100% success rate (not that impressive, considering the rounding errors) in preventing both Guerilla and Parakeet warfare.
In the unlikely event that war breaks out, nukes can be used to quickly resolve the situation. Also, Dr Strangelove loves this perticular bomb, after he learned to stop worrying.
Contents |
[edit] Nuking in Love and War
Nuking stuff has proven popular over the last few years, especially with Nazis, right-wing religious groups, George Bush and Mr. Sally's crazed uncles. By far, the most popular nuking method is the "ol' drop a nuke while riding it". There are also much more intelligent methods, involving dropping the nuke and blaming a third world country. Riding the nuke was brought to the people's attention when they watched that weird black and white movie (you know the one - nuking in the USA!). Life is all about the nuclear bomb, and don't ever let anybody tell you differently.
[edit] Nuking in Love and War
Nuking is a joyous activity of fun for most countries. Representatives from countries meet up in Las Vegas and start to gamble. Which ever country loses gets nuked. Japan has always been bad at this game, and once lost twice in the same week. China always tries to cheat. They once rolled a 10 on a six sided die. This led to Tiananmen Square. Bush then told China "Wada u doin' rollin' a 10 on a seven - no five, no four - sided die. I'm gonna nuke your country".
[edit] Nuke Prevention
Nukes are commonly used to stop other poor countries from making nukes. Rich countries are not nuked because they have Grues and this would be a bad thing.
[edit] The Nuking List
In March of 2001, George Bush made the NUKING LIST. This list taught the world's gentlemen which places, creatures and types of toffee to nuke. Some popular examples include Iran, Syria, Holland, Japanese People, Basmati rice, and the Taj Mahal.
"The Nuke List"
- Steve wilkos
- Mexico
- Iran
- Gay People
- People who disconnect during online video gaming sessions. Bastards
- Holland, because they have pot and we don't
- ESRB headquarters
- Greenpeace
- TiVo
- All forms of the word "clams"
- Yu-gi-oh
- Pokemon
- People who read this list (Duck. Now.)
- Your mom
- Myspace
- Starbucks
- All the emos in the whole wide world
- Apple (note: something might happen)
- Apple (again)
- All forms of Windows (Although it already nuked its pants.)
- The jews for surviving WWII
“0m6220r2 n0!!!11!!123four \/\/u7 r u 741k!n6 4b007???”
~ n00b on Linux
- Hilary Clinton
- Steve Jobs (BOOM!)
- Hyrule
- Jack Thompson
- Anyone else who thinks video games cause violence
- Adam Robins at Adamrobins@hotmail.co.uk E-MAIL ME! I'M SEXY~
- monkies
- Alex Chan
- Douglas Wong
- Penguins
- People who like penguins
- People who don't like penguins
- People who only say they don't like penguins in order to avoid asplosions
- People who think this list is a waste of time
- People who think people are a waste of time
- People who think penguins are a waste of time
- Emos. Again. Twice.
- Erdős
- GH
- Windows Vista
- people not reading this-
- Oscar Wilde
- Soviet Russia
- Osama Bin Ladin
- You
- mark torley
- Everything
- Bad European videogame developers
- Jack Thompson
- Borat
- Lyndsay Lohan
- oblivion
- alpha centary
- dobie high school
- beverly hills and all the schools in us
- People who don't capitolize proper nouns
- America
- South America
- MAVAV
- SkyNet
- "The Man"
- Ben Bernanke
- Spencer
[edit] Controversy of Canada and The List
While the contents of the list were the subject of much controversy, even moreso were the contents missing from the list. Specifically, Canada. The answer however, is obvious to anyone with more than a fraction of a brain cell.
Simply put: Nothing bad happens in Canda.
[edit] Suicide Nukers
In the last Taliban Press conference, their head of PR, DR.X said he hoped in future the Taliban could use suicide Nukers. Big Bad George's comment was "Future years? Hell, they only gots a month." He proceeded to nuke another hapless middle-eastern country out of existance
- G.W. Bush is about to nuke you for reading this list as it is highly confidential and part of the national intelligence (stolen from the FBI database by chinese h4z0rs) so.... run away to Mexico or something*** Actually, Mexico's on the nuke list too, so that ain't such a good idea. Canada would probably work better.
[edit] Recreational Nuking
[edit] Music Nuking
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine and N-Sync. Professional Nukers will also listen to Britney Spears, but this is only for advanced Nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more precisely the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds). Unfortunately, this is a very dangerous activity, especially if the Nuker is listening to drum and bass, as it can alter the Earth's orbit around the sun. With a bit of bad luck and a very loud song, we could either be pushed out of orbit or pushed into the sun. It is generally accepted that both of these would be a Very Bad Thing.
[edit] Speed Nuking
In Speed Nuking, the Nuker is just supposed to go insane with his or her nuking and nuke every thing, person and smaller poodle in sight. Very hazardous - but who cares?
[edit] Food Nuking
Cooking food in the magical white box you all own that gives your testes cancer if you stand besides it.
Done!
