Numerology
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Numerology is the truest of all the sciences. It has been repeatedly tested and found to be complete accurate in all objective experiments. This is why the Illuminati were able to use numerology accurately predict the stock market and take over Microsoft. They were also able to discover the meaning of life by applying numerological techniques to the Mormon bible thingy. They were disappointed to discover that the meaning of life is a number, but they're not goanna let that get them down. They're gonna rent a copy of Monty Python's Meaning of Life and see what their magically numerical scientists can get out of it.
The key to numerology is numbers. Numbers are all around us and control everything we do, say, or think. Numbers control what you had for lunch today. Numbers control the weather and what you will do. Unfortunately, there is no control of numbers because its impossible to count to infinity, or even to (infinity – 42).
Numerology is connected with Scientology and Creationism through the Creationists United with Numerologists, The Scientologists, and The Flat-Urthers (CUNT-STFU).
Some note with shrill paranoia the ever increasing incidence of the number 23 showing up all over the place, but they are simply misled. The real conspiracy has to do with the number eleventy-fnord.
[edit] Significance of numbers
- 1 - Unity, the number divine (except for Christians). Mathematicians and magicians alike worship it as in a category all its own.
- 2 - The twin souls of the spheres and of lovers. Computers count in this number (binary); they cannot count any higher than two, and could never be made to do so. An angle can be divided into any number of segments except two using a compass. Patron saint of technology and insight.
- 3 - The first prime number and the only number to be composite (no, of course 2 doesn't count). Birth, life, and death. Father, son, and holy smokes. Beginning, middle, and end. The number of the Holy Trinity, and of the coming. Three space dimensions. Patron number of time, space, and bagels.
- 4 - The number of death, rightly feared by many Asian peoples. Evidence for its deadliness can be found in the movie Four Weddings and a Funeral. Four seasons, four compass directions, four spacetime dimensions, four BBC channels, four Time Cube quadrants, four limbs, four corners to a biscuit! My God, don't you see the PATTERN!? Is everyone crazy except me? WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
- 5 - The number five is the only number coperfect to both 3 and 18. There are five fingers on each hand, as an endowment of perfection from the CREATOR. Gehn knew it to be the number of perfection. 5 corners to a pentagram. Deity of daily life and of the angelic voices in our heads.
- 6 - Primary and secondary colours taken together are six. Two threes are six, playing a sinister counterplay to 23. The first number evenly divisible by smack. Many cosmological constants have a leading six. Six sides to a Time Cube, suggesting a mystical relationship with 4 and 9. Also a divisor of the number of the beast. The patron number of mysteries and sinister events. Those who do not avoid sixes in their everyday lives will be swallowed by Satan.
- 7 - The luckiest number. If you are not wearing a rosary string with seven beads at all times a piano or block of concrete willeth surely falleth on thine head. The seven deadly sins. The seven virtues. The seven trumpets of the apocalypse. Unity plus twice the numbers of the faith. BELIEVE! BELIEVE for Christ's sake! The patron number of zombies, heaven, and Cheese Whiz.
- 13 - Looks like the ears and nose of a cat, turned sideways; this is no coincidence. The unluckiest of all numbers. And the mirror smote the MacBeth as he opened an umbrella under the stair of the stepladder.
- 42 - It's the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Didn't you read the blue number above?
- 69 - This is the number of unification of 2 person's privates. This process is integral because the fluids must be swapped for viral transfer to happen.
- 142857- The hellish number that reappears every time you multiply it by anything!! Some say it is a combination of 1 and 7, by division, and is thus perfect, others say its very nature connotes evil incarnate.
- 49832020 - Numeric properties for the lives among us and of the physical and the spiritual matter are as yet unknown, but it looks like a backward 23, a backward 789 joke, and 20/20 retrospective. MERCY MERCY IT'S....
[edit] Examples of numerology in Fiction
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