Odin
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The Allfather, the Hanged God, the Lord of Men, is the supreme judge of heroic things. He has personally reviewed this article and determined that it is up to Valhalla's quality standards. The author is permitted to enter the heroic realm of Asgard upon death. In the meantime, the author will be given a cask of Odin's favorite mead.
“Allfather, my ass.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Odin
“Too many 40s, and a nigga be straight buggin'.”
~ Odin on Alcohol
“It be impossible to pity this fool.”
~ Mr T on Odin
“I have more believers than you, n00b!”
~ God on Odin
“I have had sex with more women than you have, virgin.”
~ Odin on God
“Oh, looks like people don't believe in sex.”
~ Me on The Above two Quotes
“Nice eyepatch. Where's your parrot?-Last words of Silver Ravenwolf”
~ {{{2}}}
“I'm in trouble, whats Sif thinking?-Thor to Odin”
~ {{{2}}}
Principal deity of the world's largest religion, Odin is badly reinacted by a bunch of losers who think they are Vikings. He is probably the most badass motherfucker of all time [[.]]
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[edit] Origins
The worship of Odin began in ancient Scandinavia, when the Norse gods created the world in the following way: In the beginning of time there was only an empty happy universe with no one in it to possibly be happy (or even alive) so then the incredible giant Ymr created itself out of thin air. Not long after this happened Ymr created Odin and his two bully-brothers. They bullied Ymr around for a while and finally just killed the muthafucker. Now the only thing left in the universe were the 3 badass brothers, so they created our pretty world, the world of men, out of Ymr's carcass: from his skull they made our sky from his teeth they made rocks from his bones mountains where made and from his blood they made our semen.
The Norse creation myth is described in the Poetic Eddas, and centers around the birth of man from the rectum of a omnipotent space cow while it was licking an icy rock (which is actually a frozen tooth of Ymr).
[edit] Influence
Odin rules over all in his gold plated large trailer park in Asgard; everyone else is forced to live in Midgard, also known as trailer trashville. If you happen to die, you will end up in Niffleheim, which is a fancy name for the landfill behind trailer trashville. You will also find STD infested people there and one really hot girl. BE CAREFUL. Half of her face has the herp. You've been warned.
[edit] Physiology
Odin is also missing one eye, which he lost in a game of sabacc to Han Solo, who keeps it in his pocket to allow for "Is a norse god's eyeball in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me" jokes. He also has a sweet gold covered eyepatch so he really doesn't want that back anyway.
Odin's worshipers marched on Jerusalem in 500 BC and converted the heathen Jews, who became enthusiastic Odinists. Odin so loved the Jewish people that he sent them his begotten son, Thor, as a messiah. With the help of Thor and his friends Asterix and Obelix the Jews defeated the Romans. When Thor felt it safe enough to bare children, he anally gave birth to a squirrel named Thor jr. Shortly after, Thor was betrayed by Loki Iscariot and crucified. Odin raised Thor from the dead, thus causing Christianity. In the ensuing weeks, Pope Obelix I set up the Roman Catholic Hierarchy.The squirrel was hidden in a temple to Thor so nobody could find out about his child. The squirrel was discovered 2000 years after by Robert Langdon.
Several hundred years later, the founder of Islam, Sir Mohammed Islam, approached Allfather Odin for permission to begin a new religion worshiping the Grey-Bearded One. Odin gave his permission, but only on the condition that Muslims would begin an annual pilgrimage to the holy city of Trondheim in Norway. Also, noting a terrifying shortage of mead, he forbade the Muslims from drinking.
In later years, Odin (a.k.a. evil-overlord) would go on to found the Baha'i faith and the Church of Later Day Saints. He now reigns in the kingdom of heaven with his fellow gods Ifrit, Bahamut, Shiva, Carbuncle, Jezus and Choco-Mog.
[edit] Nicknames
'Yggr' is perhaps his best-known nickname, which historians believed until recently is an Old Norse word that means 'The Terrible One'. A rune stone found among the possessions of the late Strom Thurmond revealed that 'Yggr' is, in fact, an acronym for one of Odin's favorite sayings of ancient Norse wisdom: "You gonna get raped."
Odin is also known as 'Hal' in the Aesir Linux Club because of his single glowing eye and because he deliriously sang 'Daisy Bell' as he lost consciousness while hanging from the World Tree.
Finally, Odin often signs his work on the Internet cryptically with the emoticon ;-P, which represents the one-eyed god hanging with grotesque protruding tongue. This emoticon is known well to Asatru pagans, who in muted reverence allude to the 'All-smiley'.
He is also known as "The All-Father", or to his close friends, "Old One Eye".
[edit] Famous Appearances
Better known for his performance as Gandalf in the popular movies the Lord of the Rings, in which he used a prosthetic eye, and was most upset that they wanted the eye back after they had finished fliming. He was also a regular on the show Kenan and Kel uy
[edit] See Also
[edit] Further Material
Categories: Odin Approved | Religion | Gods | Mythology
