Oklahoma

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“It is most curious that the well-armed belligerent peoples of Texas and Oklahoma are saved from mutual annihilation by something as insignificant as the Red River.”

~ Mark Twain on Oklahoma

“oklahoma?”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Its citizens are known as Oklahomans.”

~ Captain Obvious on Oklahoma

Oklahoma - the state with the long bit

Note: This article has NOT been edited by the People's Fair and Constitutionally Supervised Under the Glorious Eternal Lordship of Kim Jong Il Information Bureau of the Glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea!!! (section six)

1 Oklahoma
2 Statistics
3 History
4 Economy
5 A Geographical Fact
6 People from Oklahoma
7 See Also

[edit] Oklahoma

Oklahoma, "[o-kla-homa-]" founded in 1905 by a lost boy and his dog (rumored to be Lassie) looking for Greece, is a big, bland and boring squarish shaped place barely worthy of being called a state. The people who live there descended from the same six families who settled there from Arkansas. Since incest has never been formally banned, most people are related. The weather is at best, schizophrenic and bipolar, this is due to God wondering why the fuck he didn't just make a big pan shaped lake.

FUN FACT: An inhabitant of Oklahoma is known as an oklahoman, (plural: fudge waffle).

In order to train for the manned Mars mission, the astronauts will first spend a year in Oklahoma, so they can get used to otherworldly weather patterns that attempt to kill you by any means necessary regardless of the season.

The moral character of Oklahoma can best be determined by the fact most people in jail are innocent of the crime they supposedly committed, aside from the ones with tattoos. In Oklahoma, this is normal.

The state battlecry is "FUCK TEXAS!", and this has nothing to do with panhandle envy.

Ottawa County, Oklahoma is the best place in the world to murder someone because there are large mine shafts that nobody checks. Many believe famous missing people have been dumped there. including, the black michael jackson, emilia airhart and many others.

The only person to ever claim they were from Oklahoma is Kelly Clarkson, but only because it's slightly less embarrassing than claiming you're from Utah or that you're Kelly Clarkson (who is from Wyoming).

Oklahoma is stuck next to Texas, the most metrosexual state to ever be admitted into the Union of the United States of America. Oklahomans hate Texas, as exhibited in the battlecry, and regularly patrol the Red River with shotguns. Most Texans, however, drown, being weighed down by ten gallon hats and underestimating the fact that cow shit is less dense than cowboy, before they get across.

Several states have fought over Oklahoma, the largest war being the Hundred and Seventy Two Years' War, was between the now vanished Klingon Empire and the remnant of Gnarnia, now a Hypocrisy, the only example of this rare form of government in the USA. In 1927, Oklahomans, fed up with all of their sacred cows being slaughtered, invented a Mass Shadow Generator to crush the Gnarnian Empire and put Texas in its place.

[edit] Statistics

Ruler: Chuck Norris
Capitol: Oklahoma City
Population: 3 million people and 6 million cows
Admitted to the Union: 1976, the 93rd state
Quit the Union: 2008, the 87th former state
Borders: Atlantis, Old New Mexico, Kansas, Arkansas, South Park
Barnes & Noble: 73 distinct franchises
Giant cross: 147 ft
Indians: Too many.
Wally the clown's: One in every mall
Starbucks: Overpriced
Next to: Kansas, Wisconsin, Birmingham, Norway Confederate States of America, Insanity
Turn ons: Long, flat roads, panhandles, squaredancing, Jesus, country music, double wides, country music, Texas jokes, country music, KKK, smoking, OSU football, Australia
Turn offs: Indian rights, straight edgers, intelligence, poetry, Klingons, emos, OU football, Russia
State "smack"matician: John Ryan
State animal: Cow and chickens
State bird: Winged Cow Winged Double Wide
State plant: Tumbleweed
State anthem: The Mike Gundy rant
State anime: Eureka Seven
State nickname: That thing we couldn't get rid of
State motto: Oklahoma is adequate!

[edit] History

Oklahoma used to be populated exclusively by fleas and ticks in the 19th century. Thankfully, Lassie and Little Boy with Stick came around and showed all the insects the principles of Manifest Destiny, and after a brief skirmish, which claimed the lives of the Wise Flea, Grandmaster Tick, and various pagan tribes of aboriginal elves as well as General Custer, Oklahoma was registered as inhabitable by settlers. Present day oklahoma has been turned into a giant indian casino run by illegal imigrants posing as the ancient Indian tribe, the "taco bells".

oklahoma grew by leaps and bounds as many settlers passed through en route to Hell, on the River Styx (also known as the Red River). Sadly, their boats malfunctioned, and so they were stranded in a strange state. Some of them banded together and formed towns like Oklahoma City, Tulsa and Adair. Many others, however, perished, unmourned and unremembered. Shame.

[edit] Economy

Major industries: Rounhouse Kicks, Tourism, Incest, Oklahoma Turnpike Authority, dust, rednecks, raping the way of life of ancient peoples (also known as casinos), exotic dancing, pregnant teens, cheap labor.

Major exports: Sand, strippers, tornadoes, salsa, meth.

Major imports: Food, beaners, aborted fetuses, Californian sunlight.