Old Dominion University

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Old Dominion University
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Motto	Eat Grue ODU?
Established	1506, reconstructed in 2006, Modified with operable MagLev in 2000
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School type	Public
President	That guy, or This guy[1]
Location	Norfolk, Virginia, USA
Campus	Reconditioned Landfill
Enrollment	{{{enrolled}}}, {{{graduates}}}
Endowment	{{{endowment}}}
Faculty	Pie
Mascot	Gryphon Mutation

“Old Dominion is where I learned to prognosticate how long my schlong could be stretched and how many exameters my cod piece would become, if I let the dark lips of a singularity envelop me.”

~ Oscar Wilde on College Days

Atomkraftwerke wird den Löwe der Universität verdorben.

“Exhaustive research has proved, that Herr Wilde's phallus is indeed on the order of one exameter per century of light speed, and by introducing his phallus, which he named Margaret Thatcher because they speak the same language, has indeed stretched his member, with the aid of the singularity, to the previously undermentioned length of 1/2 Ångstrøm.”

~ Professor X

Contents 1 History of Old Dominion 2 Admissions 3 Academics 4 Athletics 5 Research 6 Demographics 7 Honor Code 8 Fight Song 9 The MagLev 10 Discrimination/Privacy Policies 11 Contact Info 12 See Also 13 Notes and References

[edit] History of Old Dominion

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The history of Old Dominion is as storied and famous as the degenerate protagonists who have made it so popular. It was founded in May 15 1506: Feast of St. Kielbasa, patron saint of Mechanically Separated Chicken It was founded in response to growing secularism and speculumism from the people of Virginia. The campus was founded on a former landfill, where undesirables were brought to cull the harvest for fermentation purposes. Anheisher Busch products are made from the sweat of these undesirables and the pristine James River water.^[2] The once ignoble one room classroom has since festooned into an urban jungle consisting of rampant pseudo-wissenschaftliche German super scientists hell bent on creating master leaders. The university strives to maintain academic malfeasance with respect to all forms of discrimination. No one is left out, whilst everyone is.

ODU was the most popular abused substance^[3] in the geographic area, hence the name of the university. There is no connection strongly attached to the former, or latter. The University was once threatened with litigation that would tear down the ideals the university was founded upon, but the Politburo flatly refused on the grounds that their whole purpose was to create illegitimate babies and homeless mothers, and if they were in fact made legal, what legalities would constrain them? Countless Chancellors sought to keep the university afloat amid the constant bantering betwixt the Heretics^[4] bemoaning such heresies as, academic excellence, integrity and the most putrid; honesty. Herr Doktor Rickterer James would be the one to lead the university into the light and make sure that the research carried out by him and his staff would see the famed instituition carried well into the future of cutting edge malignancy.

Past Chancellors as reported by the BBC

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• Walter Mondale

• Bill Clinton^[5]
• John Major
• Janet Reno
• Burger King
• Napoleon III
• Mr. T
• Matt Damon
• Ben Affleck
• Phil Collins
• Mr. Bigglesworth
• Barbara Streisand
• Chrono Trigger
• Brecht
• Crab People
• Tom Cruise
• Kittens
• Kafka
• Gestapo
• Marcus Aurelius
• Darth Sidious
• Rick James

[edit] Admissions

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To gain entrance into this facility you have spread your choice of DNA on toast and have it subjected to several needless Deutsch equations to determine the viability of your college performance. Be yee a woman, beast or man a detailed questionaire will not be required, because no one will read it. The validity of standardized testing such at the SAT^[6] is cause for no concern and if you have taken this test, please be warned that your admissions packet will be sent back to you at your incorrect address with the following requested items:

• Panties, God's Country Fried Steak, Assortment of DNA^[7]

ODU also accepts anyone with a pulse. This is bad news for zombies and other undead creatures, who are rejected because of their lack of pulse, which believe they have an equal right for a higher education even though ODU had a non-discriminatory policy.

[edit] Academics

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Majors

• German
• Pig Latin
• Underwater Basket Weaving
• Medieval Technologies
• Identity Theft
• Calculus
• Medical Malpractice
• Fiscal Irresponsibility
• Mismanagement Science
• Women’s Studies

More majors will be added as soon as we are able to extort more money from the gamete that birthed you.

[edit] Athletics

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Sports

The official sport of the university is Dungeons and Dragons because the university doesn’t own a Football team.

• Minge Hunting is popular. Varsity and Intramaternal teams are available.
• Basketball is shunned because there have been reports concerning the roundness of the ball.
• German Noun Team. This exciting Team has been recently formed to combat Verbs and their arch Rivals, the German Adjective Team.
• Baseball is only a fictional term, for we don’t know of any good use for it besides secret codes in Milf Hunting.
• Hockey has been approved by the Board for full contact death matches and sharpened sticks.
• UFC Fights have been sanctioned and student matches are held weekly.

[edit] Research

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Hot Topics

Kitten Huffing is once again a Hot Topic of research. The Siamese kittens are being researched as a viable alternative to the ever addictive orange cats. There has been speculation that the Kitten Industry has secretly been adding cat nip, to increase the adictive properties. The University has been working to strengthen the Kitten Industry's efforts to fuck people up, because of the Human benefits associated with more huffing. The human trials are set to begin in the Quad in three days, after the local SPCA rounds up enough feline volunteers.

Medical Waste has been recently determined to enhance the holiness of the Clap. Hypodermic needles, bloody sponges and used kittens are all being recycled for the glorification of his misanthropic majesty, Alexander the Great.

[edit] Demographics

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• 20% of the student population is considered to be a Eunuch
• 10% of the student population is considered to be White not Hispanic

The remaining 200% is whatever you consider yourself to be, if you are none of the above. I myself am Eunuch not Hispanic.

[edit] Honor Code

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"I hereby renounce my faith while simultaneously coveting anything holy, unholy, sacrificial, honorable, moral, politically correct, incorrect, or any manifestation, permutation, amalgamation, or any like minded transmogrification. or anthropomorphization is likewise approved. Furthermore, pursuant to facts not written, in any form of script, be it Sanskrit or Latin, will the act of giving and receiving help make you more sophisticated and demure. ^[8]

[edit] Fight Song

Boooz Boooz Boooz we love to drink our boooz, Boobs boobs boobs things we've never seen Cuz were all pretty damn gay!

[edit] The MagLev

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General Information

The MagLev, or Magical Levitating Machine, at Old Dominion University was a major leap forward in technology. Completed in 2000, the MagLev was single-handedly responsible for placing the Barter College of Making Crap in the top 2,000 Colleges of Making Crap. This placed them just above Virginia Tech and MIT. This also gained notariety for the ODU College of Making Crap thanks to their innovative work on the flying carpets that are used on the MagLev Machine.

[edit] Discrimination/Privacy Policies

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Discrimination Policy

You, State Name HERE, are hereby subject to all currently known, or yet to be known discriminations including, but not limited to: Personal Color,Gender,Race,Creed,Scrotum,Your Mom's Cooking, and IQ. Ostracizing is perfectly legal and will get you better grades and into the prestigious Fraternities and or Hermaphroditic Sororities. Despite popular belief, Jews, Dykes, and Whores are not to be shot on contact, but rather welcomed with open arms and given Gouda. Be it a high quality Gouda or a low grade Cheddar is of no concern to you. They are more important than you. ^[9]

Privacy Policy

Nothing is private, and Identity Theft is encouraged and is actually listed under IT 400 with Professor George Orwell. You will have the opportunity to spy on neighbors, read state secrets or sell your information on the Black Market. The university holds no one responsible for the misdeeds of none. The Thunder Cats will be on hand at all times supervising this policy. ^[10]

[edit] Contact Info

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Telephone

+011 34 222 554321 Fees not included. Answer not necessarily guaranteed. No warranty expressed or implied.

Email

Advancements in telepathy have rendered email useless and you'll be notified by a troupe of monkeys via their enormous brain capacity. When your bill is due and you don't get your information in a timely manner, you will be held responsible and required to torture yourself.

Address

Gott time machines, BTZ black hole formations, and choptuik scaling are integral bits of knowledge one would have to possess to find us. Certain people will find this easy. But for the sake of our at home audience, Milky Way will suffice.

[edit] See Also

• Education
• College
• Crack
• Girls Gone Wild

[edit] Notes and References

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