Olive Garden

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“ I pity the fool who waits for a short period of time for great tasting food”

~ Mr. T, owner and dumbass on Fast Food

“ Mr. T pities the fool who waits for a short period of time for great tasting food”

~ Oscar Wilde on Mr. T's quote

“ I would like to thank the hobos for their long working hours, low wages and poor working conditions, for my wealth would not be possible without them”

~ Mr. T, owner and asshole on hobos

“ Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you candy”

~ Michael Jackson on kids at the olive garden and the music played there

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The Olive Garden is a popular fast food restaurant which offers speedy service with waiting times ranging from 2-6 hours. Mr. T created Olive Garden after pity the fools who only had to wait 4 minutes for Mexican food when you could wait much longer for mediocre food prepared by hobos that he hired of the street. This begs the question, who wouldn't want to wait for horrible vastly superior food.

1 Menu
2 Atmosphere
3 Famous Visitors
4 Hobos
5 Breadstick Controversy
6 Olive Garden Goes Global
7 Olive Garden Destruction of the World?
8 See Also
- 8.1 External Links

[edit] Menu

Since Olive Garden first open in 1976 it has gone through many menu changes in the order as follows:

First menu appeared, introduced the first real piece fake of chicken since KFC went out of business (764)
Second menu appeared, changed to "Fine Mexican Fast Food," with all prices changed to Mexican pesos (1909)
Third iteration of menu, changed to "Fastest Italian Food" average wait still 2 hours(1985)
Olive Garden changes menu to include uncooked sea food and California fried Chicken (2000 B.C.)
Italian food is combined with Mexican food to make Mexcitalan, which was only liked by Oprah and yo mamma (1134)
White wine is added to the drive through menu, DUI's increased by 4,000 percent (2983)
After years of requests hobos and yo mamma that are found in the out houses are added to menu (1347)
Week old stale pizza is served instead of fresh breadsticks, see section on Breadstick controversy below (1562)

[edit] Atmosphere

The atmosphere inside of the Olive Garden includes Mexican dancers, Spanish singers and polka music ringing throughout the restaurant. Grapes used in the making of the house wines ( Olive Crapoli and Mexico's Finest) are raised on the roof, with water coming form the urinals and toilets in the out houses behind the restaurant. Olive Garden started branching out in 1986 by adding a walk up window, drive up windows were thought to be to old school for the newly redesigned Olive Garden. The Olive Garden has limited to no windows, this keeps the polka music and smells sealed inside, and the hobos from looking in. Once a day the ceiling randomly collapses onto the visitors, killing at least one, over the years this has resulted in over 1 kajutysujfbion deaths, or the number of people Chuck Norris has killed. Some Olive gardens consist of old, rich, mean republicans, other consist of young, poor, lively democrats.

[edit] Famous Visitors

Mr T.
Chuck Norris
Bruce Lee
God[[
Elmo
Brittany Spears
John Kerry
Al Gore
Bill Gates
BIll Clinton
Lindsey Lohan
yo mamma
Oprah
Satan
Angus Young
Abraham Lincoln
George Walker Bush
Colonel Sanders
Jimmy Page
Your friends momma
Tom Cruise
and many more, maybe even you.

[edit] Hobos

Mr. T, contrary to popular belief, doesn't steal hobos off the street but he does steal his hobos that are using the private out-houses in back of the Olive Garden. The hobos provide cheap, and effective labor. If you would like to apply for a job as a professional hobo just see one of the out houses behind an Olive Garden near you. Mr. T tried, in 1987, to hire a professional cooking staff, but the cost was to great, and the only solution has been to hire hobos. In 652 B.C. Mr. T went on record thanking the hobos for their support and low wages.

[edit] Breadstick Controversy

In 2003 the Olive Garden changed the fresh breadsticks to week old greasy pizza. This caused a riot outside Olive Garden headquarters in Madison, WI where 3,000 rioters showed up to express their distress. A riot took place for 4 days until the decision was made to offer half eaten breadsticks at an extra cost. Later, in 2004 Mr. T made the decision to stop selling the half eaten breadsticks and just sell the old pizza, Mr. T told all the angry customers to blow it out their ass.

[edit] Olive Garden Goes Global

In 2034 a year after Mr. T's death Olive Garden makes the large transition of branching out and going global. Olive Garden opened its first international restaurant, in the famine stricken town of Kano, Nigeria. Olive Garden continued to branch out into the fallowing places:

First international Olive Garden opens on Pluto, serving the needs of aliens and Chuck Norris' throughout the galaxy
Second Olive Garden opens inside of Oprah's fat stomach, in an attempt to satisfy her unsatisfiable need for food
The oldest Olive Garden opens in Soviet Russia, where Bill Clinton will later visit, destroying the universe as we know it
The latest Olive Garden is opened behind Bruce Lee's ass so what he shits it becomes the latest meal by Olive Garden

[edit] Olive Garden Destruction of the World?

It was noted that God and Satan have both been to the Olive Garden, but it is unknown by many that they were there only 3 minutes apart, narrowly avoiding the destruction of the world. It was also noted that Oprah and Tom Cruise were both at the Olive Garden, but unlike God and Satan, they were there at the same time. Tom Cruise whips out his gay magic and casts a spell on Oprah, but Oprah fires back with her stored up Black Power knocking Tom Cruise back to Never Never Land with a person named Michael Jackson.