Olsen Twins

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Famed from Bangkok to Kuala Lumpur, The Olsen Twins, Ingrid, Brunhilde and Yvette had by their 16th birthday conquered the Teen Fangirl market, and the Creepy Old Man market, but what had become of them?

“Holy shit there are two of them....AWESOME!”

~ Captain Obvious on Olsen Twins.

Contrary to popular belief, the trio were born identical twins, despite the fact that there is only enough body mass between the three of them to sustain the life of one and a half people. Therefore, they share.

In early June 1972, American President Michael Jordan (no affiliation with the Nissan Sentra or the iPod), paid for their genome to be altered by time-traveling Nazis. The operation was initially intended to gain insight into the nanotechnology behind extreme cuteness and the true origins of pedophelia.

Mary is currently dating Trump-heiress Paris Hilton (no relation to the Olympic ice skater of the same name).

Due to technical limitations on the Uncyclopedia hardware, changes in the space-time continuum are not yet accurately reflected in the rest of this article. You can help by donating.

Ingrid, Brunhilde and Yvette

1 Prehistory of the Twins
2 The Wonder Years
3 The Fall
4 The Recovery: Admitting You Have A Problem
5 Future
6 The Olsen Twin's Biggest Secret
7 Not to be Confused with

[edit] Prehistory of the Twins

The twins were born in 1254 B.C. from a freak mating between Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper, this unholiest of matings produced the most vile of all evil, the Olsen Twins. Initially their rampages were kept to a minimum by the desolation of the tundra upon which they had been spawned, however Bob Saget the dark lord of Sit Com staggered Drunk and Naked into their village after a week long bender and immediately hired them to portray Dave Coulier in his new Soviet Broadcasting Channel (CCCbackwards R backwards BXP) program "The Dark Winter, and the Fat Dog" a melodramatic passion play about the tragedy of the Proletariat and the Tastiness of Canis Lupus.

[edit] The Wonder Years

The Twins continued their role as Dave Coulier until the program ended its 8569 episode run in the fall of 1929. It is believed that this final episode is the cause of the Great Depression, when roughly 85.965% of the population of the Earth was afflicted by the painful Turns You Inside Out and Hurts a Damn Lot Disease. The disease is caused by being Poor. The Olsen Twins tried to survive by doing whatever acting they could. However, they were never paid as their work always ended up on the cutting room floor. (Some of these scenes were finally picked up and used years later in the film that compiled dozens of preteens-on-the-floor moments, the film Preteen Slut VII: The Pedophile Trap). The Twins however managed to stave off the Disease by retreating to San Simean and eating nothing but newborn kitten huffing, and bathing in the medicinal blood of DoDo birds and Coeclanth fishes.

[edit] The Fall

The Twins could not survive one simple fact of life: the eventual turning of 18. Whereupon they immediately lost both fanbases, and the Little Girls saw them as Adults or, as they call them, "Biggers". The Little Girls' leech-like talons immediately unlatched from the Twins and began to seek out new peechy-keen role model material. The Creepy Old Men, also seeing the girls as adults (or, put simply, "legal"), saw no point in continuing to lust after them as they were no longer the forbidden fruit and they no longer possessed the dangerous but alluring cuteness of preteenhood.

[edit] The Recovery: Admitting You Have A Problem

After the fall the twins fell into a deep depression, Ingrid ceased eating, and eventually disentegrated into sawdust, Brunhilde was blown up in the 20X6 X Games in the Hot New sport of Nitroglycerin tank Wrestling. Only Yvette has gone on to continued success, portraying Ozzy Osbourne's son in the documentary about their life. Jealous of their sister's success, Ingrid and Brunhilde came back from the Underworld and produced their biggest Oscar-winning fart yet: New Pork Meat. Slapped in the face, Yvette changed her name to Jack and moved in with the Osbournes as Sharon's son's-brother-fifth-cousin-by-divorce. Jack is very happy with her new life and currently resides with the Osbournes in wherever they live. Ingrid and Brunhilde are happy too, and these days are also known as Ashley-Kate and Mary Olsen. They are currently uncyclopaedia's favourite and hottest stars: rock onnn babes>>keep on farting on the free world!!

[edit] Future

At this point, nothing less than their incestuous hot lezbo home movie could garner them any more money on the home video market than they already have.

[edit] The Olsen Twin's Biggest Secret

They're not identical twins, they're fraternal twins. And they are actually Siamese Triplets, joined at the anklets. Also Beastman is the father of Ashley, but not Mary Kate.