Olympics
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“Ahh the Olympics, the only time when countries can live in peace by proving that they're so much better than other countries”
~ Oscar Wilde on Peaceful Rivalry
Olympics is a brand of widely popular cameras produced by Mt. Olympus Film Co. est. 1337 BW (Before Waffles). They are responsible for the most popular camera in the World, the 102mm digital Lake Placid. Zeus the president and CEO of the company, is terribly sensitive to criticism of his film, and has been known to smite people with a lightning bolt if they speak ill of the cameras.
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[edit] History
When the Ancient Greek pantheon realised that they were losing ground to more popular religions (see satanism) they decided to re-evaluate their business model. The pantheon held a board meeting (Hermes and Bacchus weren't told) they came up with a smashing plan to diversify into other businesses. The market for film was wide open, seeing as the camera wasn't invented for another 10000 years by Andy Worhol. So They went virtually uncontested in the market for several hundred years.
It was not all well and good though, production of the cameras was rigorous, needing Haefestus to run the forges night and day. Suddenly 300 years after their venture began, imitation Olympics began appearing on the market, these cheap knock-offs were made by the Roman pantheon lead by Jupiter. Mt. Olympus Co. could not keep up with the production rates of this new upstart, their parts being made in Taiwan with the blood of slave children. So the Olympics brand was not seen for many many years, until Jesus defeated the Romans and their imitation cameras. (That and Taiwan was running out of slaves). Now Mt. Olympus Co. is established as one of the largest and most profitable camera manufacturers with its flagship product, the Olympics, leading the way in innovation.
[edit] Ants
The 1936 Olympiad is best remembered as Adolf Hitler's failed attempt to ban ants from participating. Serector Zob, an American ant, raced Heimler Himmler in the 2 inch dash and won the gold, leaving the German, Himmler, to take second. Hitler was so displeased with the event that he left the Olympics early and would not take dinner in his study as usual. He opted to eat cheese and crackers in bed while he cried the night through and woke up abruptly after peeing in the bed. Zob went on to invent the Money Tree. Himmler became a stripper in a Burmese Army Base.
[edit] Recent ventures by Mt. Olympus Co.
In recent years, Mt. Olympus Co. have expanded their business portfolio to include the production of stationary made papyrus. This has put them into competition with Apple and their notebooks. In order to get ahead, Mt. Olympus Co. have recently endeavoured into a lucrative sponsorship contract with Little Athletics. Conditions of these contracts are reported to be that these athletics carnivals can only be held every two years (to coincide with camera production), and take place in Winter and Summer alternatively. The most controversial aspect however, is the changing of the name of the carnivals from 'Little A's' or 'Little Ath's' (depending on the location), to 'The Games of Mt. Olympus Co.' or 'Olympic Games'.
[edit] Performance-Enhancing Drugs at The Olympics
The Olympics governing body has taken great pains in trying to eliminate drug use at the games, in an effort to promote the good image of sport. Unfortunately, this has the side effect of making the Games much more boring than they otherwise would be. Several commentators have put forward the idea of running two separate Games side by side - the 'drug-free' Olympics and the 'neck whatever the hell you feel like' Olympics. Studies suggest that this might lead to a far more spectator-friendly event with the mile run in 3 seconds, cyclists travelling at mach 1 and swimmers completing 100 lengths without surfacing for air after being injected with whale DNA.
[edit] Bigdong 2008 Olympic Games
The next 'Summery Games' will be Bigdong 2008 Olympic Games. Officially known as the Little Ath's Games of the Mt Olympus Photographic Co., will be held in Bigdong, China from 8.30am August 8, 2008 to 12.30pm August 8, 2008, with the opening ceremony to take place at 8am on August 8, 2008 (08-08-08-08; the number 8 is associated with Erectile Dysfunction in some cultures).
[edit] London 2012 Olympic Games
London is going to be hosting the 2012 Olympic Games and already they have managed to make a balls of it by designing a logo obviously refers to the sexual act of fellatio. They still have 4 more years to clean up their act and remove all sexual innuendos from the game, with the exception of women's gymnastics. Many have criticised this attempt to "clean up" the games claiming that the few cheap laughs they give may actually encourage people to watch it instead of throwing their televisions out the window upon realising that the only thing that is on every channel are people running around in circles, throwing things or swimming. People who like the logo are often referred to as 'communist bastards'.
[edit] Bunclody 2016 Olympics
Since being granted the honour of hosting the Olympics in 2016, this town in Ireland has invested €3 billion in improving its infrastructre. This has seen the construction of seven sports stadia to cope with the diverse array of events. A motorway and an airport have also been built to accommodate athletes and and spectators.
[edit] Olympic rules
There are a number of little-known rules that are very rarely used by athletes:
- In the final of the mens 100m, the lane on which a competitor runs legally becomes the territory of his nation.
- In the Javelin, the use of actual javelins is not required - in the 1974 games, a Canadian athlete tried using a horse.
- Any baby born inside the main stadium during the course of the games gains diplomatic immunity. For life.
- In the case of death during an event, the late athlete's nation gets double points.
[edit] See also
- Winter Olympics
- Ancient Commonwealth Games
- Ancient Greek
- Drunk Olympics
- Epilepsy
- Eyebrow olympics
- Extreme Torch Relay
Freaks and Greeks
