Operation Canadian Bacon
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Operation Canadian Bacon was the code name for America's secret war with Canada during the 1960's and early 1970's. Many young men were drafted for this war. To conceal the war, Americans were told that there was a war in some place called Vietnam.
[edit] Origins
In October 1962, when John F. Kennedy was President he porked everything and anything that moved. This is why, in pictures, his cabinet is always seen sitting very very still.
After having Marilyn Monroe killed in what appeared to be a freak pedestrian accident, he moved on to Canadian women. Trouble started when he wanted to pork famous Canadian intellectual and Rhodes Scholar Pamela Anderson. Pamela turned him down, reportedly saying "Who thinks he's handsome? I mean, look at his face - it looks like somebody smashed it flat with a meat paddle".
Outraged at the insult, JFK had no choice but to declare war on Canada. He also banned the use of meat paddles and had the memory of the incident, as well as meat paddles, erased from everyone's mind. He did this by digging up Marilyn Monroe and forced the beleaguered nation to listen to her singing.
[edit] The War
JFK used the draft to gain recruits for his war. The war was fought hand-to-hand because it's too cold in Canada to hold onto something metal like a gun.
While drafted soldiers were surprised to find themselves in Canada, no one was more surprised than the draft evaders, let me tell you.
[edit] Criticism of the War
Some have asked why the soldiers didn't wear gloves so that they could handle metal objects. To those critics we answer, shut the fuck up.
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