Optical Mouses

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Mouses taste good for breakfast!”

~ The Hulk on Optical mouses

“Oops, I clicked it again!”

~ Britney Spears on Optical mouses

An Optical mouse is a small amphibious creature native to the hardwareforests of Uzbekistan. As in any animal you have male and female forms. Male forms are the dominant genders, You can recognise them by their black colour. Females on the other hand are white.

Any other colour of mouse is probably Transsexual (The Brighter forms) or A-sexual which are ofcourse dark. Optical mouses of course also have buttons but in this species it has not evolved to do anything usefull.

Optical mouses live in the forests of Uzbekistan, where they swing from tree to tree by their very long tails which will vary in length, between one meter or 1,5 meter. Unlike traditional mouses, Optical mouses, in a similar fashion to Monkeys, use their tails to hang onto tree branches. It is here, high in the bushy pubic overgrowth, that the Optical mouse makes its abode. Its favourite tree to inhabit is the famed CPU tree of Uzbekistan.

If you remove the previously mentioned tail it will die a slow and excrutiangly painfull death which you can recognise by beeps that sound a lot like "PLEASE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!"

An Optical mouse has another good trait which is called an. LLOD, Laser Light of Death. This is a surprisingly bright red beam of L.A.S.E.R. emanating from the mouse's underside that it uses to devour his prey. Thusforth, the next section is on how the Optical mouse feeds.

[edit] Feeding habits of optical mouses.

Optical Mouses feed on ball mouses which don't differ much from Optical mouses They are seen in the same variety of shapes and colours but they have a little ball inside of them, which is an evolutionary problem. To catch another mouse the optical mouse hides in a [ramchipplant.] and will go invisible much like a Chameleon. When a ball mouse slides by. The optical mouse will use it's magnificent tail to grab the ball mouses neck and strangle him. After that the ball mouse has an extraordinary feeling of pain and gets his ball ripped off, which the Optical mouse will devour by shining it's light on it.

[edit] Enemies of the optical mouse

The Optical mouse has several Enemies

[edit] The Keyboard

Keyboards are another dominant predator species of the Uzbekistanic forests. They will hide in a pile of ram chips and not move from there. As soon as an optical mouse arrives to hunt his own prey. Though bulky, their bewildering array of keys and the speed at which it can pounce make this one of the most formidable creatures in the hardware forest. The Keyboard's secondary form of attack is its whip like tale, with a small usb connector at the end. Taking a hit from one of these will kill. The keyboard will strike by digesting the mouse slowly once for every key on the board.

[edit] The wireless mouse

The Wireless Mouse is a ground creature. They use their very hulky mass of metal to roll all around the forest looking for plants to eat. But taking the fact Optical Mouses do not have Eyes they will not see any creatures pass trough the woods. And roll over anything they see

[edit] The Lasermouse

Lasermouses are a form of birds. They spread their buttons to fly much like Musquitos. A soft buzzing sound is heard if they apprach you. With the many buttons grown into this form of mouse they can sent out small cables to suck their victims dry. If a Lasermouse finds a female optical mouse it will capture and take it to his lair to make it a pleasure slave, All Lasermouses are Male no exceptions.

[edit] Humans

Humans do not eat Mouses and are a common enemy of all the creatures in the forest. If the creatures detect any form of humans in the forest they will let out a shrilling beep and play dead, Since dead Lizards are no use to humans. Humans generally capture mouses and keyboards to link them to monitors and hubs, who are ofcourse native to Alaska

[edit] The mating habits of optical mouses

Something we'd rather not talk about. The mating If an optical mouse feels the urge to Reproduce it will go look for a female. Females will never look for males since females are the lesser genders. Or captured as slaves for Lasermouses or Humans. When the Male mouse finds a female mouse it will roll on it's back and sent out lightsignals much like the LLOD just we call this the LLOL (Laser light of Lust). If the female fancys the male it will slowly creep towards it and climb on top of it.

Their lights will interact thus creating a small mouse better known as a Minimouse or Touchpad.