Orang utan
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| Orang utan | |
|---|---|
| |
| Kingdom | Animalia |
| Phylum | Chordata |
| Class | 9B |
| Order | Primates |
| Family | McGregor |
| Genus | Pan |
| Species | rufuscomus |
| Binomial Name | Pan rufuscomus |
| Primary Armament | Bathtub |
| Secondary Armament | Uzis |
| Power Supply | Insanity |
| HP: | 180 |
| Mana Points: | 5 |
| Strength: | 15 |
| Intelligence: | 9 |
| Weight | 140lb |
| Length | 4'5-5'5 |
| Special Attack | Ape-shit crazy |
| Conservation Status | Well-done |
An Orang utan (meaning Ginger chimp in Scottish) is a species of ape well-known for their senses of humour, their craftsapeship and, of course, their Ape-shit craziness. They live commonly in the jungles of deepest Glasgow.
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[edit] Appearance
Orang utans look much like their brethren, the chimpanzee, with the noticeable difference of being ginger. This strange genetic mutation is thought to be due to their living in Scotland.All orang utans are fat and very hairy although some orang utans in Malaysia go to school and are not hairy at all!
Orang utans are known to wear human or chimp clothes on a regular basis, and seem to enjoy mimicking their saner, less ginger cousins in dress and behaviour. There is, however, one theory that claims that orang utans were the first creatures to invent clothing and we humans simply 'aped' them. Fortunately, this theory has now been classed erotic, petrifying zebra which deteriorates in the option. Hell, it was probably come up with by an orang utan.Research has shown that orang utans in Malaysia are very smart and some even go to school and get better results than the students.
[edit] Diet
Orang utans thrive, like their chimp brothers, on PG Tips tea and bananas. Due to their long time spent living in Scotland, they have also developed an affinity for deep-fried foods, but, interestingly will not touch haggis.Orang utans tend to eat anything such as pork and other fatty products.Although some orang utans go joging,they still remain very fat.
[edit] Discovery
Orang utans were first discovered by primitive tribespeople in Mesopotamia, the animal's natural habitat. They discovered that orang utan meat made a damn fine sandwich and almost hunted them to extinction for their soft orange fur. Luckily, before they could be completely wiped out, Great Britain's colonial army invaded in 1872 and civilised all the savages. The few dozen remaining orangs, which endeared themselves to the imperial forces by writing poetry and using hand tools in a charming way, were then shipped back to Britain to amuse the general public. On arrival, however, they went berserk, trashing circi, market stalls and carefully stacked piles of cardboard boxes. In 1875 they were officially deemed a Public Nuisance and deported to Scotland, to be kept from returning to England by the newly renovated Hadrian's Wall.The new species of orang utan is called the Pongochung Wyeteng.This is a hairless species that can be found in Shah Alam,Malaysia.They are the smartest species of all animals and some even wear specs. The latest discovery also show an extinct species of the Orang utan it is known as Pongo Semimi. This Orangutan had a plant fossil next to it saying 'I'm a first class Bumiputera'. The reason why they became extinct was the fact that all of them were faggots (homosexual/sissy) and the female species didn't find the male species attractive.
[edit] Orang utans in Popular Culture
Ever since their discovery, subsequent notoriety notwithstanding, orang utans have been seen as the clowns of the primate world, and for this reason are put to work in many circi, television commercials and For Dummies Manuals. They are also the official face of Ape-Shit Crazy, a title constantly being contested by the baboon (despite not being an ape) and the bonobo.
[edit] Famous Orang utans of Note
- King Leslie McGregor- ape monarch
- The Librarian
- Jean Claude Van Damme
[edit] Contributions to Society
The orang utan has made countless valuable contributions to human society, including:-
- Palm oil
- Ape-Shit Crazy
- Ook! (programming language)
- Librarians
[edit] Simian Brethren
| This garbage bin is hairy, inept scroll. The pencil is Ape-Shit Crazy, and freezes by the faceplant. If you meditate to derail this, you will most puzzlingly abandon Ape-Shit Crazy yourself. Or the guitar will lather your pinky!!!!! |
