Organization XIII
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“If Heartless have no bodies, then how come Nobodies have no hearts?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Organization XIII at Kingdom Hearts Philosophical Convention 2006
“True, we don't have hearts. But we remember what it was like...and that makes us special.”
~ Saïx on Nobodies
“Bow chicka bow wow!”
~ Private Tucker on the above quote and the Organization in general
“Fucking ripoffs.”
~ Nobody on Organization XIII
“I could say it, but it's just too easy.”
~ Xemnas on the fact that Nobody cares about the above quote
“That scent...you're another 'Nobody.'”
“More like "Orgy XIII”
~ Roxas on Inappropriate relationships in Organization XIII
Organization XIII was once a third-party equal-opportunity employer sect of Disney. In recent years, the ties have been broken by the two companies due to recent scandals involving leaked photos of the Organization doing super secret MEMBERS ONLY 18 OR OLDER stuff, and after two lawsuits, the Organization broke all ties with Disney. From then on, Organization XIII became known as an international terrorist group, whose purpose is to carry out the divine message of the Kingdom Hearts salon through bloodshed, smokeshed, and skinshed. The members still retained their homoerotic and paraphalic qualities, even until their deaths at the hands of generic uprising/resitance groups.
Today, Organization XIII is out of commission, all of its members having been either killed by Sora the great multi-tasking Bounty Hunter or his totally hot-for-him friend Riku. Attempts to counterattack rebellion forces by the Organization's allies have been for the most part quelled by intergalactic peace forces GameShark and Action Replay.
P.S. Not to be confused with Organisation XXX, a sub-division of Organsation XIII. Its general aim is to seek out the Princesses of Heart and insert their keyblades into their keyholes.
Contents |
[edit] Origins
The Organization (back then known as the FF Rejects) was founded in the late 1990s in Hollow Bastion by Xehanort, who whined and ranted about how cool his hair was and how he should've been in one of the Final Fantasy games. The headquarters back then for the FF Rejects was in an undisclosed location somewhere beneath Hollow Bastion; the place was a small bedroom that housed all of Xehanort's Emo tools.
He befriended Braig (now Xigbar) because he pitied Xehanort's succulent hair, and the two often met in Xehanort's secret hideout to draw fanart and death threats to the producers of Final Fantasy, sending their manifestos to the local post office. Eventually, Dilan (Xaldin), Even (Vexen), Elaeus (Lexaeus), and Ienzo (Zexion) joined the FF Rejects and started doing more controversial things around the neighborhood of Hollow Bastion, some activities nearly traumatizing citizens Yuffie Kisaragi, Squall Leonheart, Cloud Strife and Aeris Gainsborough. Investigators (Winnie the Pooh and friends) say there was a link between this erratic behavior, Xehanort's sudden flamboyant fashion sense, and people lining up outside his secret location to pet a newly-discovered creature called a Heartless. The FF Rejects' behavior eventually and illogically turned them into a new species, Nobodies, and with their newfound powers, they set up a headquarters in The World That Never Was, affectionately called Fort Mansex or the Castle That Never Was.
[edit] Members
[edit] Mansex
Mansex , formerly known as Xehanort, was the founder of the Organization XIII. His original name, Xehanort, is actually an alias that he used to hide his currently unknown true name. The alias is an anagram of "Rent a ho" with an "X" added. Theories on his true name range from Terra to Kenneth. Originally he was the bitch of Ansem the Wise, who would repeatedly mumble at the young Xehanort in Christopher Lee's voice, which was quite disturbing to Hollow Bastion's residents. After this hard start in life, Xehanort climbed the ranks to become the favored student of Ansem.
In this role, he made frequent (scientific) advances towards the old fogey. However, Ansem rejected his advances and frequently criticized his ideas and hair style. Because of this, Xehanort mutilated the geezer's mug and took his place as guru of the FF Rejects, consequently losing all trust in his mentor. The six members of the FF Rejects at the time conducted experiments on drugs and getting high, resulting in Xehanort one day having a hazy hallucination about discovering a prototype black actor-thing in their super-secret basement lab. This creature exerted human-like qualities, and Xehanort, in his hallucination, decided to keep it as a pet.
After the discovery of the black creature, Xehanort and his friends kept the blackface actor-thing in secret, knowing that Ansem the Wise would not approve because of the ad hominem attitude towards his hair. This act of charity soon turned out to be disastrous, as pretty soon Xehanort started showing signs of becoming flamboyantly gay and frotteurism with the other FF Rejects. As the blackface actor-things multiplied in number for no logical reason, Xehanort was diagnosed to be terminally ill and horny. As a last resort, he developed an antidote to counter his homosexuality, but ultimately it split Xehanort's soul from his body. His soul became the sexy brown-skinned Ansem and his body became the floppy-haired Xemnas.
Mansex despised all beings with hearts and, more particularly, those with hair styles to match his own. His master plan was to have Sora, Goofy, Donald Duck, and Mr. T to destroy the Heartless, which released hair back to the great Kingdom Hearts hair salon in the sky.
In the legendary battle of Fort Mansex, Superior, in his pimpin' zebra nightgown, fought Sora, Riku, and 10,000 other American Union Soldiers in Fort Mansex/The Castle that Never Was, then in a 4D Simulation room at the Theme Park that Never Was. After five-thousand troop casualties, many Nobodies slain and suffering multiple stab wounds in the groin, he died at 12:00 PM sharp on March 28, 2006. The battle was a victory for the American Union, and this put the Nobodies at a great disadvantage. In the following ten-second battle of #BH90210, the remaining Nobody sect was whooped good by Sora and Riku. Traditional celebration such as implied gay sex ensued afterwards.
Mansex's primary weapons were mainly stolen from Darth Vader's food pantry located on Endor, which were two bitching Lightsabers handcrafted by the world-renown blacksmith George Lucas. Since Mansex was also the Superior, he had many other powers and weapons from the other Nobodies at his disposal, such as the Pimp Cane of Void, a minigun that shoots uranium-enriched lasers, and, as far as his name pronunciation goes, his wang. Don't ask, please.
[edit] Xigbar
Xigbar (??? ????? Bigrax "Xiggy" Stardust?) was the second member of the Organization, dubbed "Hank J. Wimbledon" for his death-defying gunslinging skills. He was originally Xehanort's friend Braig, but after turning into an expert top and bottom, and accidentally shooting himself in the eye, he became both a Nobody and a Heartless.
Xigbar was supposed to be the second-in-command alongside Xemnas, but the Superior refused his presence, giving himself to Saix instead. Xigbar took out his anger by supposedly raping people, especially in the case of raping Marluxia into joining the Organization. He eventually stopped and shunned his old ways, instead practicing safe sex and proper gun control, as well as learning went to shoot his load off.
In the battle of Fort Mansex, Xigbar allegedly killed 200 American Union soldiers with his wicked guns and a large trendy tote bag before he choked on a stray bullet and died on March 28, 2006. As one survivor put it, "It was like watching that Homsar guy from HomestarRunner.com walk around the ceiling and shoot people with a gravity-defying hat," before being devoured by a lesser Nobody.
Controversy still surrounds his death as he is implied to have a role in the Kennedy Assassination, though there is not enough evidence to disprove the fact that he might have been in another alternate universe depicting the JFK Assassination; a total of 550 alternate universes are still under investigation for clues leading to Xigbar being the culprit of at least one Kennedy being assassinated. Seems to have a pickle fettish and often dresses up as one to follow up sexual desires. I LIEK PICKELZ *NOM NOM NOM*.
[edit] Xaldin
Xaldin (??????? Captain Fuckin' Xaldin?) was the third member of the Organization, and "The Guy With the Beefy Sideburns". Originally, he was Dilan, a friend of Xehanort, and was affected by the blackface actor-thing in Hollow Bastion. After falling ill to a disease known for the person obsessing in phallic imagery, Xaldin came into existence from his body while his soul was crippled somewhere else.
Like the members before him, Xaldin took good care of his dreadlocks and sideburns, even when engaging in sexual intercourse among his peers. He was one of the more serious of the Organization, planning ahead on the use of sexual appendages and deceiving Presidents into believing that everything is fine and nothing is ruined.
He was the perpetrator behind the attempted assassination against Avenged Sevenfold during which they sang the 80's classic "Beast and the Harlot" in a concert somewhere in Ye Olde Europe. He attempted to throw a phallic object at lead bargler M. Shadows, (the M standing for your Mom) but missed and killed a random person in the crowd. His cover was blown, and he started the chain of controversy surrounding Organization XIII's status as an equal-opportunity employer.
Xaldin attempted to assassinate Avenge Sevenfold again, this time in a little town in Ye Olde Europe, playing a private concert for a young girl and her manbearfriend. After sketchy details of him unsuccessfully trying to sever the lead guitarist's head, and ruining the manbearfriend's rose garden, Xaldin was clawed to death on March 27, 2006. The suspect has never been found.
Xaldin possessed the power of changing wind currents, weather, air pressure, humidity, global warming, sugar crop growing, metal lance-like objects, and dish washing. His powers were only effective when using his six handcrafted metal lances that vaguely resembled phallic objects. With these lances, Xaldin could call forth and screw up news forecasts and deliberately run meteorologists out of the town, or engage in painful acts of penetration with another person. Xaldin also has more weapons than you~!
[edit] Vexen
- Main article/pathological lie: Vexen
Vexen (??????? Brian Peppers?, Vixen) is number IV of Organization XIII, "The Wendy's Chilly". Despite his name, Vexen controls the element of Ice (He usually can be found making ice dildos for Mansex (Xemnas) in the basement of Castle Oblivion). "Vexen" is "Eve" with a "X" and "N" added to suppress the theory's of him being the Eve from Adam and Eve with a sex change, which he has no comment on. He said 'No comment' himself! He is one of the oldest in the Organization, proven so by the fact he has to stick it in slow multiple times during sex with the Riku Sex Doll he made to even get a semi. He uses a shield made of Ice, (which has a cross on it for reasons unknown to Vexen) which he hides behind during battle because he's a pussy son of a bitch, proven by the fact that Marluxia intimidated him into killing (or trying to kill) Sora, on the threat of having tea with Xemnas. Vexen developed a fear of cake after an unfortunate run-in with with the LazyTown cake song.
He was killed by Axel for trying to molest Sora.
[edit] Lexaeus
“IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAND!”
~ Vegeta on Lexaeus's power level.
“WHAT, NINE-THOUSAND?!?!”
~ Riku on the above quote, immediately before getting his ass kicked
Number V is Lexaeus (?????? Lexus?), "The Carpet Hero", named for his performance on the floor with Zexion. He is, in fact, butt-buddies with Zexion, Lexaeus being the top. Lexaeus controls the element of earth, using a giant tomahawk (it has been confirmed by Zexion that Lexaeus is not overcompensating. Lexaeus used to be in a circus as a "strong man" act, but then joined Zexion's fame-hunt.
Before his death, Lexaeus enjoyed games such as: Final Fantasy (all 95 thousand of them), Halo, and games with characters with big swords. His hero is the renowned wrestler Rakishi, who he regularly watches on WWE tv shows. This would explain his attitude towards his large physique, as well as some of his special techniques. It has been claimed that his reported scandal with Zexion was simply training for using his 'special technique'. This was later proven wrong, however, as investigators witnessed what was definitely an act of bihomophobgaysexualivagina. Investigators were reportedly '5c4rR3D f0R L1f3 U 5+uP1D h4xXx0R n008!!!!!11!11!!!1!'He <3s his rock.
He died when a boy named Riku stabbed him for trying to touch his ass.
[edit] Zexion
Zexion is number VI of Organization XIII, known for his so-called element, "illusion" and his book of magic parlor tricks. Zexion was once a little-known emo-magician (Named I. Z. Eno) working in Vegas, striving to reach the peak of fame. He was visited by Mansex, who claimed he could give him all he wanted. Zexion soon became consumed by greed and spaghettiOs and turned into a Heartless and a Nobody. His talents involve cooking (much better than Xaldins "Stewed Sideburns"), cleaning, being a carpet-biter, cutting himself, being emo, reading anime and manga, and being a visitor to xtube. He installed all of the laser security systems surrounding Castle Oblivion, but due to a terrible design flaw, is only able to switch them on for 19 minutes at a time each day, due to the fact that he got Lexaeus to construct the batteries.
He has been voted "Zexiest Man in the Organization" at least fifty-two times in a row. When rival contender, Davey Havok beat Zexion in the award in 2002, Zexion allegedly assaulted Davey Havok.
In Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, Zexion has the distinction of being the only character who nobody ever fights. He instead uses immensley complicated plans to get his way. He started by the using the Riku Replica which Vexen constructed to start statue busking in Traverse Town to earn munny to build a liquid wall in Castle Oblivion that required a 4-digit passcode in order to turn to liquid so people could walk through it, but Zexion lost the passcode after the real Riku stole it from the under the stone turtle in Castle Oblivion's front garden. So Zexion sicked the members of his internet form on Riku, but given the fact that they were all pimply, greasy-haired nerds, Riku was able to defeat them easily. Zexion decided to sell all of Organization XIII's funds to purchase a laser superweapon that he attached to the moon, but unfortunately, the laser tracking system was badly damaged by the meteor impact, causing the laser to accidentally blow up a small island, causing an earthquake, which in turn caused the Boxing Day Tsunami. Sora defeated Marluxia, and Lexaeus was sent to Hogwarts to complete his degree in gruefecology, so Zexion was left alone. He started exporting his pocket munny to illegal circuses that could be fumigated with toxic gas at any time, to act as a trap for Riku. However, Riku instead lured Zexion into the circus and switched all of the big-top's lights off when Zexion was inside, causing Zexion's right leg and both arms to be eaten by a grue. Zexion then entered cosmetic surgery to regain his lost limbs. After hours and hours of questing, Zexion travelled back in time using his Spondoolicator to prevent Riku from even being born, but he forgot his only weakness; he's a nerd. Even the baby Riku defeated Zexion, making Zexion so depressed that he ran away to Romanina to study dragons. He has looks rivaling long time emo dude Sasuke Uchiha and his sexy brother Itachi Uchiha. He goes bat fuck insane when you touch his hair and obviously, fan girls everywhar are giddy whenevar he appears on MTV.
Zexion now resides in Castle Oblivion with his butt-buddy and 'partner', Moni, who was his partner during his show.
Bastard. You woke Zexion up.
[edit] Saïx
 | This article is complete, irredeemable attorney. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, and mystifies at the forefinger. If you attempt to mollify this, you will most grumpily calcify Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will absolve your brisket!!!!!! |
“So, are you guys gonna f*** me now or what?”
~ Saïx on Xemnas
“Very Soon.”
~ Xemnas on Above
“How I've waited to hear that..”
~ Saïx on Above
Saïx (?????? Secks?) was number VII of Organization XIII, nicknamed "The Loony Divider" for his tendency to go Bat Fuck Insane when exposed to any moon whatsoever and become a complete, irredeemable Zweïhander. He was recruited into the Organization when Xemnas accidentally teleported into a bondage club and split the formers face open with his lightsaber. This split the hot-tempered Paraphiliac into a Heartless and the scarred Saïx. Needless to say, the two sociopaths hit it off almost immediately, and he was inducted into the Organization post-haste.
He was the personal bitch of Gabriel and often argued with Alfred on being second in command of the Organization. It is presumed that he was the offspring of a werewolf and Hannibal Lecter, which would explain why he's such an evil bastard. In any case, he enjoyed screwing around with the minds of androgynous boys and kidnapping high school girls from flaming homos.
He was responsible for dragging Sora into the Orgy's convoluted - and utterly implausible - scheme to steal the hearts and minds of everyone in the universe by designing and building the Kingdom Hearts salon for Xemnas. Of course, the boy had better things to do than play the role of patsy and quickly crushed his gonads, which the man ironically enjoyed for the most part. Saïx died on March 28, 2006 at the battle of Fort Mansex in a slow and agonizing manner, pining for his lost masculinity.
As previously mentioned, he would become Bat Fuck Insane when exposed to moonlight, and in this state, used an enormous spiked Pimp Cane similar to Xemnas' to pimp slap people. The Pimp Cane was Solar powered, which explained the consistent low battery life it possessed due to the World That Never Was always being in moonlight. Contradictory to Saïx's fighting style, this rendered the Pimp Cane almost useless for most of the time, and so the only way for him to fight was to transform into a werewolf, werelion, or weregorilla, (via the moon or being mooned, and depending on how horny Saïx was) and eat the shit out of people. He doesn't want to go on a mission superior. Leave it at that.
[edit] Axel
“Nobody would miss me...”
~ Roxas on Teen angst
“That's not true!...I'd miss you”
~ Axel on Roxas
“I wanted to see Roxas. He was the only one I ever liked. He made me feel like I had a heart..."”
~ Axel on Roxaphelia
“That is the single most gayest quote, EVA!”
~ Sora on the above quote
“ You are the single most gayest quote EVA!11!!!shift1ELEVEN!}”
~ Axel, the quote above this quote
“In Soviet Russia, Roxas rapes YOU!!”
~ Soviet Russia on Axel
“Ohhh, you fuckin' messing' with Roxas now? Well, I might just have to kill you.”
~ User:Judge Zarbi on how retarded Soviet Russia actually is.
Axel is, you guessed it, the VIIIth member of Organization XIII, and "The McFlurry of Dancing Flames." There's a double meaning there, and if you can't figure it out, well then you must be retarded. Anyway, he took the name Axel for two main reasons: it was much cooler than his original name of Ale/Lea/Ael/Reno, and he discovered that he could turn hubcaps--along with other various car parts--into deadly weapons by dousing them in oil and setting them on fire. He also idolized Axl Rose, and would often burst out into GNR songs in public. One time he got beat up and arrested by YMCA group (the Young Masturbators Cocaine Addicts). He is quite an odd character: he lashes out at gays and traitors to the Organization, yet is himself bisexual (as are most of the members of the group) and constantly fucks around with their plans when he thinks no one is looking. He pretended to be Marluxia's servant and killed Vexen, but then released that emo girl Naminé just to stop him from redecorating the World That Never Was with white roses.
He is also the main icon of McDonalds
Axel was originally named "Alanse" but was shortened to Ale. (as Alanse does not mix well when muddled up and given an "X", as X converts his name to Analsex.)
You defiantly dont wanna mess with his fangirls. They can AND WILL rip you to pieces. axel anit guy he gest like to get in touch with his female part of him And if your all lucky you can meet his hole gang......lol(tanyayou know)
[edit] Demyx
ORGANIZATIONS BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“You win”
~ ShadowLink on Demyx
Demyx (?????? DMX?) was known as the "Sugar-Happy Prankster", known for his stupidity and obliviousness to certain things, not to mention his sexual naivety. He is the freakest fag in the actual game. He experiences ADD and moodswings. I'm not making this up. When he was a small child, Xemnas found him in a dumpster where his biological parents, Ryan O'Donohue and David Bowie, had abandoned him. His assigned missions usually include annoying the shit out of people with his hyperactive behavior, like taping "KICK ME" signs on people's backs, or just yelling obnoxiously at the top of his lungs whenever he sees something of great importance, usually a rock or an incoming missile. Demyx is a cheerful and completely oblivious twit, which poses a problem for the Organization's stoic way of life, as the members wonder WHY the freaking idiot hasn't learned to grow up yet.
On April 42, 20X6, in an undisclosed gladiator arena beneath Hollow Bastion, Demyx suffered a heart attack as a result from sugar overdose and an asswhooping from the legendary Sora (which authorities have deemed as 'odd', considering that he didn't have a heart). He was pronounced dead on the scene two minutes later. Everyone remaining in Organization XIII (except for Zexion, being an unsufferable emo kid) was very happy when he was killed because at least, says Axel, they didn't have to suffer from "being tormented by a fucking nine-year old and his music ever again" or the usual "flooding the castle time and time again."
Demyx's primary weapon was a twelve-string custom exploding sitar, hard on the ears and has the ability to summon killer melted ice block men at the flick of the wrist. Since Demyx's death at the hands of the cereal killer Sora, the custom-built stringed instrument has been sold to one lucky bastard for $5000. He can also subdue opponents by going "flyingtackleglomp" on their buts and making random time-limits come into play in which you must win before you die from pure pwnage.
He is the main architect of Hyrule's famous Water Temples in Majora's Mask and Ocarina, going totally bat fuck insane and making them impassible.
[edit] Luxord
Luxord (????? Vanilla Ice?) was the tenth member in the Organization, and the "Duel Master". Formerly Ludor, he joined after losing a dispute over the rights to the show Yu-Gi-Oh! against Kazuki Takahashi and 4Kids. Depressed that he could not screw the show's canon over as he wished, he turned to the Organization for help. Unfortunately, this meant that they harvested his soul into a blackface Heartless (ironic) and also the pseudo-European Luxord. He constantly asks if his opponent if "They have any Sora's" even when they are not playing go fish.
Luxord was one of the few members of the Organization who rarely participated in the perverse practices brought forth by the Superior. Instead, he practiced the art of magic card tricks, such as getting Royal Flushes almost every time in scheduled Poker Nights, using tarot cards to force sex upon some of the members of the Organization, and other bizarre things. Rumor has it that he signed up on YouTube under the name of MadV, preaching about something about "ONE WORLD" through the magic of V for Vendetta alliteration and cheap anti-gravity tricks.
In the battle of Fort Mansex, Luxord challenged Sora to a card duel inside the Castle That Never Was, but was killed by a bunch of imaginary American Union soldiers before he could draw his first monster. He was pronounced dead on 14:00 PM, March 28, 2006.
===Marluxia===aka(SEX GOD)
Marluxia (????? Jeffree Star?) No. 11 in the Organization: Marluxia, the Gay Reaper.]]
[edit] [[.....Also know to be the --SEX GOD-- of the organization he also have been teaching every body not to mess with him or ells he will get punish you i ways that only xemnas -aka-(mansex) can think of......]]
</math>]]''
Clearly the most flamboyant of the group, the pink-haired Marluxia is number XI of Organization XIII. He is the Grim Reapers homosexual cousin from hell, his nickname is "The Gay Reaper". He earned this bizarre nickname due to the fact that his favorite color is pink, and that he wields a HUGE FUCKING SCYTHE and can control both flowers and death with his mind. Before joining the Organization, he used to be a lady's hairdresser, but was fired when it was discovered that 200% of his clientele died during their sessions from asphyxiating on the razor-sharp flower petals with which he is constantly surrounded. After he was inducted into the group by the homophobic Xigbar, Marluxia eventually came to believe that he could run things much better than Xemnas could, and wanted a piece of the pie. His plan was foiled, however, when he made the mistake of trying to seduce the Superior and wound up getting a spanking from Saïx that he wouldn't forget any time soon. As further punishment, he was banished to Castle oblivion along with the other weak members of Organization XIII. Enraged, Marluxia attempted to get his revenge by brain-washing Sora into redecorating The World That Never Was with a white rose motif (this was a favor for his sister Larxene, who loved to spatter blood on white things). His plan was foiled, however, when Axel released the witch Namine from the castle dungeon so she could run amok, participating in a threesome with Sora and Vexen's Riku Sex Doll. Marluxia was disgusted by this display of heterosexuality and tried to kill them all with his Grim Reaper powers. In spite of his gayness, Marluxia proved to be the most powerful member of Organization, having mastered the Japanese art of appearing to move slowly while in reality moving at superhuman speeds. The fact that he could turn into a giant robot with an Angel of Death on its back didn't help either. But he still lost, because Sora suckered him into betting his life on a game of Texas Hold'em with James Bond and Le Chiffre, which Marluxia lost. BADLY. Marluxia wants a flowerbed, a garden, and an orchid and a...
Marluxia died when the giant robot he was standing on exploded due to being unable to compute his terrible card skills. It serves him right, because he was the most difficult f@cking final boss of all time.
On a side note, he may have been related to--or even BEEN--that disturbing he-she from Rurouni Kenshin; after all, they both wield scythes, and they're both gay, so a relation, be it filial or sexual, is possible.
Also, Tetsuya Nomura had originally intended for Marluxia to be a woman. But since Nomura decided that Xemnas is sexist and wouldn't let a woman rule Castle Oblivion, he made Marluxia a man. This sex change proved to be fatal since Marluxia now (surprisingly) has an alarming amount of fangirls, and anyone that knows said fangirls claims the fangirl to be a complete lezbo. Oh joy.
[edit] Larxene
Larxene (????? Pikachu?) was the twelth twelf twelthf tweffth twelff fuck it TWELFTH member of the Organization, and the only girl. Her origins are unknown, and as her will states, should stay that way.
As a n00b in the Organization, Larxene was soon adopted by the older member Marluxia to help him assist with the ruling of Castle Oblivion. Her job was mainly to have sex with Marluxia at the snap of the finger, but that soon proved to be boring for her. Instead, she became a sadomasochist, enjoying the floggings sexual or otherwise that she would get from Marluxia's scythe whenever she screwed up her duties. Larxene is still surrounded by morons and is now considered to have permanent PMS. This moodiness could of course be attributed to her former life as Elena (The evil bitch queen of the Turks, operatives of the Shinra Electric Power Company from Final Fantasy VII.
She was involved in a conspiracy involving a witch from Salem and the witch's ability to read and mess with other's minds. Sora unknowingly stumbled onto this conspiracy, unraveling the truth about the Salem Witch - who was, surprisingly, a genuine witch. For the sexual abuse done to the witch from Salem and mocking Sora's crappy Muay Thai, Larxene was cut down by Sora himself. Her body was never found.
Prior to her death, she wrote a trilogy of books known today in pop culture as "The Adventures of Marquis de Sade", which covered the perverse happenings of Organization XIII in full-blown detail. After recalls from bookstores, lawsuits by the real Marquis de Sade, and millions of munny engrossed, the series has become a world-renowned New York Bestseller, remaining #1 on the charts for thirteen weeks straight. Typical reactions to her books are compared to that of when facing Jack Thompson's radical messages, with the usual death threats.
Larxene was fueled through six-thousand volts of free energy, and channeled it to stimulate masculine orgasms from the other members. She was known to freely distribute her energy to certain electric companies to power electric chairs and other humiliating forms of prisoner torture.
Recently, however, Larxene was found alive and kicking. Her location: Sora's house. Surviving Organization members Axel and Zexion broke into Sora's house to steal his Keyblade and his Wii only to find Larxene, Sora and Roxas making out in bed. Axel was extremely jealous and set the bed on fire, although all three escaped. Larxene explained to police the next day that she broke into Sora's house, chained him to a wall and began a large list of rather graphic sexual experiments and fun with Sora, and Roxas later showed up to join in. She is currently in prison for seduction and throwing knives around, seducing Kairi.
[edit] Roxas
Roxas (?????? Jesse McRoxas?) was the last member of Organization XIII, and also Sora's biggest fan.
Roxas was born into the world with the purpose of worshiping the serial killer Sora with the act of ritually sacrificing Heartless with his Keyblades. He changed his name from Jesse McCartney after he murdered Axel's girlfriend. To further his worship, he left the Organization, but was pursued by his man-chasing friend Axel. The two never participated in a mutually consensual sex, and anybody or any Nobody who tells you otherwise is telling LIES!! See also: Yaoi. Roxas was shortly kidnapped by the Heartless Ansem, and taken to the village of Twilight to gain a bachelor's degree in martial arts. He is also not Sora damn it.
Roxas eventually discovered, by some sort of twisted chance, that he was in fact related to Sora, being his long lost brother/sibling/twin whose parents lacked the imagination to give him a proper name. This enraged him so much that he suddenly adopted his whatever's personality and turned his back on the Twilight village he was raised in. He then has a mid-life crisis at the age of 14-ish and decides that he hates everyone around him (and buys a race car!), before realizing that he doesn't have a heart and can't hate anyone. Then he jumps off a clock tower but fails to die so he journeys off to find Sora. When he does he disappears for most of the game for unknown reasons, most likely to find his father, Bilbo.
[edit] XIV
“14th member?! This is Organization XIII, not XIV!!!!”
~ Various fans on XIV's existance
“What? There's a FEMALE 14th member?! Awww, I thought we were finally getting Chuck Norris!”
~ Demyx on XIV's existance
Number XIV (?????? Not Naminé?) is the NEW last member of the Organization. This bit of information pissed Roxas off further. We have no idea who she is or even her goddamn NAME, but she is suspected to be Mansex and Saix's illigitimate child with terrifying powers over bullshit. When asked if she was, in fact, their illigitimate child, no comment was offered. Instead, they answered in a serious of clicks and squeeks, possibly their own dialect of Evil Dolphin Language and proceeded to murder everything in sight, then poof'd away for some buttsecks.
So far, we only know that she pissed off Axel and Roxas and annoyed Larxene by making her not so special anymore (meaning that there wasn't just ONE female-not-counting-Marluxia anymore). She also influenced Roxas and got him to run away from the Organization and was known to give him LSD-laced sea salt ice cream that would cause him to wake up hours later in a strange room half-naked and handcuffed to various objects.
We also forget to mention Namine had an older brother who's name I'd rather not mention, but I will anyway so there. GABRIEL CELESTIAL. He will rip your ass in two because his dick is just that huge. He is also a close relative of Captain Crunch, who is also a rapist.
[edit] See also
[edit] References
- ↑ Sidious, Darth. "Vader's Mailbag." Galactic Empire Weekly, 5th to 12th Helona, 3 BBY
[edit] External links
- Organization13.org, Organization XIII's Official Website (mirror website, Adult Content)
