Original sin
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Original sin is a concept in Christianity based on the idea that if you are going to do something wrong, at least you should do something nobody has done before. Your priest or other religious leader decides whether your sin is truly original, or only a copy of a previous sin (see Tom Lehrer, "Vatican Rag".)
Original sins are granted automatic dispensation, and given a mention in the "Guinness Book of World Sins". The best sins will be collected for Bob Saget's new program, "America's Funniest Sins", with the ultimate sinner given $50,000 and a trip straight to hell.
[edit] Origin
The idea of Original Sin came about in the late 17th century, and the idea is given credit to a priest nammed Charles Pintsworth. He was tired of people coming to him confessing about murder, affairs and all that rubbish. But what could he do? He asked his sidekick Aaron if he had any ideas. Aaron, being a wheelchair-bound retard, said "euuunghh." This enraged Charles. He took a knife, cut the tires of Aaron's wheelchair, and pushed him down the biggest hill in London at the time-- Main Street. As Aaron was wildly flying down the street, Charles took out a bazooka and started shooting at poor Aaron.
Suddenly, there was a flash of white light, and Charles found himself face-to-face with God himself. God explained to Charles that what he had done had never been done before-- and that he was going straight to Hell. There was another flash-- and Charles was back on earth. He decided to brag to everyone about his "Original Sin". Soon it became a contest, and rather than fight it, the three highest figures of religious athority (Pope,God, and Bob Saget) thought it would be a good idea to make a TV show of it. And that they did. And God said that it was good.
[edit] Famous Sins
What follows are some of the most famous (or infamous) Original Sins of all time.
- The time that guy mistook a baptismal font for a toilet
- Dangling a dollar in front of a homeless man's eyes before suddenly changing your mind and swallowing it
- The opening of England's first Ripping Delightful House of Unlubricated Buggery
- Bad Samaritanism
- The Medieval invention of the baby-onager
- Necrobestiality
- When somebody introduced those stupid European roundabouts to American road systems.
The teacher who created this formula went straight to Hell.
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Original sin is a concept in Christianity based on the idea that if you are going to do something wrong, at least you should do something nobody has done before. |
