Osaka

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A typical Osakan

A typical Osakan aunty

Osaka (Japanese: お酒) is a city in Japan. Osaka is the third largest city, the second largest if you count the drug addicts. It is also the place where the most accident prone Japanese people came from. Main reasons to live in this city include super cheap 100 MB/s Internet connection, 200 television channels with 24/7 anime, and no monster attacks like the ones in Tokyo. However, Osakan people act very unusually in almost everything there is.

For example, normally, when a Japanese encounters something he/she has trouble with, normally the response would be -

あの、すみませんが．．．Ano, Suimasenga... (Ah, I'm sorry)

However, Osakan response is more like -

くそ、お前のがでかすぎんねん！！ Kuso, Omaenon ga dekasugin nen!! (Shit! 'Cause yours is too big!!)

or -

ど、ど、ど、ど、童貞ちゃうわ！ Do, do, do, do, Dotei chau wa!(I'm not not not not virgin!!!!!)

[edit] Transportation

Transportation in Osaka consists mainly of walking, car, bus, subway, and sky taxi (as seen in Star Wars). The taxi usually charges about ￥400/KM, however, the more drug addicts the taxi driver encounters, the higher the price may be, especially if the drugees are some sort of Slovakian parrot. The price is reduced for every pedestrian the passenger manages to topple by opening the door. This fee is further reduced if the passenger manages to touch the corpse with his or her left ear lobe, as this is an ancient Osakan disco tradition.

Residents are encouraged to use public transportation on "No My Car Day". No, seriously.[1]

[edit] The People

The average Osakan was once thought to have been a type of rare pygmy elephant, due to their tusks and tendencies to make strange trumpeting sounds from their noses. This allegation was later dismissed after it was shown that anyone that lives their lives thinking they are anime acts this way, which explains alot.

Many young Japanese women walk in the following position: arms bent forward to hold bag at elbow; wrists flailing; feet pointed inwards towards vagine. According to Japanese women, that's "kawaii." According to gaijin, that's some fucked up shit right there.

[edit] Attractions

Dotonbori is one of the main attractions at the heart of the city. A popular feature within its shopping district is a dark, polluted river that will corrode your skin upon contact. And latetly it was invaved by some horrible japanesse folklore creatures.