Otakukin
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| FNORD! This article is too close to the TRUTH! Citizens should begin to feel uneasy now, otherwise report for therapy. See more about Fnord. |
“Nevetr have i seen such bravery!!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Otakukin, as seen in a dungeon, slaying a dragon
Otakukin (also Otaku-ken) is a fighting style first theorized by bryce lee. It primarily involves the practitioner wearing an unironic costume of a preexisting master of the art. It is one of the deadliest martial arts known to man, and a single master can take over an entire town of martial arts trained peasants with little effort.
Contents |
[edit] Principle of Pantheistic Solipsism
The phenomenon of Otakukin was first discovered in the early 1980s by revolutionary metaphysicist Robert Heinlein.
He theorized, that if a person were to channel the energies of a creature in an alternate reality, the practitioner would begin to have emergent properties based on that character. For instance, A channeler of cloud would begin to incessantly whine, and make up implausible stories to impress women with large breasts. the annoyance factor alone is powerful enough to render most into a near comatose state.
[edit] The Principle in Practice
In the great pirate ninja war of 1776, a practitioner of otakukin began to channel the properties of the great ninja master hamtaro (not the one in the cartoon, but an alternate reality version where the hamster in question was a parwerful ninja overlord who dominated most of the eastern continents and the pacific ocean, until his reign was abruptly ended by natural causes, since hamsters, even in the alternate reality in question don't typically have long lifespans) and began to sprout short hairs and toss shurikens. the pirates in that battle suffered great casualties and the only thing that stopped the emergent okatukin practitioner was a channeler who took on the properties of Christopher Walken and killed the would-be-ninja master instantaneously, and proceeded to eat his heart.
[edit] Growth of the Phenomenon
For nearly a decade after Heinlein’s death the phenomenon of this transdimensional reincarnation remained largely unexplored, and even ignored in the scientific community; much of this avoidance is due to the encouragement of the government who has established one of the largest training facilities in the second life. In order to train otakuin practitioners properly, vast stores of fanfiction were archived and funneled into the V.A.L.I.S. (virtual adrenal-lifeform internal stimulation) system which functions as a mind control device. This device, celverly concealed most frequently, and marketed as a "video game console" is sold all over the world to inform potential emergents of their "true" nature. while most cases simply suffer from delusions, a few will emerge properties of trans-dimensional slippage. However in 80% of confirmed cases, the most frequently present emergent properties were those of a being similar to Captain James T. Kirk, except in an alternate alternate reality where he sports a mullet, and rather than a captain, is a canadian blogger. the existence o the blog and it's cousin the vlog are aftereffects of the programs implementation.
[edit] Typical Otakukin
Once entering into adolescence an Otakukin may or may not Awaken to their true identity depending on a number of factors. It is currently estimated that fewer than a tenth of all Otakukin are fully aware of their nature. Some factors that especially determine whether Awakening will occur include the type of upbringing and religion the Otakukin has been indoctrinated into, whether or not the Otakukin has been able to adapt into this world’s society with any level of success, and most especially, whether or not the Otakukin has been exposed to media that reflects his or her dimension of origin. In some cases exposure to media relating to their former identity, or even media that is only similar may even trigger an early Awakening before the onset of puberty.
Otakukin in the process of Awakening may experience intense feelings of distance from the world, feelings of irrational panic, exceptionally vivid dream of their past lives, in some cases even spontaneous flashbacks into their prior identity, much like those of an Alzheimers patient
During and after Awakening an Otakukin may possess intimately detailed and unnatural knowledge of their prior identity and the world from which they have come. This can also be caused by playing too much Final Fantasy VII
[edit] Possible Causes
Dimensional slippage, fanboyism, and video game addiction are all things that condition a persons psyche to be more receptive to a potential reception of otherwordly hosts. One reported case involved an entire legion of characters fro the simpsons to inhabit a single body. the end result was World War 9. some other possible causes include, but are no limited to:
- the internet
- multiple internets
- science fiction overdose
- discontinuance of antipsychotic medications
- Chronic masturabation
- jingoism
- communism
- feminism
- masculinism
- absence of mental abnormalities
- presence of mental obnormailities
- Rough Gay Wolf Sex
[edit] Otakukin Persecution
Otakukin in the past have frequenttly persecuted their cousins, otherkin and furries but more recently have begun to focuse their violent tendencies towards mormons
the government has been trying for decades to use the *potentially* destructive nature of the martial art and direct it's furious, flaming fist of hate towards the mormon church, with only limted success.
[edit] Otakukin Numbers
Roughly 4.
