P

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

You may have been looking for Pee or Pea and not even known it

P is the sixteenth letter of the Latin alphabet. It is widely known for being the raunchiest, naughtiest letter, most likely due to its astonishing similarity to the word "Pee". Various Christian family groups have been fighting to have the letter censored for over 50 years now, with varying success.

1 Rise and usage of the letter
2 Censorship of "P"
3 Re-emergence of P
4 Ongoing controversy

[edit] Rise and usage of the letter

The letter P made its first appearance in John Ash's 1775 "A New and Complete Alphabet Book," listed as a "low" and "vulgar" letter. It wasn't until 1880, however, with the publishing of D.H. Lawrence novel "Lady Chatterdale's Lover", that the letter was extensively used for the first time. The letter immediately caused outrage upon its introduction to the English language due to the extensive giggling it caused (giggling was considered an outrage until the early 1940's).

[edit] Censorship of "P"

As more and more musicians and other artists starting freely using the letter "P" in their music (including Peter Cook, who caused mass outrage by having a name that started with P and writing a song using the letter of 78 times), calls for the word to be removed from the English language got louder and louder. It wasn't until the 1950's, when American politicians were eager to differentiate the country from Soviet Russia, that the word was banned completely, and replaced with a new letter, shaped like an American flag and pronounced "I love Jesus". "Pronunciation" became "I love Jesus nunciation", "Pottery" became "I love Jesus ottery", and so forth. McCarthy and his aids then started prosecuting (or "I love Jesus osecuting") anybody who used the letter as a Communist. Meanwhile, right-wing extremists then set their next target: B, though the anti-B movement was much less popular than the anti-P one.

[edit] Re-emergence of P

In 1959, McCarthy lost his nerve during the trial of Lawrence Beefy, who had accidentally stepped on McCarthy's Toe earlier that day. When a Vermont senator suggested that McCarthy may have been overreacting a bit, McCarthy screamed, "Fuck you, you fucking Jew motherfucker! I bet you're a communist who fucking hires sluts and fucks them! Phone them and fuck them, right, FUCKER????" This comment immediately backfired on McCarthy. The response of Olivia Peelings was a typical one: "I'm...in shock. McCarthy...used the letter P!". McCarthy argued that the "P" in "phone" was silent, so it didn't count, but to no avail. He was removed from his office immediately.

The ban of P, however, remained in place. As the counterculture movement rose from anti-Vietnam protests, many of the youths involved started questioning the condemnation of the letter "P". "It's just...you know...a letter, man!" said one of the protesters before passing out. As a symbol of their anger with society, protesters made hundreds of signs using words with "P" in them, such as "penguin" and "porcelain". Many of these signs gave old women Heart attacks. Movements to re-legalize the letter P sprouted up all around the country, and remained in effect until the Civil Rights Act of 1968 ended discrimination "on the basis of sex, race, or whether or not that individual chooses to use....they choose...to use...the letter.....P." It was the first appearance of the letter in a national document, and promptly gave rise to the "P Klux Klan", who made it their mission to terrorize anyone who chose to use the letter P instead of "I love Jesus"

[edit] Ongoing controversy

A number of controversies have arisen over the letter P in modern times, though none of them are as heated as those caused by the Hippie movements of the 1960's. A movement to include a course known as "P education", which would teach young children the history of the letter and why it is considered obscene. "Our children need to learn about...*gulp*...P...sooner or later, anyway," says an advocate for P education, "sooner or later they're gonna notice how all the children's alphabet books go straight from the 15th letter to the 17th." Also, a new movement has formed that calls for a change in pronunciation of the letter, from "Pee" to "Poo". As a Utah senator put it, "Pee sounds filthy and inappropriate, whereas "Poo" is highly sophisticated. Or, we could pronounce it "Piss". Or we could just replace any appearance of the letter P with the word 'Fuck'. Anything would be better than...*gulp*...P." The senator then spent ten days in confession, praying to be forgiven for using the letter P so many times.

Letters of the Alphabet:

Esc