PALE
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[edit] Preamble. Or Something.
An organization sent by God after he met the leaders and argued over the book of Genesis. After this, God ordered them to do his bidding, as they were mere mortals and God kicked their asses so easily they didn't even see Him. The Heavenly Father started them off by helping Him create people. He created Adam, but the leaders of PALE, who are now gained immortality, convinced God that Adam needed a wife and thus lead to the creation of women. After that, God had them edit the Bible along with the Romans around 93 C.E. (A.D.) but were told not to add themselves as they were a private sect who were to do his bidding for eternity.
[edit] "Every Theory is Hypothetically Absolute in the Relative sense"
After this, the leaders of PALE left the Lord and began reincarnation in order to make it difficult for God to track them down. Of course God loves them and doesn't need to forgive them as they did nothing wrong. He only wants them to continue working for Him. Anyway, as they were running, they did mischief all over the world as they kept popping up newly born in various countries. One of the three knocked out Muhammad Ali in Somalia, twice! He was high at the time on a mixture of water and pie. Before the baby boomers, the group (being rebellious teens at the time) peacefully promoted condom use by setting buildings on fire in third world countries. They also became bored and counted to infinity in spanish only to be crushed that it took them three hours to do so. Jesus, being sent by God, rebelled and joined PALE during this teens and early adulthood (thus explaining why it isn't in the Bible). Because no one was completely aware of PALE, the common misconception of Jesus being white exists. After Jesus was crucified, PALE aided in the desecration of pagan statues after the Edict of Milan in 313 C.E.. In July 18, 1973, they stole rice from Bruce Lee (who attacked them); he was shot two days later while filming a movie. There is no connection between the Bruce Lee murder and PALE. As it turned out, Bruce Lee never died. And became a Hollister model. After their last acts of bad (beating on Muhammad Ali when they were all drunk and burning poor people's houses as well as stealing from Bruce Lee)they became the good, right and the just organization we can see today.
In 1993, "sal" co-directed the movie Jurassic Park but did not partake in the other ones shouting at Spielberg "Family Matters!!" which doesn't refer to the caffeine addicted Olson Twins. Whom they impregnated once, only to realize that they had instead been eating ham with Richard Nixon.
In 1960, the PALE Triad (the leaders - Don Tony, "sal" and Mr.D [in order of power]) created The Beatles, but were not accepted at the time as they were not stoned, so they asked their friends (John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr) to take their place.
In February 26, 2003, they sued Fred Rogers (PBS actor) for having a dominant "white" cast and crew as well as having an irritating singing voice. This may have caused him to have died by increasing his stress thus making his stomache cancer too much for him to handle.
Since their change to good (1991), they have been religiously tolerant. Thus, they will only eat pork in Israel, beef in India, and consider eating humans on all continents except Antarctica. They have yet to consume a human being, therefore, their attornies would like to assert that they are not cannibals.
In 1962, a gang of PALE members killed Marilyn Monroe via indirect, non-involvement.
In 1989, the PALE Triad created a universal cure for HIV, AIDS and all STDs but were not approved by the FDA and FCC as it consists small, meaningless amounts "illegal" drugs such as LSD and
mushrooms.
On November 22nd, 1963 they may have killed Kennedy.
On December 23, 1935 it was decided that any history of PALE need not be put in order. Any history was infallible, relatively true, and hypothetically understandable.
On January 29, 1770; the Triad arrived in North America and introduced the cure to all diseases except the Rhino virus and the Hippo virus. As the Natives were the only ones to realize the power of the Triad, they taught them how to do the Nature Dance. (A dance that before the Triad, only a chief was able to know and only when taught by Mother Nature herself.) Thus, natives had the opportunity to be immune, but because the dance only afforded them with enough for a small population, a large amount of them died, but not all.
In early 2003, PALE invaded Iraq, only to realize it was going to be a quagmire, and thus left to a donut shop in Nebraska, reportedly to "sooth thoughts, feed stomachs, create cavities".
In early 2004, PALE found the solution to cavities, but accidentally sold it on Ebay. It has not been heard from since. Its name was Jake.
In December 25, 2006, the PALE Triad decided to make the organization more open to the public. They became an Anti-Emo group spreading peace as quoted by God (after they made up in the early 1900s) "spread the good through any means necessary." They fight all that is bad in the world and because they speak for God (only while they are together as a group as any other way they will cover up their tracks by denying it as they are supposed to be discreat.) they don't believe in religion, but their belief in Jesus is questionable as they don't have a good recollection of their past lives working with Jesus. They consider Emo kids to be possible suicides and so they try to change their ways or scare them with peace.
On July 17th 2007, PALE instituted a free lunch hypithetical metaphysical program in theory. (PALE also invented the notion of TANSTAAFL, in order to become part time economic advisors to the government of Mongolia. As a result, they have become honorary deporteees.)
[edit] Niacines
They exist. They are prominent and beloved members of PALE. Their identities will never be leaked out of concern for the integrity of the Triad except within the Triad as their own beliefs require this.
[edit] Save the Syllable
PALE Triad member "sal" proposed the diction/miniscule energy conservation program of "Save the Syllable" which seeks to simplify the word choice of the masses. He could not be reached for further details. Rumor has it that "sal" is presently in front of the White House posing as a pillar. He allegedly left for "his home" but accidentally ended up on a flight for Alabama. No word yet on how he ended up in Washington, DC.
7/18/07 - "sal"'s whereabouts continue to elude Washington officials. According to PALE, they know exactly where he is, but his new mission does not allow him to reveal himself.
8/30/07-"sal" reportedly was spotted alongside Elvis and Tupac in the Andes; they were transporting what appeared to be a goat and a shaman with a blue hat.
9/15/07-"sal" identified as cause of global warming by Al Gore-look-alike while "sal" was liberating protein bars from a gas station in Zimbabwe
10/20/07-"sal" reportedly met with Osama bin Laden and Lao Tsu in Serbia to discuss--(the witness fell dead at this point)
6/28/08 - "sal" reportedly mocked the US government for the terrible treatment of the injured war veterans and told them that a three-year-old with a chop stick would be better help for them than the hospitals. He later stated "and that MLK hospital sucks balls. How could they let that woman lie there. If George Carlin were here, he'd make jokes about the stupidity of this." he said crying with a mushroom and vodka filled cup in one hand and a blunt in the other.
7/1/08 - Don Tony visited a niacine raising the question "what the hell is he doing with a niacine?" and "Does "sal" know?" He left the building with a satisfied grin and fatigue in his eyes the next week. Those that live nearby report loud noises were coming from the building and that never since that building was occupied by niacines had they heard that noise constantly and for so long. "The noise would go on for hours, but after 6 hours of the noise, there was no sound. This went on daily for about 7 days." said Mrs. Blaek the neighbor. I went dumpster diving to see if i could find any information, but all i found was a mucus-like substance, three-quarters eaten sandwiches and pizza. There was also a dead raccoon, but i dont think it counts since i put it there. We still don't know where Waldo is...sorry what niacines are, but we are working on it.
[edit] Relevance
Too often people will claim "he/she is really pale." However, what they don't know is that they are innately referring to PALE. Thus, instead of a negative comment, it is a transcendent one.
PALE also is the name of a scholarship for scholars who would normally be turned down by other scholarships due to them being white or of mixed ethnicity. However, due to a series of lawsuits by African American, Hispanic, and Asian scholarship groups, the scholarship has been revoked and is available only to "underprivileged scholars." Al Sharpton supports this.
A countersuit has been attempted, but the Supreme Court of California remained firmly on its stand with the scholarships. President Bush, whom had given authority to the Vice-President, simply stated "Just cause I said I was gettin' sugery don't mean I can't take another vacation at my ranch" We didn't know whether this was his idea of a joke. We know that the government will not give any aid thus proving that the previous sentences were absolutely pointless.
[edit] Released Triad Information
Their slogan is (and may change without notice) "Pale for Peace; one way or another"
All three are immortal once again and if killed, will go through reincarnation and deny you to Jesus or God; either way, you goin' to hell.
PALE, no matter what people say, never compared themselves to "god". Despite the part where some members of PALE do not acknowledge a god. Instead, some hold themselves to the standards of Clorox wipes, finding them even more sensible.
They submit to theoretically relative metabeliefs in a hypothetical way, as opposed to dogma's. (Except for The Triad, whom only follow and search for truth and peace.) Hence, they do not own stock in dog food companies.
PALE has admitted to the creation of the boardgame called Checkers. "Of course when we created it, it was better. It required more strategy, a limitation on kings, and a niacine for the victor." said "sal". "The board was circular and could have more than two players. To be 'kinged' the piece had to reach the center." said Don Tony (before leaving the Triad) "It was an awesome idea. Fun with a niacine after winning and when you played while on shrooms...OH YEA! It made the fun more fun and the hallucinations that made the game 3D and moving. It was amazing" said "sal" the next day with a blunt in one hand and what he called a niacine in the other.
"sal" is a Discordian Pope, thus, if he ordains you a Pope, you are immediately infallible and also excommunicated on the spot.
"may you find peace" is their way of saying good bye.
[edit] Triad Motions
"sal" has publicly stated his desire to "execute" all PALE members, as opposed to excommunicating them. Thus, new members will be "executed"-in that their past being will be taken to the gallows, and their new IF being will be accepted.
Don Tony has publicly gone against "sal" in his movement of the execution of all PALE members. He claimed that "peace can never come through violence, unless it can be justified." He clearly is for self-defense and against killing for any other reason. Apparently Don Tony is the boisterous of the Triad. The execution of all PALE members has been stopped by Don Tony and is considering meeting with the Triad in order to either punish "sal" or crucify him, or if all three agree, send him to God who will then send him to hell only to fight the devil to see who the true Prince of Evil is. Of course the third option is only if all Triad members agree.
"sal" shortly thereafter reminded Don Tony to look up the definition of "metaphor" and "symbolism"...from a french dictionary.
"sal" recently called for the erection of a "flab of meat" memorial statue within the Vatican.
