PBS
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“He said "BS."”
~ Butt-head on PBS
“Yeah, but first, he said "Pee."”
~ Beavis on PBS
PBS was originally founded to manufacture Peanut Butter Sandwiches, not to be confused with Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches. By removing the jelly they cut costs dramatically but the task of marketing their creation to children became infinitely more difficult. After all other attempts to market the concoction failed, they were forced to turn their attention to television.
To market this evil they placed commercials with kids acting like they enjoyed eating Satan’s creation. These strings of commercials eventually led the terrorists to create their own station under the cover of a telethon "public access" learning channel.
This platform would allow them to not only to infect millions at once, but also make a direct attack on the children of America.
[edit] Organization
The PBS network comprises television stations WPBS (located one hundred miles from downtown Ottawa) and KPBS (situated just outside Tijuana).
In the event of nuclear war against the United Spades of Amerika, it is believed that neither of these sites will be worth the effort for an enemy to blow them up.
PBS are also the initials of a little known human. The only one in the whole world to bear his name - Pieter Benjamin Stoaling.
[edit] Programming
PBS later changed their name but kept the initials, operating as a "public broadcasting station" a worldwide conglomerate with aspirations for world domination. PBS' evening schedule emphasizes areas including:
- Fine arts (Great Performances, Live from the Met, Live from Lincoln Center, and Evening at Pops)
- Drama (Mystery!, American Playhouse, and Masterpiece Theatre)
- Science (Nova (series) and Scientific American Frontiers)
- History (American Experience, Antiques Roadshow)
- Public affairs (Frontline (American television series), NOW (TV series), The Newshour with Jim Lehrer, Nightly Business Report)
- Independent films (P.O.V., and Independent Lens)
PBS was able to shape the way America grew and decided to run it straight to the ground. PBS (as PBS Kids) has distributed a number of highly regarded children's shows such as:
- Arthur (TV Series)
- Sesame Street
- The Electric Company
- Villa Alegre (television program)
- ZOOM
- 3-2-1 Contact
- Barney & Friends
- Shining Time Station
- Dragon Tales
- Reading Rainbow
- Mister Rogers' Neighborhood
- Puzzle Place
[edit] Criticism and controversy
Some within the urban drug scene on Sesame Street once came close to revealing the sordid truth, but the protagonists were ruthlessly and mercilessly silenced.
Big Bird, widely suspected of having started the rumours, was swiftly launched into geo-synchronous orbit at 87°W, where he continues to be used as a satellite to helplessly reflect PBS programming to free-to-air dishes nationwide.
His co-conspirator the Snuffleuphagus was conveniently “disappeared” with official propaganda claiming him to be an “imaginary friend” who “never existed” in the finest 1984 Orwellian tradition.
Mr. Looper is also believed dead, last seen by Jimmy Hoffa in 1492. A smoking “unlooper” was found in a dumpster behind DreckTV headquarters but no fingerprints were recovered and the trail went cold.
No one else has dared to speak out.
