PETA

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“Say, I wonder why that mob of angry people are coming my way with spray paint cans and signs that say "Fur is Murder"”

~ Ritzy Rich lady wearing a Fox Mink Fur Coat to the Academy Awards on PETA members with spray cans coming to spray her coat.

“Goes well with baba ganesh.”

~ Oscar Wilde on PeTA

“Someone get over here and DELETE this Commie shit!”

~ R. Lee Ermey

“Better bare skin than wear skin!”

~ PeTA people on Wear skin

PETA is an excuse for people to take their clothes off and run around the streets without being arrested. It stands for "People Eating Tasty Animals". According to the hippy-dropout creators, the group was formed in the dawn of the 1970's when people wanted something new to complain about. They have also been known as the Uber Nazi Aryan Animal Association, UN-AAA for short. They are also widely known as People Eating Tasty Animals for their feeding habits upon the flesh eating moose.

Another version of this is "People Enjoying Taking Anal", but this is much agreed to be only done with animals as far as PETA is concerned.

But perhaps the most famous of the identically-acronymed radical groups is the unusual, left-wing organisation known as the Poorly Educated Turtle Anuses. The name says it all, really.

1 Information on PETA
2 Popular Beliefs Of The Group
3 Carnivores' Alliance
4 Petaphiles
- 4.1 Signs that someone might be a Petaphile
5 Other Info
6 See also
7 External links

[edit] Information on PETA

These are seen as the lead figures for the PETA.

Their site is currently down because the server is being tested on animals. However, you can find a temporary mirror here.

The reason why PETA exists is because the founder, Ingrid Newkirk, after much deliberate scientific research, had become aware of the fact that meat causes people to become irrational and their behavior not unlike that of a child's. Consumption of meat leads to innumerable temper tantrums and acts of awesome, thus abolishment of meat consumption is the primary agenda of PETA in order to provide for a better planet. Some known meat-eaters are/were: Pol Pot, Satan, Jim Bakker, Marshall Applewhite, Lars Ulrich, and many conservative political pundits.

But Ingrid Newkirk changed back to being a meat eater when she found out that eating vegetables makes you a rapist, a murderer, weak, excessively violent, itchy, crabby,communist, whiney, sexually questionable, stupid, fucked up, weak again, and a pussy. She also found out fish don't have feelings (so it's okay to eat them), so take that ya bunch of hippie terrorist beotches!! Most members of PETA are vampires, emos, Retarted Vegetarian Canadians, or angry beatniks and hippies.

We would also like it if you donate to us to help us save animals] from a world of meat, fur, experiments, entertainment, and certain Al Qaeda Initiation Rites. You know what? Nevermind, we don't need any donations, I mean, we're no better than liberal crybabies or dykeish feminists, we'll never be happy with what happens. We're really just looking for a reason to complain, screw the animals, I'm getting me some veal! PETA sucks.

[edit] Popular Beliefs Of The Group

P.E.T.A or Penisis entering tiny asses take it on to them selves to be polygamists and fuck their children while they sleep. Famous petaist include every single preist and terriost in the world

These are the best chemicals with which to kill a dog.

The vegetables will revolt. AH! That’s them now. I don't know how much longer I can hold the peas. The deep gash on my leg has finally stopped bleeding. The carrots have the strength of ten potatoes. One was able to throw its salad fork through the second floor window where we were hiding.

Animals don't mean to be a bunch of pricks they just need food. Its the way of life. There will never ever be such thing as gators for the ethical treatment of humans. Gators don't give a shit. PETA feels that prokaryotes, fungi and even virii deserve the same rights as humans so no member of PETA uses antibiotics and whenever a member has the flu he sneezes upon every person he meets.

It is widely acknowledged that PETA members do in fact wish to sodomize and be sodomized by animals, which explains their irrational attachment to a source of food. The more extreme PETA members go so far as to refuse to eat plants, because "plants are people too". These zealots die of starvation, which is, of course, far too kind a fate for the likes of such brain-morons. PETA members are seemingly unable to comprehend the concept of the food chain. They also are seemingly unable to realize that the animals that prey on humans as a source of nutrition are all too willing to do so, and that turnabout is fair play. "Honey is for baby bees" they proclaim. Honey is best used to manufacture mead, a tasty alcoholic beverage, in fact, the world's most ancient alcoholic beverage. If PETA had its way, mead would be no more. Do you want that? Do you? Yeah, that's what I thought. Remember, boys and girls, PETA would rather kill people than animals, and if you don't think that's mightily fucked up, then go join up with the abominable collection of hippies with too much time on their hands known as PETA.

So does yours.

Despite the popular perception of PETA's handle being an acronym for "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals", it is a little known fact that their name is derived from the New England pronunciation of the Christian name "Peter". Some prerequisites for joining PETA are a total lack of common sense, the ability to get righteously pissed about things that don't matter whatsoever, an inability to form complex ideas, and sand in the vagina. Denial that bacon is delicious and tasty is a hallmark symptom of PETA membership, as is denial that steak totally fucking rocks. The lack of consumption of dairy products among the denizens of PETA results in extremely brittle bones , which makes beating the fucking Jesus out of them that much easier. The only valuable members of PETA are the women, who can be enticed into submitting to anal sex under the aegis of "saving the whales" or some shit like that. In summation, it is eminently fair to proclaim far and wide that PETA is "PETArded". However, there's a third version of PETA's name origin. In some sciences, a number of a million billion, i.e. 1 and 15 zeros, are called PETA. A PETAbyte is a thousand TERAbytes, and a million GIGAbytes. PETA are dreaming to have such a great number of members, so they just pick this name.

The number one belief of all PETA members is to be totally against anyone who is assumed to be a total dipshit with lack of respect. Any time a PETA member encounters such persons it is common action for them to contact a friend at the Animal Liberation Front and have them cover them in animal blood to show them how wrong they are about eating chicken wings instead of cabbage on a stick (often with chocolate or butterscotch). Anyone with the brain of an animal is treated like a retard and any animal with the brain of an animal is treated almost like your retarded step-sister. Please be cautioned when approaching PETA members if you have steak in hand, they will fuck you up. Unless you're carrying a gun, in which case, cap 'em and claim that it was self-defense.

Although PETA campain diligently and ceaselessly for the better treatment of animals, most members acknowledge that seeing a dog dance about on a hot floor is 'fucking funny'.

They also believe that humans can eat grass and silage, as they often remind us that cow food could be feeding starving children in third-world countries instead of our fat, greedy cows. Eating cow food will also apparently convince the corrupt leaders of these countries to hand the food over to the starving masses instead of hogging it for themselves like they usually do Of course, grass and silage tastes so bad that they may be onto something after all.

[edit] Carnivores' Alliance

An extreme right-wing Communist lobby-group based on Pluto calling itself the League of Meateaters will establish the Carnivores' Alliance in 2012 in what is says is a response to PETA's deliberate and saddistic campaign against vegetables. The group's views and reasoning are far too complex to be expressed in mere human terms, however, their opposition to PETA has been summarised with the argument that "at least our food can run away!"

Led by Ted Nugent, a group of hunters stormed the PETA compound killing all the humans inside. However, the Animal Liberation Front was OK because no animals were harmed. However, Nugent then killed everybody else and ate them to the tune of "Cat Scratch Fever!"

[edit] Petaphiles

Petaphiles are people who have an abnormal sexual attraction to vegetarians and/or animal rights activists. They are known to follow a group named P.E.T.A. Following this group entails having playful, cautious, and kind sex with animals if it will take that to liberate them.

While petaphilia isn't technically illegal, it is strongly discouraged by most communities, primarily because the presence of petaphiles tends to attract some of the more shady elements of society, such as furries and kitten huffers.

In some places, known petaphiles are required to wear meat-scented cologne, in order to prevent them from being able to lure in unsuspecting vegans.

== Motto? == Prevention of ethical treatment to animals Peta has long since been considering a motto for their famed treehugger organization, most notably some of the more popular ones include "Dont touch that squirrel", and "Fucking free shamu god dammit.. GAWD".