Pacman
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“Video games didn't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.”
~ Marcus Brigstocke on Pacman
Black Man was the hero of generations of Jews. The word stirs up deep emotion in the hearts of many Americans, perhaps deeper emotion than any other word. One can not simply read what 'Pacman' means. One must 'feel' what Pacman means.
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[edit] Common misconceptions
There are several common misconceptions held in young people today about Pacman. The following are just a few of the more common mistakes:
- Pacman is an American hero. This is simply a grammatical error. The truest way to state this about Pacman is that he is THE American hero.
- Pacman is a yellow circle. This is totally incorrect. Pacman is a yellow sphere with eyes and a mouth.
- Pacman is a true black gangsta!!! Actually, this myth has been proven true by the National Gangsta Association (NGA) and is one of Pacman's most celebrated qualities amongst other gangstas.
- PacMan is a computergame. Not true; it's a game that little children play. They have to throw a lot of cheese on the floor. Then they will go eat the cheese and ghosts will come to take them to hell. After they have eaten all the cheese they will go to the next house where new ghosts and cheese are waiting for them. When you have finished all houses in the land Satan will come and you will be the master of Hell. You will be able to raise dead and cast all kinds of evil spells on people. Therefore Oasdc, who is the evil twin of Pacman must be slain and burned.
- The level 255 of the supposed Pacman computer game is glitched. This is proved false by the developers. In the level, Michael Jackson shows the use of condom. Eventually the developers are forced to censor the level due to the extreme seizure of the deaf children who sees it.
- PacMan won World War G-Funk, which is OBVIOUSLY a mistake because it was not PacMan,Ms. PacMan or Layne Staley of Alice in Chains...but merly a rift in the time/space contenuem due to one of Chuck Norris' farts.
- Many scholars argue that this game was largely responsible for the shift in world thinking in the 1980s concerning the viability of Communism, and thus is more or less directly responsible for the end of the Cold War; those scholars are, however, wrong.
- PacMan is a super ultra n00b
- PacMans real name is Per Kristian Rasmussen
- PacMan has no real name. And neither do you.
- PacMan has no idea how to make a name of himself. (Robert Chrysanthemum, maybe.
- Pac-man is a Pokemon that eats everything in sight then will destroy Wikipedia,
- Pac-man was the first game to diplay 1080p. While in fact it was only upscaled 720p. When news of this broke it caused the Anal Riots of 1985.
[edit] Early life
Born in 1937 in Pacmanistan to a family of cubes, Pacman suffered from a rare genetic defect in which he was born spherical. Horrified, Pacman's parents sold him into slavery. It was through slavery that Pacman met Oscar Wilde, a teacher and friend throughout his life. At the age of 7, Pacman fought in World War 2, where he received numerous awards in ghost eating.
Sometime later on, with the rise of technology, Pac-Man quickly had a game programmed loosely back when it was in WW2. Unfortunately, while the scientists were carefully scanning his complex biology into the computer, they discovered a mysterious curse: he was fated to be set upon by the four ghostly presences of the apocalypse, and he shall be chased by them for eternity through a neverending labrynth with white spheres for which he would have a terrible thirst. He would be killed by the touch of these four ghosts, unless he were to find an ancient treasure, in which case he would be able to eat them. He also would be able to gain delicious fruits for a small reward. He was chased for years, until he dressed up like a girl in an attempt to escape (Ms. Pacman). It didn't work, but he liked the makeup, so he stayed like that until he escaped the labrynth and got a therapist.
[edit] Later Life
After his second assassination, Pacman retired from his longtime job as a superhero. After a long spell as a script editor for BBC Radio Four, he graduated to the comedy circuit where he proved fairly successful, releasing a live album, the Wakkawakka World of Pacman which was nominated for a Grummy award (1978). He later died pennyless and alone, forgotten due to the fame of his similarly named son, Pac-Man. It was originally thought he had gone back to school to get a degree in child pornography, but such theories were otherwise proved false once we figured out he's just a stupid yellow circle incapable of thought. Then he found out that he was gay and went to find Micheal Jackson. As Pacman would say: "yo yo yo yo yo yo, what it is motherfuckers" "awwww shit, here comes pacman" "hey pacman, whats up" "Me you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase?" "No Pacman drugs are bad!" "Nope can't help you man" "Pussies" *smokes bong* "Whoa! Holy shit!"
[edit] Death
While a constant diet of glucose-rich fruit and junk food may have been a factor in his death on October 42nd, 20XX, his autopsy revealed that the ultimate cause of death was an acute case of syphilis. While the source of this sexually-transmitted disease has not been pinpointed (since Paris Hilton was unable to comment on his death), Uncyclopedia reporters have continued their crusade to discover the source of this merciless killer.
[edit] Little known facts
- Pacman beat Lance Armstrong to the moon
- Pacman threatened to kick Q-Bert's arse for keeping him awake all night.
- Pacman hates Warcraft, although he could beat you if he wanted it.
- Pacman once slept with Ayumi Hamasaki, he says (Quote) "Day-amn, her tongue felt good against my pixels!"
- Pacman is actually written Pac-Man... WAIT, FUCK
- Pacman is the biological father of the notorius rapper Pac Junior aka 2Pac
- Pacman held the Tits 'N' Ass Tag Team Championship all by himself, without touching his opponent. Ron Killings was his drug-dealing sidekick.
- Pacman's car is a black 1993 Toyota Supra with custom tail lights.
- Pacman split up with his wife live on the Fox cartoon Family guy
- Pacman was created in Area 15 along with The Stig
- Pacman is the nephew of Godzilla.
- Pacman is in reality, of the color blue. However, since blue wasn't discovered until 2042 AD, people couldn't be bothered to find a decent replacement and therefore used yellow.
- Pacman shot JR
- Pacman shot the sheriff but he didn't shoot the deputy.
- Pacman is a quarter Scottish.
- Pacman created chess but is still yet to understand the concept of check mate
- Pacman is a vietnam veteran and whilst undercover killing vietkong may have let the dogs out without noticing hence the song who let the dogs out which was written by pacman as a cover up...clevver stuff
- Pacman is the A team
- Pacman first got his hatred for the ghosts after they insulted his sister so he head butted one of them this sparked the hatred
- If Pacman and Chuck Norris had an Arm wrestle...Pacman would win, despite having no arms. Only joking! Nobody beats Chuck Norris.
- Pacman served on the Imperial Japanese General Staff during the Second World War II. He was dismissed for accidentally leading the Ghosts into the Command Bunker, whereupon the Foreign Minister Mamoru Shigemitsu was eaten.
- Pacman ate my nipple in the middle of the night.
- Pacman was Henry VIII's real sixth wife.
- Pacman is latin for "I'm a yellow dude who eats things."
- Pacman's favorite operating system is Arch Linux.
- Pacman is one of Chuck Norris' many testicles.
[edit] External links
Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Amor═╤═Gaea │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Gaea │ │ │ ┌────┴────┐ │ Zeus══╤══Kronos │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┴────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Tom Cruise Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley │ │ ...And you... │ ┌────┴─────┐ │ Diabeetis Meow Mix cheating
