Pachelbel's Canon

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Pachelbel's Cannon performed during the Berlin Uberorchestra's European Tour - 1939 to 1945.
Pachelbel's Cannon performed during the Berlin Uberorchestra's European Tour - 1939 to 1945.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Pachelbel's Canon.


Pachelbel's Canon was a type of canon written by Johann Pachelbel (1653-1701). It was a modification of the typical canon (Which many experts say is an improvement on the standard canon).

The Typical "Cannon" was a crude device originally conceived by RAV's (Russians Arabs and Villains) to kill or seriously maim there enemies. Unfortunately cannons took an unreasonable amount of time to reload and produced too much collateral damage to structures to be considered an effective weapon.

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[edit] Pachelbel improves the Cannon

Pachelbel in an astonishing process completely and fundamentally altered the cannon. Experts don't know how he changed the cannon but they say what ever he did it was very specific. We however know the result, the cannon was transformed from a massive weapon of brute force to a psychological warfare weapon.

From a projectile weapon to a series of tones that could be produced by 3 Violins and a Bass In an ingenious transformation Pachelbel transformed the cannon to a wide disbursement anti-personal weapon which could cause any people in the hearing range to have there heads explode. Pachelbel cleverly renamed his invention from the Cannon to the Canon artfuly knocking off that unnecessary "N" like a modern artist puts a dot on a canvas and charges millions for it.

[edit] The Success and Fall of the Canon

Almost instantly Pachelbel's Canon was used in sieges all over Europe to help sieges destroy enemy combatants while leaving there castle intact. Soon however Pachelbel's Canon became a victim of its own success. Through time populations became to adapt to the noise of the canon because of natural selection. Soon only headaches occurred from the noise and then nothing at all, then in a surprising twist the music seemed to sound pleasurable to people who wore powdered wigs in the 18th century.

[edit] Evolution of the Canon

All the way up to modern times people have begun to listen to the cannon and alter it. Many alterations have been made, entire orchestras have performed it. Many different instruments have been used to recreate the song. Techno has taken a liking to the song, many versions of the song has been made in Techno, more than any other Genre of music other than clasical. Techno has also brought back some of the original purpose of the of the song, (according to experts) some listeners report headaches after listening to the Techno version. Pachelbel's Canon has also appeared in many television show and movies including Michel Moore's Sicko.

[edit] Military Research

The Military intrigued by the possibly of deadly harmonic sounds to cause death to enemy combatants has been doing research into Pachelbel's Canon to try to figure out what had initially made it so deadly. Aside from albums made by William Shatner no other music has been as deadly as Pachelbel's Canon. The Military hopes to have a deadly song composed in 20 years at the cost of 500 billion dollars (according to experts). Some notefull work on the subject has been performed by britney spears, and has had restrictions placed on her by the UN stating that controls will be needed if she is ever deployed tactically.

[edit] See Also

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